Previously - Bentley is an ass, she likes Bentley, Bentley is an ass, Bentley is gone, she still likes Bentley. Got it? Good, someone get that girl some wine and tissue and let her cry it out. Speaking of crying... (or should I say dot, dot, dot)
Let's start with the tears. What makes Ashley cry? Well, a lot of things, but are going to talk about Bentley.
We begin with Chris Harrison visiting Ashley. He wants to slap her for being such an idiot about Bentley, but instead, he gently tells her that she needs to get her closure, and that he is here.
Ashley: Shut Up!
Me: Hey, that was Emily's line.
Chris Harrison tells her to talk to him, and to NAIL HIS ASS down on a commitment or ending it.You know he's just itching to show her the video of what a jack ass this guy is.
So off Ashley goes in her leggings, blousy men's night shirt and very high heels.
Ashley takes one look around the room and says "This is a really nice room". And with that, I felt like I could actually see the wheels spinning in her head. Hey, maybe she will catch on!
She and Bentley then have a very awkward conversation. He tries to tell her he was unsure, but then finally says, well, I guess we can change it from dot, dot, dot to a period. She drops an F bomb on him (should have slapped him too) and says, hey, you could have called me and said that. And with that statement, yes, the light bulb in her head finally came on - "oh, you just wanted a vaca?". And with that statement she realizes she owes Michelle Money an apology for not believing her. She also owes us an apology for having to listen to her drone on about that jack ass, but then again, I guess we choose to watch it. Good thing I have wine.
Feeling foolish, yet empowered, she heads back to her room to "forget all about Bentley".
Let's hope at this time, Chris Harrison has the production assistants pack up Bentley's ass and send him back home. No more free vacations for you! However, my guess is that snake brokered a deal where he gets to stay in that posh room for a few days. Someone warn the women of Hong Kong. No good could come of this.
Moving on now, Ashley is ready for her one on one date with Lucas. Ah, the tall Texan. He has never been to any big city - not even New York City! Hey, I remember the first time I went to New York City, yes, it was a tad overwhelming, and I felt like a hick, but really, it wasn't that big of deal.
They head out on yet another "Street Market" date. They have a good time, and then of course, end up on a boat. If you would like to see something more entertaining, youtube SNL's parody "I'm on a boat". Despite "forgetting about Bentley" she drops a few more Bentleys in her interview portion.
Dinner proceeds, and Lucas talks about his divorce being painful, and now moving on because this is just too boring. She is eating all of this up, and gives him the rose, and they make out.
Now, enter the Dragon. It's group date time. 6 of the men (Blake, Ryan, Constantine, Ben, Ames and Mickey) are on this date and they meet her on the beach.
She has 3 really, really big canoes. Or, as they like to call them, Dragon Boats. Today's adventure, the guys are paired up, and have to go find people willing to help them in their dragon boat race.
Blake is with Ryan. Oh, the irony. Well, more like the producers giggling amongst themselves for that set up. The other two are Ames and Mickey and Ben and Constantine.
Each pair heads out into the city. The have issues with the language barrier, but for the most part, stay persistent and do okay. Well, except Ben and Constantine, more about that in a minute.
For once, Blake is happy to let Ryan do all the talking, and he rounds up some people. Ames and Mickey hit pay dirt and find an actual dragon boat rower and he calls his pals. At this point, Ben and Constantine have given up and decide to go out in style and buy red dragon kimonos. Apparently parading around in a red dragon kimono in Hong Kong instantly gets you a group of followers. Ames is hoping that he can borrow the kimono when all is said and done.
So the race begins and Ashley sits at the front of one of the boats, banging a drum and screeching "faster". Someone please do us a favor and knock her off the perch with a paddle.
Ames and Mickey end up winning, they hang out on the beach. And right next to them, a couple gets engaged. Ashley points out that could be one of them soon.
Ashley: Who's next?
Crickets: Chirp, chirp.
