We are down to the final 4 and it's time to meet families. The remaining 4 are Kacie, Nicki, Lindzi and the Black Widow. I mean, Courtney.
First date is Lindzi in Florida. I thought she was from Washington? Oh, the family horse farm is Florida. Lindzi rides horses and tells us of her previous heart break. Ben arrives in what appears to be brown corduroy pants. They smooch and "I'm so happy to see/you be here" each other. Of course the date begins with horse riding, he meets the parents and they have a chariot race.
Lindzi: Let me take the whip.
Me: Snort.
Oh, and her parents have 2 little Jack Russell's. And they got married in San Francisco's City Hall. Apparently Lindzi had no idea about that. Now it's on to the aforementioned race. They lose, but Ben manages to hold on to one of the little dogs, at least that was endearing. Ben and Lindzi then had to pull their parents back to the house. Her parents seem normal and fun. And drink wine. It was a nice enough date, a tad boring, but not everyone is the Kardashian's.
Next up is Kacie in Tennessee. There will not be wine served at her daddy's house, he is not a drinker, and her mom is NOT for co-habitating.
Kacie has him meet her at the high school football field. There is a marching band, a bad one. And there is Kacie twirling. Look, don't remind the guy you haven't had your 5 year reunion for HS yet. They then sit in the stands and drink wine. Hey, I used to to that too, except it was under the bleachers and was Boone's farm. Anyway, she tells him the field is named after her grandfather and tells him about her parents. They stash the wine bottle and head to her parents.
Long story short, they hate him. Dad tells Kacie he would not give her permission to marry him and her mom says she better not live with him without being married. This sparks a debate on my facebook about asking permission, but that all comes down to the girl. Me, don't ask my dad. Lucky for you, he wouldn't be the one you would be stuck with.
Wrapping up, Kacie shouldn't bother packing her bags for the next trip.
Moving on, it's time for the two-step. Yeehaw, bringing it back to Texas. Ben loves Texas, and so do I! (it is where I live, and, after all, it is the best state ever!)
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind? Ben moseys on into town and Nicki gets up a proper cowboy hat, but fails to have him push his hair back and he ends up looking stupid. Oh, and Nicki is divorced. Don't go Tenley on us.
They go on the required picnic and then home to meet her parents. Her mom's shirt is terrible. Indian tablecloth. Her parents are divorced, but get along. Then she talks to both parents and gets the usual "we are just concerned" for you. Another dad talks about giving her hand in marriage. You know, she did say yes, and would have married the guy anyway. Nicki takes him to her room and tells him she loves him. I wonder if it's her old room or she lives there now. Another nice but boring date.
And now to the spider's web. I mean, Courtney's parents in Phoenix. Yes, Phoenix, no LA modeling shoot to take him on to show him how NICE she is? Courtney tells the camera she really likes him and actually admits she treated some of the girls bad. She also gives us the poor, pitiful, me in relationships. Boo hoo. NOT. We meet Courtney's mom and see where she gets her stupid baby voice. Her mom also needs to step away from the plastic surgery. Courtney's sister is a normal size! Yippee!
Speaking of the sister, she rats her out about the skinny dipping escapade. Oh, I used to tell on my sister all the time too. One grows out of that eventually.
Dad grills Ben while Courtney talks to her mom. The mom's face is pulled a tad tight, so she can't make as many of those dumb facial expressions, but we see where Courtney gets it. They both take a hit of helium so they can keep up the baby talk for the rest of the evening.
Courtney then takes him on a picnic and has arranged a pretend marriage. Oh, and in case you forgot, she's a model, and this is where her first photo shoot was! She asks Ben to write and then recite his vows. He obliges and reads her some lovely words. At that point I realize "Oh, crap. He picks her." Courtney manages to say something other than "Winning". But winning, she is.
Ben has his fireside chat with Chris Harrison. He pretends to give a shit, but really, Chris Harrison is planning the Break Up reunion a la Vienna and Jake and their appearance on Bachelor Pad. Ben reviews, he rode horses, got told what to do by Kacie's mom, wore a cowboy hat that made his hair look even more stupid, and handed his balls over to Courtney.
Rose ceremony time. I hate Courtney, but love the dress she is wearing. Not that I could fit into that.
Ben this opts for the Black Widow. She does her little girl trot up there and back. He then chooses Lindzi and Nicki.
Lindzi and Nicki hug her while Courtney stands there awkwardly. She thinks about joining the group hug, but realizes she doesn't give a shit.
Ben walks Kacie out, and she handles it gracefully. Until she gets in the limo. At least her cry isn't that ugly. She is devastated, and I really feel bad for her. She seems like a nice girl. Kacie, you can do better.
Ben tells the Black Widow and 2 runner ups they are going to Switzerland. Even Switzerland won't be able to remain neutral. They will hate Courtney too. Or at least we can assume the mystery guest who shows up does.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Turmoil and a Tarantula
This episode is in Belize. There are 6 girls. All of them will go. Well, 2 will go home alone, and 4 will go home with home town dates.
Ben shows up in a girlish tank top. I would say he looked gay, but I don't want to insult gay men. They know how to dress better than that.
Moving on, the girls get a really cool house to stay in. They all hate Courtney. Don't we all. Low down on the dates - 3 one on one (without roses) and then 1 group date with a rose.
First date, goes to Lindzi. She's excited, the others, not so much.
Nicki is starting to break down. Hold it together girl.
Ben picks Lindzi up for their date in, of course, a helicopter. Seriously ABC, get out of the helicopter phase.
They end up jumping out of the helicopter into a big and very deep circle in the ocean. 500 feet deep. However, there was a boat right there. And I'm sure a couple of life guards. They take the obligatory gag-inducing (for me) "Leap of Faith".
They have dinner and make small talk about their families. Moving on.
Next date card arrives and it for Emily. Take that, Courtney! She cries how not fair it is, and how mean Emily is. What? Because Courtney has just been Miss Congeniality.
Back to the Lindzi date.
Lindzi: I'll never forget today's date.
Me: Kind of like a brush for your hair.
Now they do a "letter in the bottle" thing. Really? Lame, lame, lame, lame. They throw it in the water, and I call them litterbugs. Where did that term "litterbug" come from? Where was I? Oh yeah, their date. They sit by the water and kiss. She'll be in the final 4.
Back at the house, Kacie and Nicki continue to hate Courtney (don't we all), Emily is so excited about her date, and Courtney is getting her air guns ready. I have no idea what happened to Rachel.
Emily gets an upgrade from the helicopter and gets a prop plane. They are walking around the city, shopping and seeing the local sights. Ben then has a great idea! Let's get local lobster for dinner. Oh, no, the fisherman guy is sold out. But guess what? He offers to take them out to catch their own lobster.
Emily: Ben is very spontaneous!
Me: This was all previously set up, and he is well aware of the plan....
They jump in and catch 2 lobsters. I'll have to say, she did catch one and was holding it. Me, as soon as it moved, I would screech like an 8 year old girl and fling it. No telling where it would have ended up, but likely, Ben's hair.
Back at the house Courtney cries to Lindzi, the camera and then crawls in bed. Stay there, would ya?
Now Ben and Emily are eating the lobster they caught. Ben asks her if she thinks she would want to take him to meet her family. She again apologizes for the Courtney fiasco, and rebounds nicely. The date looks like it is going well and I think she's going to get a rose.
Courtney tells the other girls she wants Rachel to go home. And she says if she doesn't get the last one on one date, she won't be staying.
The date card arrives and it goes to her. Blech. She gloats, the other girls shoot daggers at her. Gee, girls, don't waste your time with daggers, Courtney had guns, and she ain't afraid to use them! Stupid B.
The Courtney date is to climb a Mayan ruin. She tries to ruin their date, but fails to do it, because Ben is an idiot.
They climb to the top, and she starts nagging him about the other girls, and maybe their spark is gone, and she just doesn't know if she would take him home to meet her family. Ben then panics and tells her what she wants to hear. Dummy, should have just sent her home then.
But Courtney knows she has won this round and celebrates by shooting off her stupid air guns.
At dinner, she then tells him how she wouldn't be friends with any of those other girls and they are nothing but plain vanilla. (I like vanilla). And she claims she was so nice to them! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!
Ben: I don't want to be with a girl that no one likes.
Me: Then why do you keep picking her?
Final date, Ben wakes up Rachel, Nicki and Kacie to go swimming with sharks. Rachel is really scared and gets to hold hands with Ben the whole time. Finally, they get out of the water and have lunch, where Kacie gets the rose. The only surprising part is Kacie and Nicki warn Ben about trusting Courtney. Rachel avoids the conversation, just like Ben's brain does.
Time for the cocktail party.
Speaking of Rachel, I hate her feather earrings, but love her cute dress.
The girls arrive at the cocktail party, and are once again cut off early from the cocktail train, as Ben has made his decision. Before that, they make conversation, and try to suck down their drinks. Too bad they are frozen pina coladas. Emily asks who is nervous. And they all discuss it, of course, Courtney is not nervous and is ready to party. And reminds the girls that there are other guys in the world besides Ben. Which, in her defense, is true. Then she has more stupid comments using her little girl voice. Ugh.
Ben arrives and asks to speak with Courtney. Emily, Nicki and Kacie start to do the happy dance.
Rachel: Do you think he pulled her aside because she is, or isn't getting a rose?
Nicki: 50/50.
Me: Again, great insight, as there are only 2 choices.
Ben then gives a rose to Nicki and then to Lindzi.
Final rose, to Courtney. NOOOOOOOOOOO.
Look, remember Jake, and how he picked the girl everyone hated? See how well that worked out? Sigh.
Emily and Rachel both cry. And Courtney skips and shoots off her stupid guns again. Again, I wish I knew where Rachel got her dress. It was too cute.
Courtney shows her class with "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya". Yeah, Ben, that's who you picked.
Previews, usual home town dates and awkward moments with parents.
Out takes, Courtney has a bonding moment with a tarantula as it walks on her arm, and it seems to like her. I guess one spider recognizes another, no matter their form.
Ben shows up in a girlish tank top. I would say he looked gay, but I don't want to insult gay men. They know how to dress better than that.
Moving on, the girls get a really cool house to stay in. They all hate Courtney. Don't we all. Low down on the dates - 3 one on one (without roses) and then 1 group date with a rose.
First date, goes to Lindzi. She's excited, the others, not so much.
Nicki is starting to break down. Hold it together girl.
Ben picks Lindzi up for their date in, of course, a helicopter. Seriously ABC, get out of the helicopter phase.
They end up jumping out of the helicopter into a big and very deep circle in the ocean. 500 feet deep. However, there was a boat right there. And I'm sure a couple of life guards. They take the obligatory gag-inducing (for me) "Leap of Faith".
They have dinner and make small talk about their families. Moving on.
Next date card arrives and it for Emily. Take that, Courtney! She cries how not fair it is, and how mean Emily is. What? Because Courtney has just been Miss Congeniality.
