We begin with a recap of last week. Summary. Douchebag Bentley has left. And she's a moron.
Previews of this week - on to Thailand. She still thinks of Bentley, but I think she'll get over it, and everyone hates Ryan.
The show begins, and Chris Harrison visits the man mansion.
Chris Harrison - I hope everyone here is very serious about this.
Translation - Any more jack asses like Bentley???
He announces there are 2 one on one dates and 1 group date. But before they get the date cards, they are going to THAILAND. They all scream like girls. Well, not that girly. But, still.
They have 2 hours to pack. They are dudes, if they can't pack in 2 hours, well, you don't need, nor probably want a girlfriend.
On to Thailand, where Ashley and her A-cup boobs have on a cute white bathing suit.
I was going to drink every time she said Bentley, but I decided I spend enough money on wine as it is.
Ames talks to the camera, and at this point, I decide either he has a Frankenstein head, or he is a member of the Hair Club for Men.
Anyway, back in Phuket. (And we all know how we really want to pronounce it, but we aren't 7th graders).
Ashley: Blah, Blah, Blah, love, Bentley, sad, other boys, blah, blah, blah.
Me: Send me Mickey or JP when you are done.
First one on one date - Constantine.... And now I have that stupid Constantinople song in my head.
Nick tells us he's fun, and he hopes it rains. I believe that is foreshadowing.
And it is. They are going out on a fancy boat (probably a catamaran, but I'm not that sophisticated). And as predicted, it rains.
On to Plan B. They go shopping in the local market. He says Phuket is mysterious, and so is she.. Uh, no, actually, she's not.
Anyway, they shop, then decide to talk to a local. It's an older guy, who doesn't speak English, but they find a girl who does and she translates. He gives love advice, because he's been married for 37 years. Okay, I'll listen. Don't compete to see who is right. Great. Got it. Tell that to the guys that are there.
Ashley - I don't want someone who is just competing to get to the next level.
Me - Boy is she going to be pissed when she sees the footage of Bentley deciding to leave since he didn't get the group date rose.
Time for the group date card. Let's just say who is not going - Frankenstein. I mean, Ames.
Back to the Constantinople, I mean date with Constantine, and yep, you guessed it, summary time.
Ugh, she thinks and talks about Bentley. But she has fun with Constantine, they have dinner and talk. He blabbers on about past relationships, and I wonder if his ex-girlfriends are watching and have a WTF reaction. And he gets a rose. They also had blue drinks. At this point, I'm more interested in wondering what is in the blue drinks than the two of them and their epiphanies about relationships.
Time for the group date. The guys and Ashley are working at a local orphanage. They all think she's wonderful for setting it up. Yep, she did it all on her own. That's my only joke, as I can't make fun of volunteer work.
Oh, wait. Now I can pick on Ryan. He has decided he is in charge. And won't shut up. Tells all the guys what to do, and just generally annoys everyone.
Ben F. makes a mural for the kids. He says he can't paint, but it way better than what I could do. I paint about as well as I swim.
The kids see all the work that has been done. And it is quite the beautiful moment. And then they get bikes and other toys. Now I feel really small. I'll take a moment and say I know I live a blessed and wonderful life. Sniff.
Back to being snarky - now it's time for the dinner portion of the date. Time for the guys to fight for one on one time. Ben F. is currently the front runner for the date rose. She brings up the "hard time" last week. I'd like to slap her. Bentley is such a waste of time. If she can't feel for Ben F, well, she is more of an idiot than we thought.
Now the boys act like girls, and the "I hate Ryan" portion begins. Of course he gets his one on one time and they talk about mushy BS. She's beautiful and they have a connection.
The boys continue to act like girls and gossip about Ryan. Dudes. Shut up.
JP then gets his turn to chat her up, and again, another dude way better than Douchebag Bentley. They make out. She says he is the best kisser. Then he picks her up, well, it takes him a few tries. He carries her back to the date area and the rest of the guys exude jealousy.
Ames gets his date card, they are going somewhere in the rain. Again, I am distracted by his big head, or his hair club for men membership.
Back at the group date, and Ashley finally gives out the rose. But wait. She is stopped by Ryan who says he needs a couple of minutes with her. He blabbers about wanting to talk to her more. Not sure where he was going with that. And the rose goes to - Ben F. The riot police sit back down and Ryan pouts. And now they all go swimming. And it just seems weird.
Now it's time for the date with Ames. He goes running to her, I notice he doesn't have on shoes. Not even flip flops. Hey, for once the first time, I didn't notice his big head first. Off to a boat they go. Overachiever Ames has previously been to Thailand, once to climb mountains, and then to attend a cooking school. Oh, and the cooking school was last minute. Oh, he is spontaneous! Whatever. They get off their yacht and canoe about the islands. Wow. It is very beautiful. Oh, wait. Ames has corrected me, it's sea kayaking. Whatever.
Ames: Navigating these caves is just like a relationship, you never know what you will find, but it might be beautiful.
Me: Or it could be your worst nightmare. I'm just saying.
The rest of the date is a snoozefest. They have champagne, and at this point, I could drink the entire bottle. Ugh. boring!
Now it's time for the usual dinner portion of the date. She talks about dumb ass Bentley again. But she is ready to look at the other guys now. Yep, he gets the rose, and I get another glass of wine. Oh, and she does her thing where she acts like she's not going to give him the rose and then does. Okay, I'm so over that trick.
Finally, it's time for the cocktail party. Last week the guys got jipped out of their freeze booze by that Douchebag Bentley.
One on one time starts, and she starts with questioning West about his wife dying. I think he's going to be going back home.
Then Lucas gets his turn. He is divorced. And cute. And a tall, Texan, drink of water. I don't see the chemistry between them. Lucas, you can do better. Like, with me!
Ryan then talks to her, and the boys bitch about him again. And bitch some more. Ryan, the new Vienna.
Blake decides to tell Ryan that he's getting on every one's nerves. Ryan is shocked, or at least pretends to be. So Ryan says he is just happy a lot. And that's too bad.
Blake really hates him, and I really like Ashley's dress. She definitely has a better stylist than Allie did.
Ryan tells Ashley that he just had this conversation with Blake. And he insists it is just how he is. She loves his positive energy and he'll be staying.
She talks to Chris Harrison about Bentley and his "dot, dot, dot" and I really wonder when in the hell they are going to show her the freaking footage of what a jerk he is.
Rose ceremony time. Let me make this easy on myself - only West goes home. After she requests an extra rose to keep an extra guy. Wouldn't it just have been easier to take West aside, say she wasn't feeling it and let him be on his way?
Guess that wouldn't have taken as long as the rose ceremony with the rain coming down in the background. But whatever.
Previews for next week - they are going to stay in Thailand and go to Chin-mai. I have no idea how to spell that and am way to lazy to look it up. Next week is perfect. Until the boys have to fight. And everything goes wrong. And she talks about that jack ass again. Oh, and guess who comes back. Perfection is gone. Unless you plan on drinking when she cries over Bentley. Then you better stock up! What the hell could he possibly says this time for her to understand that he's "just not that into her"?
Oh, and Nick can do push ups while she sits on him. Yeah, he has muscles. Nice ones.
No comments:
Post a Comment