Time to get Tribal

This week's magical journey takes us to Panama City, Panama.
Previews - Kissing, dancing, Courtney being a bitch and running around naked, and some hella ugly crying!

Blakeley: Ben has taken us to Sonoma, San Francisco, Utah, Puerto Rico, and now Panama.
Me: Again, you understand that ABC planned it and paid for it?

The hotel is freaking awesome.
Courtney: Life is good.
Me: Not while you are in it.
She reminds us of the skinny dipping and we all know, she's "winning".

Ben arrives in a jeep, and I'm really beginning to hate his hair.
Blakeley tells the group she wants a one on one date so badly she can't stand it. Kacie B tries to console her. And Ben arrives and the date card goes to Kacie B, irony. Blakeley, there has to be a liquor cabinet.

Courtney disses his choice and wisely says: It could go one of two ways.
Me: No sh*t, sherlock. There are only 2 choices, stay or go.

Their date card says "Can our love survive, bring 3 things". And of course, here is a helicopter. Because every guy picks you up in one of those.
They end up playing Survivor and are dropped off on an empty island. The 3 things she brought, was a green monkey? Corkscrew and candy. I guess he bought her that monkey. He brought a machete, fishing net and matches. WTH? No wine? Or at least rum for the coconuts they find.
Long story short - they sit on the beach, drink coconut milk, fish, cook the fish and hang out. It was a nice beginning to the date. Now they move on to the evening portion. Dinner with the rose on the table.

Kacie: I do miss doing normal day to day things.
Me: WHAT? A girl who realizes that the helicopter and rooftop dining isn't a part of normal life? Pick her now.

Back at the hotel, the group date card arrives - "Let's get lost". On the date is Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Kasey, Courtney and Jamie. Rachel immediately realizes that she and Blakeley are the two on one date. Blakeley would do the happy dance, but she isn't wearing a bra and could injure herself. Rachel is nervous, and Blakeley doesn't really care. She's ready to shine!

Back to Kacie and Ben. She tells him her past, and that she once had an eating disorder. And since she has opened up to him, he gives her the rose. He really likes her, and let's hope he's smart enough to pick her over that bitch, Courtney. Have I mentioned that I hate her?

Now it's the group date. Ben shows up in a big long boat. Insert your own joke here. They continue with their Survivor theme and they take off into the jungle.

Next thing you know, they are in a village where a Panamanian tribe lives. The women of the tribe take the girls to the huts and give them authentic tribal outfits. They indicate they don't need their bathing suit tops under their new beaded tops.
Courtney and Jamie have a discussion about the situation and Courtney tells her she doesn't need to take her bra off. And then of course, immediately ditches hers.

The other girls are appalled. And notice that she took of her pants too and only a skirt.
Ben shows up in a loin cloth.

Ben immediately notices that Courtney doesn't have her bathing suit top on. And just in case he didn't, she announces this to him. Oh, Ben, it's not like you haven't seen her boobs before, would now be a good time to tell that to the group? Probably not. Carry on.

Then there is tribal body-painting and dancing. It includes Courtney painting B+C=Love. And a whole lot of her trying to impress Ben with shaking her ta-tas all over the place. Really, it would only be impressive if you have ta-tas like Blakeley.
The entourage leaves the jungle and heads to the required rooftop with a pool for the evening portion of the date.

At that time, Lindzi gets the first one on one time. Ben tells her she is easy-going, and Lindzi tells him she is, but this is hard. I think she was about to bash Courtney, but got the hint to just go the other way. They make out.

Ben then asks Courtney for one on one time.
She sashays out and says "I'm being stolen". Emily gives her a look that says "We wish you were being stolen by a group of angry Pygmy villagers and eaten". We all wish that, but it's just Ben.
Ben thanks her for being assertive. Well, played Courtney.

Jamie then decides she is going to step it up now. She tries to kiss him, but she talks way too much and then Courtney pool-bombs their time. Courtney jumps in the pool by herself in an itty-bitty white bikini. Jamie continues to talk 100 miles a minute and Ben is distracted by the evil mermaid, Courtney. What an inconsiderate bitch. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Jamie's plan falls apart and there is no kissing.

Emily takes her turn with Ben and uses humor to get his attention. She tells him she is dumping him for the Chief at the village. Ben finds this amusing. Emily also says she is done tattling on Courtney and is going to stay out of it. They kiss and Emily finally walks away without bashing Courtney (rats) or crying.

Emily then goes and apologizes to Courtney in front of everyone. And yes, you guessed it, she's a bitch about it. The worst part is Ben missed seeing what a bitch she is by about 10 seconds. Or did he perhaps hear a small part of it?