Back to the Lindzi date.
Lindzi: I'll never forget today's date.
Me: Kind of like a brush for your hair.
Now they do a "letter in the bottle" thing. Really? Lame, lame, lame, lame. They throw it in the water, and I call them litterbugs. Where did that term "litterbug" come from? Where was I? Oh yeah, their date. They sit by the water and kiss. She'll be in the final 4.
Back at the house, Kacie and Nicki continue to hate Courtney (don't we all), Emily is so excited about her date, and Courtney is getting her air guns ready. I have no idea what happened to Rachel.
Emily gets an upgrade from the helicopter and gets a prop plane. They are walking around the city, shopping and seeing the local sights. Ben then has a great idea! Let's get local lobster for dinner. Oh, no, the fisherman guy is sold out. But guess what? He offers to take them out to catch their own lobster.
Emily: Ben is very spontaneous!
Me: This was all previously set up, and he is well aware of the plan....
They jump in and catch 2 lobsters. I'll have to say, she did catch one and was holding it. Me, as soon as it moved, I would screech like an 8 year old girl and fling it. No telling where it would have ended up, but likely, Ben's hair.
Back at the house Courtney cries to Lindzi, the camera and then crawls in bed. Stay there, would ya?
Now Ben and Emily are eating the lobster they caught. Ben asks her if she thinks she would want to take him to meet her family. She again apologizes for the Courtney fiasco, and rebounds nicely. The date looks like it is going well and I think she's going to get a rose.
Courtney tells the other girls she wants Rachel to go home. And she says if she doesn't get the last one on one date, she won't be staying.
The date card arrives and it goes to her. Blech. She gloats, the other girls shoot daggers at her. Gee, girls, don't waste your time with daggers, Courtney had guns, and she ain't afraid to use them! Stupid B.
The Courtney date is to climb a Mayan ruin. She tries to ruin their date, but fails to do it, because Ben is an idiot.
They climb to the top, and she starts nagging him about the other girls, and maybe their spark is gone, and she just doesn't know if she would take him home to meet her family. Ben then panics and tells her what she wants to hear. Dummy, should have just sent her home then.
But Courtney knows she has won this round and celebrates by shooting off her stupid air guns.
At dinner, she then tells him how she wouldn't be friends with any of those other girls and they are nothing but plain vanilla. (I like vanilla). And she claims she was so nice to them! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!
Ben: I don't want to be with a girl that no one likes.
Me: Then why do you keep picking her?
Final date, Ben wakes up Rachel, Nicki and Kacie to go swimming with sharks. Rachel is really scared and gets to hold hands with Ben the whole time. Finally, they get out of the water and have lunch, where Kacie gets the rose. The only surprising part is Kacie and Nicki warn Ben about trusting Courtney. Rachel avoids the conversation, just like Ben's brain does.
Time for the cocktail party.
Speaking of Rachel, I hate her feather earrings, but love her cute dress.
The girls arrive at the cocktail party, and are once again cut off early from the cocktail train, as Ben has made his decision. Before that, they make conversation, and try to suck down their drinks. Too bad they are frozen pina coladas. Emily asks who is nervous. And they all discuss it, of course, Courtney is not nervous and is ready to party. And reminds the girls that there are other guys in the world besides Ben. Which, in her defense, is true. Then she has more stupid comments using her little girl voice. Ugh.
Ben arrives and asks to speak with Courtney. Emily, Nicki and Kacie start to do the happy dance.
Rachel: Do you think he pulled her aside because she is, or isn't getting a rose?
Nicki: 50/50.
Me: Again, great insight, as there are only 2 choices.
Ben then gives a rose to Nicki and then to Lindzi.
Final rose, to Courtney. NOOOOOOOOOOO.
Look, remember Jake, and how he picked the girl everyone hated? See how well that worked out? Sigh.
Emily and Rachel both cry. And Courtney skips and shoots off her stupid guns again. Again, I wish I knew where Rachel got her dress. It was too cute.
Courtney shows her class with "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya". Yeah, Ben, that's who you picked.
Previews, usual home town dates and awkward moments with parents.
Out takes, Courtney has a bonding moment with a tarantula as it walks on her arm, and it seems to like her. I guess one spider recognizes another, no matter their form.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Time to get Tribal
This week's magical journey takes us to Panama City, Panama.
Previews - Kissing, dancing, Courtney being a bitch and running around naked, and some hella ugly crying!
Blakeley: Ben has taken us to Sonoma, San Francisco, Utah, Puerto Rico, and now Panama.
Me: Again, you understand that ABC planned it and paid for it?
The hotel is freaking awesome.
Courtney: Life is good.
Me: Not while you are in it.
She reminds us of the skinny dipping and we all know, she's "winning".
Ben arrives in a jeep, and I'm really beginning to hate his hair.
Blakeley tells the group she wants a one on one date so badly she can't stand it. Kacie B tries to console her. And Ben arrives and the date card goes to Kacie B, irony. Blakeley, there has to be a liquor cabinet.
Courtney disses his choice and wisely says: It could go one of two ways.
Me: No sh*t, sherlock. There are only 2 choices, stay or go.
Their date card says "Can our love survive, bring 3 things". And of course, here is a helicopter. Because every guy picks you up in one of those.
They end up playing Survivor and are dropped off on an empty island. The 3 things she brought, was a green monkey? Corkscrew and candy. I guess he bought her that monkey. He brought a machete, fishing net and matches. WTH? No wine? Or at least rum for the coconuts they find.
Long story short - they sit on the beach, drink coconut milk, fish, cook the fish and hang out. It was a nice beginning to the date. Now they move on to the evening portion. Dinner with the rose on the table.
Kacie: I do miss doing normal day to day things.
Me: WHAT? A girl who realizes that the helicopter and rooftop dining isn't a part of normal life? Pick her now.
Back at the hotel, the group date card arrives - "Let's get lost". On the date is Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Kasey, Courtney and Jamie. Rachel immediately realizes that she and Blakeley are the two on one date. Blakeley would do the happy dance, but she isn't wearing a bra and could injure herself. Rachel is nervous, and Blakeley doesn't really care. She's ready to shine!
Back to Kacie and Ben. She tells him her past, and that she once had an eating disorder. And since she has opened up to him, he gives her the rose. He really likes her, and let's hope he's smart enough to pick her over that bitch, Courtney. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Now it's the group date. Ben shows up in a big long boat. Insert your own joke here. They continue with their Survivor theme and they take off into the jungle.
Next thing you know, they are in a village where a Panamanian tribe lives. The women of the tribe take the girls to the huts and give them authentic tribal outfits. They indicate they don't need their bathing suit tops under their new beaded tops.
Courtney and Jamie have a discussion about the situation and Courtney tells her she doesn't need to take her bra off. And then of course, immediately ditches hers.
The other girls are appalled. And notice that she took of her pants too and only a skirt.
Ben shows up in a loin cloth.
Ben immediately notices that Courtney doesn't have her bathing suit top on. And just in case he didn't, she announces this to him. Oh, Ben, it's not like you haven't seen her boobs before, would now be a good time to tell that to the group? Probably not. Carry on.
Then there is tribal body-painting and dancing. It includes Courtney painting B+C=Love. And a whole lot of her trying to impress Ben with shaking her ta-tas all over the place. Really, it would only be impressive if you have ta-tas like Blakeley.
The entourage leaves the jungle and heads to the required rooftop with a pool for the evening portion of the date.
At that time, Lindzi gets the first one on one time. Ben tells her she is easy-going, and Lindzi tells him she is, but this is hard. I think she was about to bash Courtney, but got the hint to just go the other way. They make out.
Ben then asks Courtney for one on one time.
She sashays out and says "I'm being stolen". Emily gives her a look that says "We wish you were being stolen by a group of angry Pygmy villagers and eaten". We all wish that, but it's just Ben.
Ben thanks her for being assertive. Well, played Courtney.
Jamie then decides she is going to step it up now. She tries to kiss him, but she talks way too much and then Courtney pool-bombs their time. Courtney jumps in the pool by herself in an itty-bitty white bikini. Jamie continues to talk 100 miles a minute and Ben is distracted by the evil mermaid, Courtney. What an inconsiderate bitch. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Jamie's plan falls apart and there is no kissing.
Emily takes her turn with Ben and uses humor to get his attention. She tells him she is dumping him for the Chief at the village. Ben finds this amusing. Emily also says she is done tattling on Courtney and is going to stay out of it. They kiss and Emily finally walks away without bashing Courtney (rats) or crying.
Emily then goes and apologizes to Courtney in front of everyone. And yes, you guessed it, she's a bitch about it. The worst part is Ben missed seeing what a bitch she is by about 10 seconds. Or did he perhaps hear a small part of it?
Because of that time, Lindzi gets the rose. Courtney (and me and everyone else) thought her and her beaded top was going to get the rose.
Courtney pouts and sulks. However, she goes back to her room to wait. On the date she gave him her room number and expects him to show up. He doesn't. She's disappointed and feels like she has always been taken for granted. At this point, I suppose we should feel sorry for her, but we don't.
Now the 2 on 1 date. Since Blakeley had already worn her Hooter's Train conductor onesie, she better find a new outfit for this date. She sticks with a onesie, not as bad as the conductor outfit. The date begins with dance lessons for the salsa. Blakeley knows how to shake her money maker. This might be bad. The dance goes "1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7". What the hell happened to 4?
Anyway, yes, you guessed it, Blakeley totally out dances poor Rachel. She basically shoves her boobs in Ben's face and slides up and down him like he is her personal stripper pole. It's uncomfortable for Rachel and for all of us.
Finally the torture is over and they go dinner. Blakeley is wearing an oversized shirt and that's it. Yep, she made it a dress. Rachel has on a cute black dress.
The dinner starts, and Rachel tells him she is nervous. Blakeley continues to try and shine by pointing out again, that she is nothing but sunshine and rainbows about this because she gets to see Ben. Hmm, starting to sound a tad stalkerish.
Rachel gets the first one on one time with Ben. She worries some more and they make out anyway. He tells her he is trying to decide. And then Blakeley helps Rachel out a ton.
Blakeley whines a bit about not getting a one on one. She has also brought along her scrapbook. "My time with Ben". Look, girls love that shit. Guys, not so much. Especially when the cover of it looks like my high school book cover that say "Kay + David".
Ben was very polite about it, but that little voice inside his head said "RUN". Too bad he doesn't hear it when he is talking to Courtney.
Ben then gives the rose to Rachel. Blakeley is shocked. The rest of us aren't. Blakeley immediately just gets up and walks away. He follows her out, and at this point, you know, she was just dumped and she doesn't have to take it gracefully.
He tells her that is just isn't there with them, but he thanks her for trying and he apologizes. It seems heartfelt.
Blakeley then cries and cries some more. Hey, what happened to the scrapbook? She puts him in a death hug and cries some more. He finally untangles himself and runs like hell. Just like that stray kitty the producers just showed.