Now it's the cocktail, hip, lounge party time. She and Ames take the elevator to the top of the building. Where he kisses her. She is surprised, just like the rest of us. Maybe he just didn't want her to talk. The get off on the 48th floor and check out the view. Arg, we can't go 5 minutes without Bentley - where she says she regrets wasting so much time with Bentley.
Back at the hotel - JP's date care arrives. Let's hope she doesn't ruin this date like the last one where she was whining over Bentley. dot, dot, dot
Back on the group date, it's now Ben's turn to make out with her. I'm not digging his 1980's yellow sweater. He's falling in love. He might be a good match for her.
Blake bitches about Ryan again. Then Ben joins in. Ryan is sporting a bit of scruff. Is it me, or does he look like a hetero George Michael? Anyway, more of the guys bitch about Ryan, and we all know where this leads. He gets the rose.
Constantine: Some people like cheese.
Me: ME! ME! ME! Oh, not that kind of cheese. Carry on.
Time for JP's one on one. Please, for the love of God, I hope they do NOT talk about Bentley. However, that is just not to be. They have dinner in some Chinese zodiac garden. Is that sake? Sake bombs! Oh, again, that's me. Carry on.
They talk about past relationships and other mushy stuff. She then tells him that Bentley had been there. For some reason, she is very nervous about it. Which I find stupid, but whatever. He takes it in stride. She assures him that she got the closure she needed. Man, is she really going to feel dumb when she sees all the things that Bentley said about her. She and JP kiss, and of course she gives him the rose. And finally she doesn't do the "I might not give it to you" thing. They make out more while my friend Kai seethes with jealousy as JP is her man! They ride a train, go on a roof top and make out more.
Now, the fun stuff begins. She shows up in a really, really cute silver dress. Holy crap! How did she get those A cup boobs to look like that? Oh yeah, those sticky cups from Victoria's Secret. Er, not that I would know anything about that.
Anyway, she livens up the party by dropping the Bentley bomb. She tells them she got the closure she needed, and that she was glad it is done. And it goes over like the proverbial lead balloon. Constantine talks smack, then Lucas jumps in, and then Blake jumps in and gives her the ass-chewing she deserves. She takes a break and cries. The guys bitch. JP and Ryan handle it well, sort of.
Ryan: I handled it well, my blood pressure didn't even move.
Me: Is that what the big breath and face was for when she announced it?
Ames also takes it well, and talks about fairy tales with her. Speaking of fairies, oh forget it, I have beat that one to death.
Then Blake takes her aside to bitch at her some more. He bitches about the group dates and how they might not be in sync. Hey, are you writing your ticket home or what? Then she cries and Blake feels bad and has a change of heart.
Then Mickey tells her she lied to them. And he has serious questions, blah, blah, and what did you see in Bentley. He then tells her if she liked Bentley, that she should send him home. She tells him to take the initiative and leave. In other words, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. She puts him on a slow boat out of China. The rest of the guys will miss their buddy. Mickey, come to my house, I'll make you happy. Oh, did I say that out loud?
She cries again and finally Chris Harrison drags her away so she can figure out which one guy is going home.
She thinks and the guys continue to bitch. JP drops the bomb that he already knew. And they whine some more while she cries to Chris Harrison.
Finally, it's rose ceremony time. Since Mickey already left, only one goes home. Yep, it's Blake. Bet he regrets chewing her out now! He handles it well and wishes her luck. And he goes back to bitching about Bentley. Ugh, I am so sick of that guy! Aw, Blake says all he wants is a friend. That joke is too easy. Make your own.
Ashley tells the remaining guys that they are going to Taiwan. Cheers.
Coming up - more kissing, dates, and of course, drama. Someone else leaves and comes back again. And her heart is totally broken.
The out take - Ashley and Ben show each other how they talk to their dogs. Ben sounds like a Star Wars character. She has a high pitched one, it shatters glass.
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