Because of that time, Lindzi gets the rose. Courtney (and me and everyone else) thought her and her beaded top was going to get the rose.

Courtney pouts and sulks. However, she goes back to her room to wait. On the date she gave him her room number and expects him to show up. He doesn't. She's disappointed and feels like she has always been taken for granted. At this point, I suppose we should feel sorry for her, but we don't.

Now the 2 on 1 date. Since Blakeley had already worn her Hooter's Train conductor onesie, she better find a new outfit for this date. She sticks with a onesie, not as bad as the conductor outfit. The date begins with dance lessons for the salsa. Blakeley knows how to shake her money maker. This might be bad. The dance goes "1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7". What the hell happened to 4?

Anyway, yes, you guessed it, Blakeley totally out dances poor Rachel. She basically shoves her boobs in Ben's face and slides up and down him like he is her personal stripper pole. It's uncomfortable for Rachel and for all of us.

Finally the torture is over and they go dinner. Blakeley is wearing an oversized shirt and that's it. Yep, she made it a dress. Rachel has on a cute black dress.

The dinner starts, and Rachel tells him she is nervous. Blakeley continues to try and shine by pointing out again, that she is nothing but sunshine and rainbows about this because she gets to see Ben. Hmm, starting to sound a tad stalkerish.

Rachel gets the first one on one time with Ben. She worries some more and they make out anyway. He tells her he is trying to decide. And then Blakeley helps Rachel out a ton.

Blakeley whines a bit about not getting a one on one. She has also brought along her scrapbook. "My time with Ben". Look, girls love that shit. Guys, not so much. Especially when the cover of it looks like my high school book cover that say "Kay + David".

Ben was very polite about it, but that little voice inside his head said "RUN". Too bad he doesn't hear it when he is talking to Courtney.

Ben then gives the rose to Rachel. Blakeley is shocked. The rest of us aren't. Blakeley immediately just gets up and walks away. He follows her out, and at this point, you know, she was just dumped and she doesn't have to take it gracefully.

He tells her that is just isn't there with them, but he thanks her for trying and he apologizes. It seems heartfelt.

Blakeley then cries and cries some more. Hey, what happened to the scrapbook? She puts him in a death hug and cries some more. He finally untangles himself and runs like hell. Just like that stray kitty the producers just showed.

Rachel gloats to the camera. Don't gloat too much, I predict that you go home next week.

As the girls are hanging out, Chris Harrison shows up and asks to talk to Kasey S. Uh oh, what is the deal. Another long story short - Chris accuses her of having a boyfriend. She says "nu-uh, we like broke up. like a long time ago, like really". She's a terrible liar and a terrible fake crier, or the ugliest crier ever. Chris makes her tell Ben, and Ben tells her to go home.

Courtney is sad she lost her only friend. Kasey continues to cry this terrible cry in the car on the way to the airport.

Cocktail party time. Ben opens with asking for honesty. The party begins with Nicki talking with Ben about her fast her feelings are growing. They dance and kiss.

Courtney to Rachel: I feel like I might be going home.
Rachel to Courtney: REALLY?
Courtney: Just kidding. I feel pretty confident.
Yeah, that's not a way to make friends after your only friend has left.

Jamie then decides it's time for her to break out the "sexual healing" that she can provide. She has a big surprise for him. And still doesn't shut up. She tells him to sit down, and tries to climb on his lap. That doesn't go well because of her tight cocktail dress. Next time, sit to the side instead of straddling him. She hikes it up there and kisses him anyway. She keeps talking. SHUT UP. She keeps trying to kiss him, and she ends up laughing. Look, some girls do sexy, and some don't. I tried the sexy route once in my early 20's. My jerk of an boyfriend at the time laughed at me. However, I realized, sexy is not me. A-dork-able, sure. So I will stick with that. My point here, Jamie, is go with what you know. Don't tell him how he should kiss you, and don't laugh. Good bye, Jamie. You are a nice girl, but see ya later. Instead of too little, too late. It's way too much, too late.

Rose ceremony time, and as predicted, Jamie goes home. She handled it gracefully and waits until she is walked out to have her melt down. Oh, Jamie, you are a pretty girl, you don't have to be Blakeley, just be yourself.

Ben tells the remaining 6 they are now going to Belize. Previews, Kacie and Nicki give him the Courtney 411. And Courtney may have shot herself in the foot by telling him again how all the women hate him. Hey, maybe he finally caught a clue!