Rachel gloats to the camera. Don't gloat too much, I predict that you go home next week.
As the girls are hanging out, Chris Harrison shows up and asks to talk to Kasey S. Uh oh, what is the deal. Another long story short - Chris accuses her of having a boyfriend. She says "nu-uh, we like broke up. like a long time ago, like really". She's a terrible liar and a terrible fake crier, or the ugliest crier ever. Chris makes her tell Ben, and Ben tells her to go home.
Courtney is sad she lost her only friend. Kasey continues to cry this terrible cry in the car on the way to the airport.
Cocktail party time. Ben opens with asking for honesty. The party begins with Nicki talking with Ben about her fast her feelings are growing. They dance and kiss.
Courtney to Rachel: I feel like I might be going home.
Rachel to Courtney: REALLY?
Courtney: Just kidding. I feel pretty confident.
Yeah, that's not a way to make friends after your only friend has left.
Jamie then decides it's time for her to break out the "sexual healing" that she can provide. She has a big surprise for him. And still doesn't shut up. She tells him to sit down, and tries to climb on his lap. That doesn't go well because of her tight cocktail dress. Next time, sit to the side instead of straddling him. She hikes it up there and kisses him anyway. She keeps talking. SHUT UP. She keeps trying to kiss him, and she ends up laughing. Look, some girls do sexy, and some don't. I tried the sexy route once in my early 20's. My jerk of an boyfriend at the time laughed at me. However, I realized, sexy is not me. A-dork-able, sure. So I will stick with that. My point here, Jamie, is go with what you know. Don't tell him how he should kiss you, and don't laugh. Good bye, Jamie. You are a nice girl, but see ya later. Instead of too little, too late. It's way too much, too late.
Rose ceremony time, and as predicted, Jamie goes home. She handled it gracefully and waits until she is walked out to have her melt down. Oh, Jamie, you are a pretty girl, you don't have to be Blakeley, just be yourself.
Ben tells the remaining 6 they are now going to Belize. Previews, Kacie and Nicki give him the Courtney 411. And Courtney may have shot herself in the foot by telling him again how all the women hate him. Hey, maybe he finally caught a clue!
Previews - Kissing, dancing, Courtney being a bitch and running around naked, and some hella ugly crying!
Blakeley: Ben has taken us to Sonoma, San Francisco, Utah, Puerto Rico, and now Panama.
Me: Again, you understand that ABC planned it and paid for it?
The hotel is freaking awesome.
Courtney: Life is good.
Me: Not while you are in it.
She reminds us of the skinny dipping and we all know, she's "winning".
Ben arrives in a jeep, and I'm really beginning to hate his hair.
Blakeley tells the group she wants a one on one date so badly she can't stand it. Kacie B tries to console her. And Ben arrives and the date card goes to Kacie B, irony. Blakeley, there has to be a liquor cabinet.
Courtney disses his choice and wisely says: It could go one of two ways.
Me: No sh*t, sherlock. There are only 2 choices, stay or go.
Their date card says "Can our love survive, bring 3 things". And of course, here is a helicopter. Because every guy picks you up in one of those.
They end up playing Survivor and are dropped off on an empty island. The 3 things she brought, was a green monkey? Corkscrew and candy. I guess he bought her that monkey. He brought a machete, fishing net and matches. WTH? No wine? Or at least rum for the coconuts they find.
Long story short - they sit on the beach, drink coconut milk, fish, cook the fish and hang out. It was a nice beginning to the date. Now they move on to the evening portion. Dinner with the rose on the table.
Kacie: I do miss doing normal day to day things.
Me: WHAT? A girl who realizes that the helicopter and rooftop dining isn't a part of normal life? Pick her now.
Back at the hotel, the group date card arrives - "Let's get lost". On the date is Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Kasey, Courtney and Jamie. Rachel immediately realizes that she and Blakeley are the two on one date. Blakeley would do the happy dance, but she isn't wearing a bra and could injure herself. Rachel is nervous, and Blakeley doesn't really care. She's ready to shine!
Back to Kacie and Ben. She tells him her past, and that she once had an eating disorder. And since she has opened up to him, he gives her the rose. He really likes her, and let's hope he's smart enough to pick her over that bitch, Courtney. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Now it's the group date. Ben shows up in a big long boat. Insert your own joke here. They continue with their Survivor theme and they take off into the jungle.
Next thing you know, they are in a village where a Panamanian tribe lives. The women of the tribe take the girls to the huts and give them authentic tribal outfits. They indicate they don't need their bathing suit tops under their new beaded tops.
Courtney and Jamie have a discussion about the situation and Courtney tells her she doesn't need to take her bra off. And then of course, immediately ditches hers.
The other girls are appalled. And notice that she took of her pants too and only a skirt.
Ben shows up in a loin cloth.
Ben immediately notices that Courtney doesn't have her bathing suit top on. And just in case he didn't, she announces this to him. Oh, Ben, it's not like you haven't seen her boobs before, would now be a good time to tell that to the group? Probably not. Carry on.
Then there is tribal body-painting and dancing. It includes Courtney painting B+C=Love. And a whole lot of her trying to impress Ben with shaking her ta-tas all over the place. Really, it would only be impressive if you have ta-tas like Blakeley.
The entourage leaves the jungle and heads to the required rooftop with a pool for the evening portion of the date.
At that time, Lindzi gets the first one on one time. Ben tells her she is easy-going, and Lindzi tells him she is, but this is hard. I think she was about to bash Courtney, but got the hint to just go the other way. They make out.
Ben then asks Courtney for one on one time.
She sashays out and says "I'm being stolen". Emily gives her a look that says "We wish you were being stolen by a group of angry Pygmy villagers and eaten". We all wish that, but it's just Ben.
Ben thanks her for being assertive. Well, played Courtney.
Jamie then decides she is going to step it up now. She tries to kiss him, but she talks way too much and then Courtney pool-bombs their time. Courtney jumps in the pool by herself in an itty-bitty white bikini. Jamie continues to talk 100 miles a minute and Ben is distracted by the evil mermaid, Courtney. What an inconsiderate bitch. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Jamie's plan falls apart and there is no kissing.
Emily takes her turn with Ben and uses humor to get his attention. She tells him she is dumping him for the Chief at the village. Ben finds this amusing. Emily also says she is done tattling on Courtney and is going to stay out of it. They kiss and Emily finally walks away without bashing Courtney (rats) or crying.
Emily then goes and apologizes to Courtney in front of everyone. And yes, you guessed it, she's a bitch about it. The worst part is Ben missed seeing what a bitch she is by about 10 seconds. Or did he perhaps hear a small part of it?
Because of that time, Lindzi gets the rose. Courtney (and me and everyone else) thought her and her beaded top was going to get the rose.
Courtney pouts and sulks. However, she goes back to her room to wait. On the date she gave him her room number and expects him to show up. He doesn't. She's disappointed and feels like she has always been taken for granted. At this point, I suppose we should feel sorry for her, but we don't.
Now the 2 on 1 date. Since Blakeley had already worn her Hooter's Train conductor onesie, she better find a new outfit for this date. She sticks with a onesie, not as bad as the conductor outfit. The date begins with dance lessons for the salsa. Blakeley knows how to shake her money maker. This might be bad. The dance goes "1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7". What the hell happened to 4?
Anyway, yes, you guessed it, Blakeley totally out dances poor Rachel. She basically shoves her boobs in Ben's face and slides up and down him like he is her personal stripper pole. It's uncomfortable for Rachel and for all of us.
Finally the torture is over and they go dinner. Blakeley is wearing an oversized shirt and that's it. Yep, she made it a dress. Rachel has on a cute black dress.
The dinner starts, and Rachel tells him she is nervous. Blakeley continues to try and shine by pointing out again, that she is nothing but sunshine and rainbows about this because she gets to see Ben. Hmm, starting to sound a tad stalkerish.
Rachel gets the first one on one time with Ben. She worries some more and they make out anyway. He tells her he is trying to decide. And then Blakeley helps Rachel out a ton.
Blakeley whines a bit about not getting a one on one. She has also brought along her scrapbook. "My time with Ben". Look, girls love that shit. Guys, not so much. Especially when the cover of it looks like my high school book cover that say "Kay + David".
Ben was very polite about it, but that little voice inside his head said "RUN". Too bad he doesn't hear it when he is talking to Courtney.
Ben then gives the rose to Rachel. Blakeley is shocked. The rest of us aren't. Blakeley immediately just gets up and walks away. He follows her out, and at this point, you know, she was just dumped and she doesn't have to take it gracefully.
He tells her that is just isn't there with them, but he thanks her for trying and he apologizes. It seems heartfelt.
Blakeley then cries and cries some more. Hey, what happened to the scrapbook? She puts him in a death hug and cries some more. He finally untangles himself and runs like hell. Just like that stray kitty the producers just showed.
Rachel gloats to the camera. Don't gloat too much, I predict that you go home next week.
As the girls are hanging out, Chris Harrison shows up and asks to talk to Kasey S. Uh oh, what is the deal. Another long story short - Chris accuses her of having a boyfriend. She says "nu-uh, we like broke up. like a long time ago, like really". She's a terrible liar and a terrible fake crier, or the ugliest crier ever. Chris makes her tell Ben, and Ben tells her to go home.
Courtney is sad she lost her only friend. Kasey continues to cry this terrible cry in the car on the way to the airport.
Cocktail party time. Ben opens with asking for honesty. The party begins with Nicki talking with Ben about her fast her feelings are growing. They dance and kiss.
Courtney to Rachel: I feel like I might be going home.
Rachel to Courtney: REALLY?
Courtney: Just kidding. I feel pretty confident.
Yeah, that's not a way to make friends after your only friend has left.
Jamie then decides it's time for her to break out the "sexual healing" that she can provide. She has a big surprise for him. And still doesn't shut up. She tells him to sit down, and tries to climb on his lap. That doesn't go well because of her tight cocktail dress. Next time, sit to the side instead of straddling him. She hikes it up there and kisses him anyway. She keeps talking. SHUT UP. She keeps trying to kiss him, and she ends up laughing. Look, some girls do sexy, and some don't. I tried the sexy route once in my early 20's. My jerk of an boyfriend at the time laughed at me. However, I realized, sexy is not me. A-dork-able, sure. So I will stick with that. My point here, Jamie, is go with what you know. Don't tell him how he should kiss you, and don't laugh. Good bye, Jamie. You are a nice girl, but see ya later. Instead of too little, too late. It's way too much, too late.
Rose ceremony time, and as predicted, Jamie goes home. She handled it gracefully and waits until she is walked out to have her melt down. Oh, Jamie, you are a pretty girl, you don't have to be Blakeley, just be yourself.
Ben tells the remaining 6 they are now going to Belize. Previews, Kacie and Nicki give him the Courtney 411. And Courtney may have shot herself in the foot by telling him again how all the women hate him. Hey, maybe he finally caught a clue!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
You only go to Puerto Rico once, except when you go again.
