To start, I think we can all agree that Courtney is a mean, spiteful and hateful bitch. Well, except for Ben. Boy, is he going to feel dumb when he sees these episodes on tv.
This week the Ben and his bitches, I mean chicks move to Salt Lake City. Hey, is Crazy Michelle 2 anywhere near?
And we have the usual formula of a one on one date, group date, another one on one date and the ever climatic cocktail party. Chris Harrison arrives to remind them of this, and I'm distracted the big collar on his sweater. Anyway, first date card is here. We see that Kacie B is starting to come undone. Girl, hang with this, you could go far. (later she gets a pep talk from Monica. It seems Monica has gone from being girl kissing on episode 1 to being the counselor of the group)
Ben goes on the first one on one date with Rachel. They go on a lovely picnic. At times, the birds chirping were more exciting than their conversation. Really? Does no one know how to carry on a conversation? Let me give you a few starting points - Hey, I once went on vacation in (fill in the blank). Where are the places you have visited? What did you like about it? What's your favorite food? Do you like hiking, biking, or another damn activity? I mean, even ask their favorite sports team, food or freaking color. Seriously, it's not hard!
Despite being one of the most boring dates EVER, she gets a rose.
Now it's time for the group date, the theme is "Let's see who is a good catch". And Blakeley tell us you bet your sweet ass she's a good catch!
Ben rides up on a horse, the girls each get their own horse. Lindzi is getting ready to do circus tricks on her horse, and ends up giving lessons. Samantha is terrified and Courtney reminds everyone to watch out for poo. We all hope she falls in some poo. Nicki extols the qualities of Ben's hair.
They arrive at their destination and there are fishing waders and boots for everyone to wear. Oh, man, why isn't Blakeley wearing that ridiculous Hooters conductor outfit? Courtney says catching a fish can't be that much harder than catching a man. Sadly, she is right as she gets the fish and later, worms her way into snagging the group date rose (don't act like I spoiled it for you, it was expected).
The fishing expedition continues. What the hell has happened to Jamie? I thought she was a front runner, she is now way in the back. Ben helps Kacie cast her line and Courtney hones in on that action and she begins to plot how to reel him and a fish in. Bottom line, Ben falls for that crap, the girls are pissed and then Courtney some how manages to catch a damn fish. She should eat it.
Back at the hotel, the girls all toast to Courtney's demise. Little do they know.....
Ben: I don't know what it is, I just like spending time with Courtney.
Me: NO ONE ELSE GETS IT EITHER.
Outdoor Lindzi is pissed about the fish.
Time for the after party.
Ben takes the other Kasey to chat. No one knows why she is here, not even her.
Nicki decides it's her time for one on one because it's her 3rd f'n group date. She thanks him, and points out that SHE doesn't bitch about group dates, like SOME people, and they kiss until Samantha Sash interrupts.
And here we go with a repeat. It's Crazy Michelle 1 and Jake all over again, but Samantha holds it together just a little better. That won't get you on Bachelor Pad, Sammie!
Samantha starts it off by bitching about being on the 3 group dates. Opposite of Nicki. She digs her grave asking for more time. Long story short, he sends her packing. She is clueless. She cries more with the girls that she does with him. Well, the crying might get her on Bachelor Pad. She thought she was in love with him. Really?
Courtney gloats and says she didn't like her because she rubbed her the wrong way. And yet later, Courtney will tell us what a nice girl she is. Whatever.
Ben goes back to the group and says he did it out of honesty. They all appreciate it, and actually, it is one thing the does that makes sense to me.
The last one on one date card arrives, and it goes to Jennifer. Monica gets another glass of wine, and Elyse goes and does more push-ups.
Ben then asks Kacie B to join him for one on one time. She holds it together and it looks like the rose is going to her. They make out and she is all smiles.
Courtney is mad, but then gets her turn for one on one and turns on her "charm", otherwise known as "reeling him in". She gives him the "this is so hard, and I like you so much, and I'm not insecure, but it's hard". Ben goes and gives her the rose. Hook, line and sucker. I mean sinker.
Time for the last one on one date. I like Jennifer, and think she is cute and a nice girl, but this gets a summary. For the record, she isn't near as boring as Rachel.
They rappel down some hole in the ground into water. All I can think is those straps around her butt can't be comfortable in a bikini.
At the hotel Elyse, Rachel and Monica want the low-down on the group date and want to know how in the HELL Courtney got the rose. I notice Kasey S is sitting there and later we find out it's for recon work. Courtney comes in and it's awkward.
Back at the date, they jump in the water, get out, have dinner and go to a country music concert. She gets a rose.
Now, for the fun part. The cocktail party. Emily decides to cut off her nose to spite her face. I mean, go tell Ben how awful Courtney is. THAT NEVER GOES WELL, ASK ALLIE ABOUT VIENNA.
BTW - I love Jamie's dress. Give that girl a one on one date.
Monica has on the biggest push up bra in the world. Where can I get one?????
Emily thinks Ben will be happy for the 411. However, he doesn't get into that and gets annoyed. Emily reports this back to Jamie and the other Kasey. OMG, it turns out Kasey is Courtney's BFF!!!! Oh, and Kasey forgot to put on pants or a skirt. Emily continues to bash Courtney, while Kasey writes all this down and runs to tell her BFF.
Courtney is shocked to find out she is "mean". And then wants to rip her head off and verbally assault Emily.
Me: Ripping her head off would be physical assault. Dummy. Plus, if she no longer has her head on, she won't be able to hear your "verbal assault". And I hate Courtney's laugh.
Nicki gets more one on one time, and I see her getting a one on one date soon.
Courtney then confronts Emily, and she denies it. Dude, tell her she's a bitch.
Emily cries, and Courtney then does her stupid Charlie Sheen "winning" crap. Monica says "F that bitch". Hello, say that to her dumb face, please!!!
Bottom line, only one girl is going home.
Rachel, Jennifer and Courtney (gag) already have roses. He then offers roses to Lindzi, Jamie, Nicki, Kacie B, Elyse, Blakeley, Kasey without pants, and finally, Emily. Like the producers were going to let that drama go!
Monica cries, but I'm not sure why. She didn't seem to really connect with him, but maybe she's crying because she doesn't get to go on any more cool free trips.
Ben goes back in and announces to the group they are going to an island in Puerto Rico and they all shriek in delight. Except for Courtney who one-ups them with "I was just there 2 months ago". And in the toast she says (in that dumb baby voice) while raising her glass, I can go higher than anybody. Really, Ben. This is the girl you like?
Previews for next week, Emily continues to tell him about Courtney. And Courtney continues to outmaneuver them and drags Ben out for a skinny dip. Now, if only we had Vienna, Crazy Michelle 1, and Crazy Michelle 2 on this show.......
Out takes - Blakely doing some weird po-dunk hand slapping dance on a picnic table. And yes, I know I don't have enough rhythm to do that dance. Shut up.
No comments:
Post a Comment