The girls and Ben go to Puerto Rico.
The girls arrive on the beach and we are treated with a chorus of "It's so pretty".
The girls also waste no time in bashing Courtney. And we agree with them.
Chris Harrison also wastes no time telling them that there are 2 one on ones and all the other girls will be on the group date. The card arrives and it says "Encontramos un nuevo amor en el viejo San Juan". And date #1 goes to Nicki. The divorced girl from Texas. However, she doesn't speak Spanish and asks someone to translate. Emily translates that it means "Let's find a new love in old San Juan". I think Courtney could have been a telenovela star and still wouldn't have been nice enough to translate. I have mentioned she is a bitch? Moving on.
Nicki puts on a purple and yellow get up. And as all dates must begin, let's get in a helicopter. Wow, she even has yellow nail polish. Not digging it. The date is walking around Old San Juan. And of course, here comes a downpour. It's a rain that belongs on Survivor during a challenge. They end up dashing through the rain and finding a shop to buy dry authentic PR clothes. He gets the Havana get up and she gets a extra large handkerchief for a dress. She should have gone for the Shakira look. They come upon a wedding that is starting. Nicki also tells us that she is the luckiest woman there. Well, maybe the bride might be a tad luckier, at least for the day.
The day portion of the date ends and now it's the fireside chat/wine/dinner.
Nicki tells him all about her divorce and Ben is happy she opened up and gives her the rose. The make out in an over sized papazon chair. Is it just me, or did we never see them eat?
Back at the hacienda, Blakeley and Elyse argue over who should get the next one on one date. You know, he's the one that picks.
Now it's time for the group date announcement. Everyone is on the card but Elyse. Blakeley is annoyed and Elyse celebrates with jumping jacks and push ups.
Now it's group date time. 9 of the girls are going to play baseball. They have to run drills with the minor league coaches. Blakeley can hit the ball! It looks like she can play, Jennifer and Emily. Lindzi and Casey S, not so much.
Chris Harrison shows up to announce there is a beach party tonight, but only half the girls get to go, because they have going to play each other and the winning team goes. Because there are 9, one girl gets to play on both teams and will get to go for sure. And Ben has to pick her. He picks Lindzi. Who is the worst ball player. Okay. Team captains are Courtney and Blakeley. GAME ON. Courtney picks Kacie B. Blakeley takes Emily, Courtney gets her BFF Casey S, Blakeley takes Jennifer. Courtney takes Jamie and leaves Rachel as the last pick. Courtney's team scored 5 runs in the first inning. Blakeley's team comes back and scores 3 runs. Damn, Blakeley is good!
Courtney: Who knew strippers could play ball?
Me: Hey, we don't discriminate. Well, except against the girls who suck. LIKE YOU.
And then the game is tied. Extra innings. Red team finally takes the lead 10-9. They are the home team, and need one more out. And poor Jennifer strikes out for the blue team. So Lindzi, Jamie, Kacie B, Casey S and Courtney get to stay. Jennifer, Blakeley, Rachel and Emily have to go home.
Blakeley bitches about losing. Look, your athletic skills impressed him. Live with it.
A helicopter arrives to take the victors to their spoils. Blakeley cries, and I dislike her just a little less. I mean, there is plenty of hate to go around with Courtney.
Now the beach party starts. Courtney is wearing a ghost like white night gown.
Damn, more pity shots of the blue team. Enough!
Lindzi takes a walk with Ben. We see Jamie and Casey briefly. Kacie B gets her time and they discuss his past relationships. Courtney knows he likes her and she is annoyed by all of it. Oh, boo hoo. Have I mentioned she is a bitch?
The blue team gets back home and the sob story is back on. Ugh. Drink some booze and get over it!
Kacie B gets the rose. Courtney's head almost explodes, but sadly, it doesn't. Have I mentioned she's a bitch?
Side note - I wish Jamie would have stepped it up a bit.
So after Kacie and Ben come back, Courtney takes Ben off to the beach. She has a plan. She talks about skinny dipping. Reminder, she called Blakeley a stripper, who's taking off their clothes now?
Now it's one on one date for Elyse. He picks her up on a yacht. I'M ON A BOAT.
While Elyse is likely leaving this show, I think she could join Jersey Shore as Snooki and JWoW's trainer.
Meanwhile, I'M ON A BOAT. Then they aren't on the boat, they jump in the water. Then they are back in the boat, and now finally done with the boat.
Dinner time. Do they get to eat? Wow, I actually see food. She tanks the date by saying she is sick of being single. So he thinks that is the only reason she is here. And now she complains about it taking so long to get a date. This isn't going well.
He picks up the rose, and begins his speech. He says he's not giving her the rose. Ben, next time, don't pick up the rose first. If you need to hold something in your hand, get your freaking drink.
She cries, he's sorry. Hey, at least you got a free trip to Puerto Rico and to BE ON A BOAT. She cries more. He's still sorry. She gets a little boat and cries all the way home.
Back at the hacienda, they arrive to get her luggage. Courtney gloats and decides to put her plan in action.
Courtney: I don't know if he's ever been skinny dipping with a model before. It could be fun.
Me: Only if he drowns you. Have I mentioned she's a bitch?
She has on a robe, a bottle of wine and 2 glasses. He asks if she wants to come in. "Well, yes" says the spider to the fly.
He realizes this might not be a good idea. But, as usual, he ignored the voice of reason.
They walk out to the beach. She strips down, and talks him into doing the same. She keeps saying you are only in Puerto Rico once. Well, this is actually the second time you were there. As you told us last week.
They frolic in the ocean and she says she doesn't care if the other girls find out. She has enough friends. Really, you have friends? Have I mentioned she is a bitch?
Cocktail party and rose ceremony time.
Now Ben feels guilty about the nak-scpade.
Jennifer is first to get one on one time. She tells him how much she likes him. He looks uncomfortable. But they kiss anyway.
Blakeley then corners him to tell him something really important. She tells him she writes something down every day about how wonderful he is. Seems a bit 8th grade to me. And because of this, she feels she now truly feels she deserves love. Hmm, therapy, or what? They kiss too. And yes, I don't dislike her now.
Courtney continues gloating to the camera, and says how their skinny dipping is so secret. Oh, well. Not for long.
Courtney tells the group she likes to be in her birthday suit as much as possible. Walk away girls, don't take the bait. They don't. And they fall right into the trap of discussing skinny dipping. Instead of telling the girls what she did, she just makes that stupid face and bashes Emily.
Speaking of Emily, she and Ben sit on the beach and she tries to focus on them, and not that piece of trash, Courtney. Have I mentioned she is a bitch?
Then Emily does a 180, and starts telling him about Courtney again. Sigh, get one of the other girls to do it! He tells her to drop it. Duh. But he is going to feel dumb when he sees the show. Now Emily is getting annoying. I wish she and Courtney both would go home.
Roses are now handed out to:
(Nicki and Kacie B have one)
Lindzi
Jamie (love her dress)
Rachel
Courtney
Casey S
Blakeley
Emily
Jennifer is the one going home. I totally did not see that coming. And neither did she. She cries a little but was classy. She wished him well and saved the heavy water works for the ride to the airport.
Now time to move the fiesta to Panama City.
Previews of next week - helicopters, dancing, kissing and Casey B crying. Looks like something really sad.
Previews of the rest of the season - Courtney bashing, beautiful scenery and a ring.
Out take - Chocolate spa with Ben and Nicki. Weird.
The girls arrive on the beach and we are treated with a chorus of "It's so pretty".
The girls also waste no time in bashing Courtney. And we agree with them.
Chris Harrison also wastes no time telling them that there are 2 one on ones and all the other girls will be on the group date. The card arrives and it says "Encontramos un nuevo amor en el viejo San Juan". And date #1 goes to Nicki. The divorced girl from Texas. However, she doesn't speak Spanish and asks someone to translate. Emily translates that it means "Let's find a new love in old San Juan". I think Courtney could have been a telenovela star and still wouldn't have been nice enough to translate. I have mentioned she is a bitch? Moving on.
Nicki puts on a purple and yellow get up. And as all dates must begin, let's get in a helicopter. Wow, she even has yellow nail polish. Not digging it. The date is walking around Old San Juan. And of course, here comes a downpour. It's a rain that belongs on Survivor during a challenge. They end up dashing through the rain and finding a shop to buy dry authentic PR clothes. He gets the Havana get up and she gets a extra large handkerchief for a dress. She should have gone for the Shakira look. They come upon a wedding that is starting. Nicki also tells us that she is the luckiest woman there. Well, maybe the bride might be a tad luckier, at least for the day.
The day portion of the date ends and now it's the fireside chat/wine/dinner.
Nicki tells him all about her divorce and Ben is happy she opened up and gives her the rose. The make out in an over sized papazon chair. Is it just me, or did we never see them eat?
Back at the hacienda, Blakeley and Elyse argue over who should get the next one on one date. You know, he's the one that picks.
Now it's time for the group date announcement. Everyone is on the card but Elyse. Blakeley is annoyed and Elyse celebrates with jumping jacks and push ups.
Now it's group date time. 9 of the girls are going to play baseball. They have to run drills with the minor league coaches. Blakeley can hit the ball! It looks like she can play, Jennifer and Emily. Lindzi and Casey S, not so much.
Chris Harrison shows up to announce there is a beach party tonight, but only half the girls get to go, because they have going to play each other and the winning team goes. Because there are 9, one girl gets to play on both teams and will get to go for sure. And Ben has to pick her. He picks Lindzi. Who is the worst ball player. Okay. Team captains are Courtney and Blakeley. GAME ON. Courtney picks Kacie B. Blakeley takes Emily, Courtney gets her BFF Casey S, Blakeley takes Jennifer. Courtney takes Jamie and leaves Rachel as the last pick. Courtney's team scored 5 runs in the first inning. Blakeley's team comes back and scores 3 runs. Damn, Blakeley is good!
Courtney: Who knew strippers could play ball?
Me: Hey, we don't discriminate. Well, except against the girls who suck. LIKE YOU.
And then the game is tied. Extra innings. Red team finally takes the lead 10-9. They are the home team, and need one more out. And poor Jennifer strikes out for the blue team. So Lindzi, Jamie, Kacie B, Casey S and Courtney get to stay. Jennifer, Blakeley, Rachel and Emily have to go home.
Blakeley bitches about losing. Look, your athletic skills impressed him. Live with it.
A helicopter arrives to take the victors to their spoils. Blakeley cries, and I dislike her just a little less. I mean, there is plenty of hate to go around with Courtney.
Now the beach party starts. Courtney is wearing a ghost like white night gown.
Damn, more pity shots of the blue team. Enough!
Lindzi takes a walk with Ben. We see Jamie and Casey briefly. Kacie B gets her time and they discuss his past relationships. Courtney knows he likes her and she is annoyed by all of it. Oh, boo hoo. Have I mentioned she is a bitch?
The blue team gets back home and the sob story is back on. Ugh. Drink some booze and get over it!
Kacie B gets the rose. Courtney's head almost explodes, but sadly, it doesn't. Have I mentioned she's a bitch?
Side note - I wish Jamie would have stepped it up a bit.
So after Kacie and Ben come back, Courtney takes Ben off to the beach. She has a plan. She talks about skinny dipping. Reminder, she called Blakeley a stripper, who's taking off their clothes now?
Now it's one on one date for Elyse. He picks her up on a yacht. I'M ON A BOAT.
While Elyse is likely leaving this show, I think she could join Jersey Shore as Snooki and JWoW's trainer.
Meanwhile, I'M ON A BOAT. Then they aren't on the boat, they jump in the water. Then they are back in the boat, and now finally done with the boat.
Dinner time. Do they get to eat? Wow, I actually see food. She tanks the date by saying she is sick of being single. So he thinks that is the only reason she is here. And now she complains about it taking so long to get a date. This isn't going well.
He picks up the rose, and begins his speech. He says he's not giving her the rose. Ben, next time, don't pick up the rose first. If you need to hold something in your hand, get your freaking drink.
She cries, he's sorry. Hey, at least you got a free trip to Puerto Rico and to BE ON A BOAT. She cries more. He's still sorry. She gets a little boat and cries all the way home.
Back at the hacienda, they arrive to get her luggage. Courtney gloats and decides to put her plan in action.
Courtney: I don't know if he's ever been skinny dipping with a model before. It could be fun.
Me: Only if he drowns you. Have I mentioned she's a bitch?
She has on a robe, a bottle of wine and 2 glasses. He asks if she wants to come in. "Well, yes" says the spider to the fly.
He realizes this might not be a good idea. But, as usual, he ignored the voice of reason.
They walk out to the beach. She strips down, and talks him into doing the same. She keeps saying you are only in Puerto Rico once. Well, this is actually the second time you were there. As you told us last week.
They frolic in the ocean and she says she doesn't care if the other girls find out. She has enough friends. Really, you have friends? Have I mentioned she is a bitch?
Cocktail party and rose ceremony time.
Now Ben feels guilty about the nak-scpade.
Jennifer is first to get one on one time. She tells him how much she likes him. He looks uncomfortable. But they kiss anyway.
Blakeley then corners him to tell him something really important. She tells him she writes something down every day about how wonderful he is. Seems a bit 8th grade to me. And because of this, she feels she now truly feels she deserves love. Hmm, therapy, or what? They kiss too. And yes, I don't dislike her now.
Courtney continues gloating to the camera, and says how their skinny dipping is so secret. Oh, well. Not for long.
Courtney tells the group she likes to be in her birthday suit as much as possible. Walk away girls, don't take the bait. They don't. And they fall right into the trap of discussing skinny dipping. Instead of telling the girls what she did, she just makes that stupid face and bashes Emily.
Speaking of Emily, she and Ben sit on the beach and she tries to focus on them, and not that piece of trash, Courtney. Have I mentioned she is a bitch?
Then Emily does a 180, and starts telling him about Courtney again. Sigh, get one of the other girls to do it! He tells her to drop it. Duh. But he is going to feel dumb when he sees the show. Now Emily is getting annoying. I wish she and Courtney both would go home.
Roses are now handed out to:
(Nicki and Kacie B have one)
Lindzi
Jamie (love her dress)
Rachel
Courtney
Casey S
Blakeley
Emily
Jennifer is the one going home. I totally did not see that coming. And neither did she. She cries a little but was classy. She wished him well and saved the heavy water works for the ride to the airport.
Now time to move the fiesta to Panama City.
Previews of next week - helicopters, dancing, kissing and Casey B crying. Looks like something really sad.
Previews of the rest of the season - Courtney bashing, beautiful scenery and a ring.
Out take - Chocolate spa with Ben and Nicki. Weird.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
How to catch a man, I mean, a fish
To start, I think we can all agree that Courtney is a mean, spiteful and hateful bitch. Well, except for Ben. Boy, is he going to feel dumb when he sees these episodes on tv.
This week the Ben and his bitches, I mean chicks move to Salt Lake City. Hey, is Crazy Michelle 2 anywhere near?
And we have the usual formula of a one on one date, group date, another one on one date and the ever climatic cocktail party. Chris Harrison arrives to remind them of this, and I'm distracted the big collar on his sweater. Anyway, first date card is here. We see that Kacie B is starting to come undone. Girl, hang with this, you could go far. (later she gets a pep talk from Monica. It seems Monica has gone from being girl kissing on episode 1 to being the counselor of the group)
Ben goes on the first one on one date with Rachel. They go on a lovely picnic. At times, the birds chirping were more exciting than their conversation. Really? Does no one know how to carry on a conversation? Let me give you a few starting points - Hey, I once went on vacation in (fill in the blank). Where are the places you have visited? What did you like about it? What's your favorite food? Do you like hiking, biking, or another damn activity? I mean, even ask their favorite sports team, food or freaking color. Seriously, it's not hard!
Despite being one of the most boring dates EVER, she gets a rose.
Now it's time for the group date, the theme is "Let's see who is a good catch". And Blakeley tell us you bet your sweet ass she's a good catch!
Ben rides up on a horse, the girls each get their own horse. Lindzi is getting ready to do circus tricks on her horse, and ends up giving lessons. Samantha is terrified and Courtney reminds everyone to watch out for poo. We all hope she falls in some poo. Nicki extols the qualities of Ben's hair.
They arrive at their destination and there are fishing waders and boots for everyone to wear. Oh, man, why isn't Blakeley wearing that ridiculous Hooters conductor outfit? Courtney says catching a fish can't be that much harder than catching a man. Sadly, she is right as she gets the fish and later, worms her way into snagging the group date rose (don't act like I spoiled it for you, it was expected).
The fishing expedition continues. What the hell has happened to Jamie? I thought she was a front runner, she is now way in the back. Ben helps Kacie cast her line and Courtney hones in on that action and she begins to plot how to reel him and a fish in. Bottom line, Ben falls for that crap, the girls are pissed and then Courtney some how manages to catch a damn fish. She should eat it.
Back at the hotel, the girls all toast to Courtney's demise. Little do they know.....
Ben: I don't know what it is, I just like spending time with Courtney.
Me: NO ONE ELSE GETS IT EITHER.
Outdoor Lindzi is pissed about the fish.
Time for the after party.
Ben takes the other Kasey to chat. No one knows why she is here, not even her.
Nicki decides it's her time for one on one because it's her 3rd f'n group date. She thanks him, and points out that SHE doesn't bitch about group dates, like SOME people, and they kiss until Samantha Sash interrupts.
And here we go with a repeat. It's Crazy Michelle 1 and Jake all over again, but Samantha holds it together just a little better. That won't get you on Bachelor Pad, Sammie!
Samantha starts it off by bitching about being on the 3 group dates. Opposite of Nicki. She digs her grave asking for more time. Long story short, he sends her packing. She is clueless. She cries more with the girls that she does with him. Well, the crying might get her on Bachelor Pad. She thought she was in love with him. Really?
Courtney gloats and says she didn't like her because she rubbed her the wrong way. And yet later, Courtney will tell us what a nice girl she is. Whatever.
Ben goes back to the group and says he did it out of honesty. They all appreciate it, and actually, it is one thing the does that makes sense to me.
The last one on one date card arrives, and it goes to Jennifer. Monica gets another glass of wine, and Elyse goes and does more push-ups.
Ben then asks Kacie B to join him for one on one time. She holds it together and it looks like the rose is going to her. They make out and she is all smiles.
Courtney is mad, but then gets her turn for one on one and turns on her "charm", otherwise known as "reeling him in". She gives him the "this is so hard, and I like you so much, and I'm not insecure, but it's hard". Ben goes and gives her the rose. Hook, line and sucker. I mean sinker.
Time for the last one on one date. I like Jennifer, and think she is cute and a nice girl, but this gets a summary. For the record, she isn't near as boring as Rachel.
They rappel down some hole in the ground into water. All I can think is those straps around her butt can't be comfortable in a bikini.
At the hotel Elyse, Rachel and Monica want the low-down on the group date and want to know how in the HELL Courtney got the rose. I notice Kasey S is sitting there and later we find out it's for recon work. Courtney comes in and it's awkward.
Back at the date, they jump in the water, get out, have dinner and go to a country music concert. She gets a rose.
Now, for the fun part. The cocktail party. Emily decides to cut off her nose to spite her face. I mean, go tell Ben how awful Courtney is. THAT NEVER GOES WELL, ASK ALLIE ABOUT VIENNA.
BTW - I love Jamie's dress. Give that girl a one on one date.
Monica has on the biggest push up bra in the world. Where can I get one?????
Emily thinks Ben will be happy for the 411. However, he doesn't get into that and gets annoyed. Emily reports this back to Jamie and the other Kasey. OMG, it turns out Kasey is Courtney's BFF!!!! Oh, and Kasey forgot to put on pants or a skirt. Emily continues to bash Courtney, while Kasey writes all this down and runs to tell her BFF.
Courtney is shocked to find out she is "mean". And then wants to rip her head off and verbally assault Emily.
Me: Ripping her head off would be physical assault. Dummy. Plus, if she no longer has her head on, she won't be able to hear your "verbal assault". And I hate Courtney's laugh.
Nicki gets more one on one time, and I see her getting a one on one date soon.
Courtney then confronts Emily, and she denies it. Dude, tell her she's a bitch.
Emily cries, and Courtney then does her stupid Charlie Sheen "winning" crap. Monica says "F that bitch". Hello, say that to her dumb face, please!!!
Bottom line, only one girl is going home.
Rachel, Jennifer and Courtney (gag) already have roses. He then offers roses to Lindzi, Jamie, Nicki, Kacie B, Elyse, Blakeley, Kasey without pants, and finally, Emily. Like the producers were going to let that drama go!
Monica cries, but I'm not sure why. She didn't seem to really connect with him, but maybe she's crying because she doesn't get to go on any more cool free trips.
Ben goes back in and announces to the group they are going to an island in Puerto Rico and they all shriek in delight. Except for Courtney who one-ups them with "I was just there 2 months ago". And in the toast she says (in that dumb baby voice) while raising her glass, I can go higher than anybody. Really, Ben. This is the girl you like?
Previews for next week, Emily continues to tell him about Courtney. And Courtney continues to outmaneuver them and drags Ben out for a skinny dip. Now, if only we had Vienna, Crazy Michelle 1, and Crazy Michelle 2 on this show.......
Out takes - Blakely doing some weird po-dunk hand slapping dance on a picnic table. And yes, I know I don't have enough rhythm to do that dance. Shut up.
This week the Ben and his bitches, I mean chicks move to Salt Lake City. Hey, is Crazy Michelle 2 anywhere near?
And we have the usual formula of a one on one date, group date, another one on one date and the ever climatic cocktail party. Chris Harrison arrives to remind them of this, and I'm distracted the big collar on his sweater. Anyway, first date card is here. We see that Kacie B is starting to come undone. Girl, hang with this, you could go far. (later she gets a pep talk from Monica. It seems Monica has gone from being girl kissing on episode 1 to being the counselor of the group)
Ben goes on the first one on one date with Rachel. They go on a lovely picnic. At times, the birds chirping were more exciting than their conversation. Really? Does no one know how to carry on a conversation? Let me give you a few starting points - Hey, I once went on vacation in (fill in the blank). Where are the places you have visited? What did you like about it? What's your favorite food? Do you like hiking, biking, or another damn activity? I mean, even ask their favorite sports team, food or freaking color. Seriously, it's not hard!
Despite being one of the most boring dates EVER, she gets a rose.
Now it's time for the group date, the theme is "Let's see who is a good catch". And Blakeley tell us you bet your sweet ass she's a good catch!
Ben rides up on a horse, the girls each get their own horse. Lindzi is getting ready to do circus tricks on her horse, and ends up giving lessons. Samantha is terrified and Courtney reminds everyone to watch out for poo. We all hope she falls in some poo. Nicki extols the qualities of Ben's hair.
They arrive at their destination and there are fishing waders and boots for everyone to wear. Oh, man, why isn't Blakeley wearing that ridiculous Hooters conductor outfit? Courtney says catching a fish can't be that much harder than catching a man. Sadly, she is right as she gets the fish and later, worms her way into snagging the group date rose (don't act like I spoiled it for you, it was expected).
The fishing expedition continues. What the hell has happened to Jamie? I thought she was a front runner, she is now way in the back. Ben helps Kacie cast her line and Courtney hones in on that action and she begins to plot how to reel him and a fish in. Bottom line, Ben falls for that crap, the girls are pissed and then Courtney some how manages to catch a damn fish. She should eat it.
Back at the hotel, the girls all toast to Courtney's demise. Little do they know.....
Ben: I don't know what it is, I just like spending time with Courtney.
Me: NO ONE ELSE GETS IT EITHER.
Outdoor Lindzi is pissed about the fish.
Time for the after party.
Ben takes the other Kasey to chat. No one knows why she is here, not even her.
Nicki decides it's her time for one on one because it's her 3rd f'n group date. She thanks him, and points out that SHE doesn't bitch about group dates, like SOME people, and they kiss until Samantha Sash interrupts.
And here we go with a repeat. It's Crazy Michelle 1 and Jake all over again, but Samantha holds it together just a little better. That won't get you on Bachelor Pad, Sammie!
Samantha starts it off by bitching about being on the 3 group dates. Opposite of Nicki. She digs her grave asking for more time. Long story short, he sends her packing. She is clueless. She cries more with the girls that she does with him. Well, the crying might get her on Bachelor Pad. She thought she was in love with him. Really?
Courtney gloats and says she didn't like her because she rubbed her the wrong way. And yet later, Courtney will tell us what a nice girl she is. Whatever.
Ben goes back to the group and says he did it out of honesty. They all appreciate it, and actually, it is one thing the does that makes sense to me.
The last one on one date card arrives, and it goes to Jennifer. Monica gets another glass of wine, and Elyse goes and does more push-ups.
Ben then asks Kacie B to join him for one on one time. She holds it together and it looks like the rose is going to her. They make out and she is all smiles.
Courtney is mad, but then gets her turn for one on one and turns on her "charm", otherwise known as "reeling him in". She gives him the "this is so hard, and I like you so much, and I'm not insecure, but it's hard". Ben goes and gives her the rose. Hook, line and sucker. I mean sinker.
Time for the last one on one date. I like Jennifer, and think she is cute and a nice girl, but this gets a summary. For the record, she isn't near as boring as Rachel.
They rappel down some hole in the ground into water. All I can think is those straps around her butt can't be comfortable in a bikini.
At the hotel Elyse, Rachel and Monica want the low-down on the group date and want to know how in the HELL Courtney got the rose. I notice Kasey S is sitting there and later we find out it's for recon work. Courtney comes in and it's awkward.
Back at the date, they jump in the water, get out, have dinner and go to a country music concert. She gets a rose.
Now, for the fun part. The cocktail party. Emily decides to cut off her nose to spite her face. I mean, go tell Ben how awful Courtney is. THAT NEVER GOES WELL, ASK ALLIE ABOUT VIENNA.
BTW - I love Jamie's dress. Give that girl a one on one date.
Monica has on the biggest push up bra in the world. Where can I get one?????
Emily thinks Ben will be happy for the 411. However, he doesn't get into that and gets annoyed. Emily reports this back to Jamie and the other Kasey. OMG, it turns out Kasey is Courtney's BFF!!!! Oh, and Kasey forgot to put on pants or a skirt. Emily continues to bash Courtney, while Kasey writes all this down and runs to tell her BFF.
Courtney is shocked to find out she is "mean". And then wants to rip her head off and verbally assault Emily.
Me: Ripping her head off would be physical assault. Dummy. Plus, if she no longer has her head on, she won't be able to hear your "verbal assault". And I hate Courtney's laugh.
Nicki gets more one on one time, and I see her getting a one on one date soon.
Courtney then confronts Emily, and she denies it. Dude, tell her she's a bitch.
Emily cries, and Courtney then does her stupid Charlie Sheen "winning" crap. Monica says "F that bitch". Hello, say that to her dumb face, please!!!
Bottom line, only one girl is going home.
Rachel, Jennifer and Courtney (gag) already have roses. He then offers roses to Lindzi, Jamie, Nicki, Kacie B, Elyse, Blakeley, Kasey without pants, and finally, Emily. Like the producers were going to let that drama go!
Monica cries, but I'm not sure why. She didn't seem to really connect with him, but maybe she's crying because she doesn't get to go on any more cool free trips.
Ben goes back in and announces to the group they are going to an island in Puerto Rico and they all shriek in delight. Except for Courtney who one-ups them with "I was just there 2 months ago". And in the toast she says (in that dumb baby voice) while raising her glass, I can go higher than anybody. Really, Ben. This is the girl you like?
Previews for next week, Emily continues to tell him about Courtney. And Courtney continues to outmaneuver them and drags Ben out for a skinny dip. Now, if only we had Vienna, Crazy Michelle 1, and Crazy Michelle 2 on this show.......
Out takes - Blakely doing some weird po-dunk hand slapping dance on a picnic table. And yes, I know I don't have enough rhythm to do that dance. Shut up.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Back from the Dead
And week 3, the train wreck moves to San Francisco. And now I have that Train song "Won't you save me San Francisco" in my head. At least I like the song.
Anyway, Ben tells Jennifer she is the best kisser. Hmm. And yet, he gave Blakeley the rose on the group date. Insulting, but Jennifer seems to have forgotten that part.
The girls bring their baggage, (as well as their luggage) and and settle in their new digs. Nice place, but anyway. Emily gets the first one on one date. She seems like a sweet girl and no one says anything negative. Oh, did I say no one? I meant no one with a personality. But Courtney, on the other hand, tells us how being book-smart is over rated. And so is being nice? Whatever. I thought Monica was going to be this season's Crazy Michelle. Move over, Crazy Courtney is in the house.
Ben and Emily begin their one on one date by, climbing a bridge. A really big bridge. The Bay Bridge. (Side note, this year I will running the Bay to Breakers 12 K in San Fran. Carry on)
Of course they are both afraid of heights, but they kiss and conquer their fear!
Ben: If we can conquer this, we can conquer anything!
Me: You do realize you have a safety harness and this will all be over soon.
They climb to the top, and it's wonderful. It's a bit anti-climatic, so let's move to the dinner date.
Emily likes him, they talk about Ashley. He asks about her past relationships. She tells a long story about how on line dating matched her with her brother.
Back at the hotel, some other Casey chick talks. Who is she? Anyway, it's the group date card. We get Blakeley, Jaclyn, Kacie B, Erica, Samantha, Jamie, Monica, Rachel, Nicki, Elyse, and the aforementioned Casey girl.
The date is crossing something off the Leap List. The new bucket list phrase. Thumbs down.
Anyway, back to the Emily/Ben date. Boring, but sweet, she gets a rose. Oh, and then they get a private fireworks show. Um, maybe you mean personal? Because it certainly wasn't private if the harem and the rest of San Francisco can see them.
The group date is skiing in bikinis in pumped in/fake snow. Careful, it can lead to frost butt, I mean, frost bite. Honda gets their sponsorship time and shows the wall paper feature. The pictures are of the girls. No one likes Blakeley. We know, and we don't either.
Ben shows the girls the street with "snow". The girls put their ski boots on. And of course, what everyone wears with boots, bikinis. Some girls can ski, some can't. Kacie B ended up skiing down butt first. See what I mean by frost butt?
Now at the hotel, the date card arrives and it's for Grandma, I mean Brittney. She gets a Neal Lane necklace with a Key to the city, for their date. Brittney begins to express doubt, and is thinking of going home. Courtney begins to pack Brittney's bags for her.
The group date hits evening portion and the girls have given up the bikinis and are in actual dresses. Rachel gets the first one on one time, she tells him he is "Chill" he tells her she is "Laid Back" and they make out. I don't think she'll get the rose, but I was wrong on the last group date.
The stealing Ben continues and Elyse gets her turn, and then Kacie (and I love her dress). They kiss too, and I think she is a front runner.
In the hotel Brittney continues to whine about not knowing what to do. And how these aren't the circumstances aren't for her.
Me: Uh, had you seen the show BEFORE you signed up for it? I'm sure you have. Dummy.
She goes down and takes Ben from the group and tells him she is leaving.
Brittney: This is hardest decision of my life.
Me: Really, deciding whether to go on a date with someone is the hardest decision of you life?
Brittney: I have to find Ben and then leave forever.
Me: There is no such thing as forever. There is the Bachelor Pad.
Blakeley is telling him how all the girls hate her. Not a smart move. Although he doesn't pick up on that. He tells her to try and make friends. With who? One of the 2 previous Crazy Michelles?
Brittney tells him she is leaving. Good, here is a taxi for you while the rest of the girls do the happy dance that another one bites the dust. Too bad they can't do that when Shawntal takes her place (don't act like I spoiled that for you, everyone knows by now).
Ben worries he is going to end up alone, but he has plenty of other choices, and with that, he gives the group date rose to Rachel. Damn. I was wrong again.
Well, since Brittney bailed, someone else gets the date, and it goes to Lindzi. Take that, Courtney! Jennifer's feelings are hurt, and Lindzi goes to get ready.
I found this date boring, so I am going to summarize. They ride the trolley, eat ice cream, have a private show with singer Matt Nathanson (barf) and she gets a rose.
Now to the exciting part. The cocktail party.
Trainer girl Elyse is chatting him up, and Shawntal walks in. All the women want to know who the hell it is. At first they think it's an X, but someone recognizes her. Immediately, they all hate her.
Shawntal and Ben chat. The girls watch and listen. (btw, I like Samantha's silvery dress) and Elyse is screeching "WHO IS SHE?". Shawntal tells him she likes him and is going to be a part of the rose ceremony. Ben is quite conflicted as he likes her, but knows how mad the other girls will be.
Shawntal is then fed to the wolves. I mean, left with the other chicks.
Ben: I hope these other women are gracious and welcoming.
Me: HA HA HA HA HA HA. No, really? HA HA HA HA HA. Yeah, not happening.
Shawntal tries to explain her reasonings. Elyse becomes a Jersey house wife and readily organizes a hit and will have her fed to the fishes. Rachel acts like an Atlanta house wife and just bitches about all of it. Erika claims that Shawntal has thicker thighs than she does. What? I dont' know what house wife that is, except for a delusional one.
Courtney pouts like a child, and for this week, the women are all bonded together. Just wait, next week they will all hate each other again. Look, you are on a show where it's one guy who gets to date a boat load of girls, what's one more?
Rose ceremony time - Emily, Rachel and Lindzi are safe. He gives the first rose to Courtney. Who then bitches about "What's-her-butt". Well, I'm not a Courtney fan, but even I can admit, the phrase what's-her-butt is funny and in fact, my new favorite phrase.
Next roses - Kacie B, Elyse, Jamie, Jennifer, Casey S (who?), Blakeley, Monica, Nicki, Samantha.
And at this point, there is one rose left. Before Ben can give it out, Erika falls over. Jamie the nurse is trying to take care of her, then the medics come in. Oh, and Jaclyn is crying. And apparently this is all Shawntal's fault.
Everyone is set back up, and Ben declines to give none of the last 3 the final rose. Jaclyn cries, Erika doesn't pass out, and Shawntal is pissed. No worries, we know we will see you on the Bachelor Pad. Erika goes down again, but just sitting. Jaclyn is boo-hooing and Emily is her new BFF. Shawntal sucks it up and walks out like a big girl. Courtney acts like a snot and tells her "See Ya". Stay classy!
Previews for next week - Courtney starts picking on Emily. This won't be pretty.
Outakes then show us why Erika goes home. She has a prison tatt on the inside of her bottom lip. It says Amore - Italian for love, and she often has to have it re-done. Not a sexy place. Especially when you show it to someone. You can't talk when you have your lip folded over, and you kind of look like an idiot.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
To Town We Go!
Week 2 of the Bachelor. I'm off the pain killers from surgery and able to drink wine. All is right in the world, at least in my world. For a couple of the girls on the show, their world will never be right, unless they get major therapy (Jenna).
The girls head to Sonoma. Ben's home town. My mecca - wineries. Ah, if I were only 10 years younger, and 20 pounds lighter. Anyway. We are down to 18 girls, which means the group dates will begin. Oh, aren't those fun. Well at least for us.
Ben talks about his dad, who if you have NEVER seen this show, his father passed away.
The girls arrive at the Sonoma mansion, I pay homage to wine country and pour myself a glass of sauvingon blanc. Well, actually, I sent my little sister downstairs to fetch it for me. Hey, she's here to take care of me. That counts!
Ben drops by with the first one on one date card. It's for Kacie B. from Tennessee. She is one of the girls who I have on my front runner list, and actually like. And I am immensely jealous of her hair. She has perfect hair.
The rest of the girls don their bikinis and grab some booze and hit the pool. All while seething with jealously. I'm sure the producers have stocked the place, so get drunk and console yourself.
Ben drives Kacie around Sonoma in his cool jeep. They walk around the town, and it's empty. Where are all the people? He shows her he can play the piano and then they go shopping. They hit a boutique buy a Kermit the Frog lunch box. Every girl needs a Kermit the Frog lunch box???? I guess it's better than Miss Piggy.
Then Kacie sees a baton in the boutique. She dashes back in and buys it so she can show him how to twirl and march. This date is going swimmingly well, they have dinner and they eventually enter a darkened theater - for a private screening of "This is your life".
Back at the Harem House, the date card for the group date arrives. The list of harlots, I mean women are: Britteny (grandma girl), Rachel (blond bangs), Jennifer (accountant), Blakeley (bad feather earrings), Emily (rapper epi-something-ologist), Jenna (crazy Carrie Bradshaw), Shawn (who?), Monica (mean girl), Samantha (sash girl), Jamie (nurse we like), Nicki (divorced girl from Texas), and Jaclyn (the girl who got to read the card).
The clue says "come play with me". Well, if it's in a sand box, look out, Blakeley aint afraid to throw sand!
Back at the date, Ben gives Kacie B the rose and they move to the afore-mentioned theater.
They watch videos of them growing up. Christmas, twirling competitions and dads. Ben was a cute baby, and apparently a naked baby. Aw, there is his dad. Sniff. Even if you hate all reality shows, if this doesn't make you a little sad, well, move to a cave above Whosville and be the new Grinch.
They kiss and she returns to the House, and all the other women pretend to be happy, be we all know they aren't. At this point, Kacie Bi s one of the ones I am rooting for.
Now it's time to sharpen your claws. I mean, go on the group date.
Blakely: I hope he sees me today.
Me: He can't miss you in the striped train conductor onesie that barely holds your hooters in place. All she needs is a hat and a whistle, Come on aboard, boys! Moving on, that joke is too easy.
They are in the town square of Sonoma. The local kids have written a play and the girls have to audition for parts. He tells them it's the best play writes, and it's a group of kids. Ha ha. Yeah, I be the moms love the Hooter Conductor, I mean Blakelely.
Anyway, the auditions start. Most are marginal.
The the Hooter Conductor gets her turn and one of the boys asks if she can run in slow motion. Ah, a well placed plant, but anyway. Cut to the other girls making fun of her and one little girl who is at a loss of words (Hooter Conductor is what you are looking for) says she wasn't a fan of hers. No one is, except Blakeley herself, and likely 90% of the male population. Sigh.
Back to the play, we hear Monica and her cackle. They all get ridiculous costumes and perform the kids' play in front of the town. Good thing they gave the Hooter Conductor the Gingerbread costume. It covers her completely. I think the last time Blakeley was covered completely, it likely involved whip cream. Moving on, they do the lame play and finally we get to the after party. Booze, bikinis and boobs. We have already seen one of those 3.
Blakely gets the first alone time, and he tells her he thinks she is very grounded and everyone likes her. What? Ah, add to Ben's qualities "unobservant".
Then he tells her he loved her outfit. Let's go from "unobservant" to "bad taste".
Ben: Where does that style come from?
Me: Hooter Conductor Whore shop.
Blakeley: Wasn't it just so cute? And didn't it show case my best asset?
Me: Yes, your boobs were there, and yes, he noticed. Men!
Samantha the Sash is now in the ladies room because she hates Blakeley. She has a powwow on the toilet with 2 other girls. They hate her. We all do.
The last one on one date card arrives, and it goes to the bitchy girl who is the size of an 8 year old girl. She needless Lindzi about the horse, and the other girls, and it works.
Kacie B reads the card and spits out Courtney's name.
The date card read "Let's spin the bottle". Courtney says that means he wants to kiss me and then asks Kacie B. how that tasted coming out of her mouth? Kacie politely declines to answer, even though she was thinking it tasted more like the food Courtney throws up to maintain her 100 pound model figure.
Back on the group date, everyone is in the pool. Blakeley has declared she is going to get the rose, and she has her train on the rack, I mean track. But before she can get the rose, Jennifer steals him away to the hot tub and they make out. I'm thinking she could become a front runner, and I don't hate her.
The girls put their money on Jennifer getting the rose. Blakeley and her blue ruffled bikini tells the camera she is a Scorpio and she has a tail that stings. The other girls see them making out and Blakeley is quite turned on by everyone watching. Whatever.
Jacyln - "Blakeley is fakely". HA HA. And she adds that all the girls will be pissed if she gets the rose. Get ready to be pissed.
And now the rose goes to Blakeley. Jennifer is completely deflated and the Hooter Conduct acts surprised.
Blakeley: It's like he chose me.
Me: Yes, that's what happened. We are shocked too, or we run out and purchase our own onesie jumper. I will also need to purchase a set of Hooters.
The next day Ben arrives to pick Courtney up for her one on one date and brings his little dog, Scotch. A cute Jack Russell.
She talks to the camera, but I really don't listen. Is it just me, or her personality just BORING?
They are both happy and excited, blah, blah.
They try to get Scotch to howl by doing a weird Star Wars noise. That apparently works. The dog d0es a cute howl, my dogs continue to snore on the couch.
Courtney tells him her cheeks hurt from laughing so much. Okay, the dog howling is amusing, but how is it that funny? Earlier she said she was "winning". I'd change that to "trying", as in trying too hard.
They discuss their dating past. She claims she doesn't get asked out a lot. Not buying. I'm guessing she just says no a lot.
Then they discuss traveling, kids, careers and all the fun stuff about relationships. No one ever talks about paying bills, religion, or the neatness/messiness factor.
He claims she is the full package and it's obvious she will be getting the rose. Ugh. Ben, last 2 choices, bad. Predictable, but bad.
Over dinner they discuss their past. Ben was a frat-party college boy. She dated an actor and a photographer in LA. Oh, who, who? Sadly, they cheated on her and she doesn't tell us anyway. She played that sympathy card perfectly! Other than that, I still find her quite boring. And as predicted, she gets the rose.
Now it's super meltdown time. I mean cocktail party time.
Some dummy says it seems weird someone is going home tonight. Uh, that is the premises of the show.
Ben arrives and starts with the fact that some people did not get a date, so he decides to start off with the girls who didn't get a date, starting with first impression, Lindzi.
She tells him she drives a big ass truck and plays in the dirt. She tells him she isn't used to wearing make up all the time. I predict she will go far.
Now Samantha Sash gets her time with Ben. She had a meltdown on last week's group date over Blakeley.
Erika stirs the pot and asks about the group date and rose.
Samantha is in the midst of telling him how she is not a drama queen, and Blakeley interrupts. Oh, don't you already have a rose? You can guess how that goes over with the rest of the girls.
Ben: I was really impressed with you at the audition.
Me: You couldn't see past her boobs.
Erika is getting her time, and then Blakeley comes back a 2nd time. Really? I thought Monica was going to be this season's Vienna. Nope, it's Blakeley, who, strangely enough was Monica's girlfriend in episode one.
The Blakeley bashing continues, and Ben steps into the twilight zone. I mean, grabs Jenna. She puts her coat over the candle. Ben averts the fire hazard, but not the crazy zone. She tells him she is very guy-like. Sorry, but I don't know that many neurotic, over-analyzing guys. That didn't go well, so she hides under the covers and cries. Someone please call that Dr. guy that was treating Brad Womack. She needs him.
Jaclyn has the show quote of the night in referring to Blakeley: "She isn't someone you take home to your parents, she is someone to motorboat". HA HA HA. First show did not show this girl enough, she actually has a personality! Not that cute, but funny!
Blakeley says she didn't care what anyone says, goes and hides in a corner behind a suitcase. But then she looks up, and she hasn't been crying. Ben comes to check on her. Well, played Blakeley.
Jamie gets her alone time and starts to blow it. Just talk when you get your chance! We like you!
Ben then chats with Britteny and gives her a hug that does not bode well for her future on the show. He finds Blakeley, and as I said, bitch wasn't even crying. Go back to hiding in the corner.
Ben then finds Jenna under the covers crying. Good bye Jenna.
Chris Harrison enters and it is rose ceremony time. Safe with roses are Kacie B (yah!), Courtney and Blakeley (boo!!!!!).
Out of the 18, 2 girls go home. No surprise, Jenna, and some blond girl. Jenna breaks down, as expected. She can't understand why she is going home. She really needs a therapist. And prozac.
Next week - they go to San Francisco, and the bomb is that an ex-girlfriend shows up, and someone passes out at the rose ceremony. Who is the mystery girl????
The outtake - Ben and Kacie B on their date talking about how wonderful the town is. And about that time the Po-Po tear through the town, sirens blazing. Another producer machination. Or the girls setting the Hooter Conductor outfit on fire.
The girls head to Sonoma. Ben's home town. My mecca - wineries. Ah, if I were only 10 years younger, and 20 pounds lighter. Anyway. We are down to 18 girls, which means the group dates will begin. Oh, aren't those fun. Well at least for us.
Ben talks about his dad, who if you have NEVER seen this show, his father passed away.
The girls arrive at the Sonoma mansion, I pay homage to wine country and pour myself a glass of sauvingon blanc. Well, actually, I sent my little sister downstairs to fetch it for me. Hey, she's here to take care of me. That counts!
Ben drops by with the first one on one date card. It's for Kacie B. from Tennessee. She is one of the girls who I have on my front runner list, and actually like. And I am immensely jealous of her hair. She has perfect hair.
The rest of the girls don their bikinis and grab some booze and hit the pool. All while seething with jealously. I'm sure the producers have stocked the place, so get drunk and console yourself.
Ben drives Kacie around Sonoma in his cool jeep. They walk around the town, and it's empty. Where are all the people? He shows her he can play the piano and then they go shopping. They hit a boutique buy a Kermit the Frog lunch box. Every girl needs a Kermit the Frog lunch box???? I guess it's better than Miss Piggy.
Then Kacie sees a baton in the boutique. She dashes back in and buys it so she can show him how to twirl and march. This date is going swimmingly well, they have dinner and they eventually enter a darkened theater - for a private screening of "This is your life".
Back at the Harem House, the date card for the group date arrives. The list of harlots, I mean women are: Britteny (grandma girl), Rachel (blond bangs), Jennifer (accountant), Blakeley (bad feather earrings), Emily (rapper epi-something-ologist), Jenna (crazy Carrie Bradshaw), Shawn (who?), Monica (mean girl), Samantha (sash girl), Jamie (nurse we like), Nicki (divorced girl from Texas), and Jaclyn (the girl who got to read the card).
The clue says "come play with me". Well, if it's in a sand box, look out, Blakeley aint afraid to throw sand!
Back at the date, Ben gives Kacie B the rose and they move to the afore-mentioned theater.
They watch videos of them growing up. Christmas, twirling competitions and dads. Ben was a cute baby, and apparently a naked baby. Aw, there is his dad. Sniff. Even if you hate all reality shows, if this doesn't make you a little sad, well, move to a cave above Whosville and be the new Grinch.
They kiss and she returns to the House, and all the other women pretend to be happy, be we all know they aren't. At this point, Kacie Bi s one of the ones I am rooting for.
Now it's time to sharpen your claws. I mean, go on the group date.
Blakely: I hope he sees me today.
Me: He can't miss you in the striped train conductor onesie that barely holds your hooters in place. All she needs is a hat and a whistle, Come on aboard, boys! Moving on, that joke is too easy.
They are in the town square of Sonoma. The local kids have written a play and the girls have to audition for parts. He tells them it's the best play writes, and it's a group of kids. Ha ha. Yeah, I be the moms love the Hooter Conductor, I mean Blakelely.
Anyway, the auditions start. Most are marginal.
The the Hooter Conductor gets her turn and one of the boys asks if she can run in slow motion. Ah, a well placed plant, but anyway. Cut to the other girls making fun of her and one little girl who is at a loss of words (Hooter Conductor is what you are looking for) says she wasn't a fan of hers. No one is, except Blakeley herself, and likely 90% of the male population. Sigh.
Back to the play, we hear Monica and her cackle. They all get ridiculous costumes and perform the kids' play in front of the town. Good thing they gave the Hooter Conductor the Gingerbread costume. It covers her completely. I think the last time Blakeley was covered completely, it likely involved whip cream. Moving on, they do the lame play and finally we get to the after party. Booze, bikinis and boobs. We have already seen one of those 3.
Blakely gets the first alone time, and he tells her he thinks she is very grounded and everyone likes her. What? Ah, add to Ben's qualities "unobservant".
Then he tells her he loved her outfit. Let's go from "unobservant" to "bad taste".
Ben: Where does that style come from?
Me: Hooter Conductor Whore shop.
Blakeley: Wasn't it just so cute? And didn't it show case my best asset?
Me: Yes, your boobs were there, and yes, he noticed. Men!
Samantha the Sash is now in the ladies room because she hates Blakeley. She has a powwow on the toilet with 2 other girls. They hate her. We all do.
The last one on one date card arrives, and it goes to the bitchy girl who is the size of an 8 year old girl. She needless Lindzi about the horse, and the other girls, and it works.
Kacie B reads the card and spits out Courtney's name.
The date card read "Let's spin the bottle". Courtney says that means he wants to kiss me and then asks Kacie B. how that tasted coming out of her mouth? Kacie politely declines to answer, even though she was thinking it tasted more like the food Courtney throws up to maintain her 100 pound model figure.
Back on the group date, everyone is in the pool. Blakeley has declared she is going to get the rose, and she has her train on the rack, I mean track. But before she can get the rose, Jennifer steals him away to the hot tub and they make out. I'm thinking she could become a front runner, and I don't hate her.
The girls put their money on Jennifer getting the rose. Blakeley and her blue ruffled bikini tells the camera she is a Scorpio and she has a tail that stings. The other girls see them making out and Blakeley is quite turned on by everyone watching. Whatever.
Jacyln - "Blakeley is fakely". HA HA. And she adds that all the girls will be pissed if she gets the rose. Get ready to be pissed.
And now the rose goes to Blakeley. Jennifer is completely deflated and the Hooter Conduct acts surprised.
Blakeley: It's like he chose me.
Me: Yes, that's what happened. We are shocked too, or we run out and purchase our own onesie jumper. I will also need to purchase a set of Hooters.
The next day Ben arrives to pick Courtney up for her one on one date and brings his little dog, Scotch. A cute Jack Russell.
She talks to the camera, but I really don't listen. Is it just me, or her personality just BORING?
They are both happy and excited, blah, blah.
They try to get Scotch to howl by doing a weird Star Wars noise. That apparently works. The dog d0es a cute howl, my dogs continue to snore on the couch.
Courtney tells him her cheeks hurt from laughing so much. Okay, the dog howling is amusing, but how is it that funny? Earlier she said she was "winning". I'd change that to "trying", as in trying too hard.
They discuss their dating past. She claims she doesn't get asked out a lot. Not buying. I'm guessing she just says no a lot.
Then they discuss traveling, kids, careers and all the fun stuff about relationships. No one ever talks about paying bills, religion, or the neatness/messiness factor.
He claims she is the full package and it's obvious she will be getting the rose. Ugh. Ben, last 2 choices, bad. Predictable, but bad.
Over dinner they discuss their past. Ben was a frat-party college boy. She dated an actor and a photographer in LA. Oh, who, who? Sadly, they cheated on her and she doesn't tell us anyway. She played that sympathy card perfectly! Other than that, I still find her quite boring. And as predicted, she gets the rose.
Now it's super meltdown time. I mean cocktail party time.
Some dummy says it seems weird someone is going home tonight. Uh, that is the premises of the show.
Ben arrives and starts with the fact that some people did not get a date, so he decides to start off with the girls who didn't get a date, starting with first impression, Lindzi.
She tells him she drives a big ass truck and plays in the dirt. She tells him she isn't used to wearing make up all the time. I predict she will go far.
Now Samantha Sash gets her time with Ben. She had a meltdown on last week's group date over Blakeley.
Erika stirs the pot and asks about the group date and rose.
Samantha is in the midst of telling him how she is not a drama queen, and Blakeley interrupts. Oh, don't you already have a rose? You can guess how that goes over with the rest of the girls.
Ben: I was really impressed with you at the audition.
Me: You couldn't see past her boobs.
Erika is getting her time, and then Blakeley comes back a 2nd time. Really? I thought Monica was going to be this season's Vienna. Nope, it's Blakeley, who, strangely enough was Monica's girlfriend in episode one.
The Blakeley bashing continues, and Ben steps into the twilight zone. I mean, grabs Jenna. She puts her coat over the candle. Ben averts the fire hazard, but not the crazy zone. She tells him she is very guy-like. Sorry, but I don't know that many neurotic, over-analyzing guys. That didn't go well, so she hides under the covers and cries. Someone please call that Dr. guy that was treating Brad Womack. She needs him.
Jaclyn has the show quote of the night in referring to Blakeley: "She isn't someone you take home to your parents, she is someone to motorboat". HA HA HA. First show did not show this girl enough, she actually has a personality! Not that cute, but funny!
Blakeley says she didn't care what anyone says, goes and hides in a corner behind a suitcase. But then she looks up, and she hasn't been crying. Ben comes to check on her. Well, played Blakeley.
Jamie gets her alone time and starts to blow it. Just talk when you get your chance! We like you!
Ben then chats with Britteny and gives her a hug that does not bode well for her future on the show. He finds Blakeley, and as I said, bitch wasn't even crying. Go back to hiding in the corner.
Ben then finds Jenna under the covers crying. Good bye Jenna.
Chris Harrison enters and it is rose ceremony time. Safe with roses are Kacie B (yah!), Courtney and Blakeley (boo!!!!!).
Out of the 18, 2 girls go home. No surprise, Jenna, and some blond girl. Jenna breaks down, as expected. She can't understand why she is going home. She really needs a therapist. And prozac.
Next week - they go to San Francisco, and the bomb is that an ex-girlfriend shows up, and someone passes out at the rose ceremony. Who is the mystery girl????
The outtake - Ben and Kacie B on their date talking about how wonderful the town is. And about that time the Po-Po tear through the town, sirens blazing. Another producer machination. Or the girls setting the Hooter Conductor outfit on fire.
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