Previews - dancing, singing, roasting, crying, unmasking and douchebaggery-ing. Yeah, I made that last word up, but you know exactly what I mean.
We begin at the Dude Ranch when Chris Harrison shows up in a jacket I would like for working out (in the winter, not now) and explains the dates. 2 one on ones and 1 group date. We know the rules, moving on.
First date goes to Ben C. The masked man keeps talking about taking off the mask. At this point, we are all over it.
Ashley shows up in a Jennifer Beal top and says "Remember, you told me to tell you next time I was going dancing", which she follows up with:
"You are going to be so surprised"
And at this point, I assume he will only be surprised if they do something like, oh, say, playing chess, because I am sure this date includes dancing.
Off they go, and well, they don't play chess, they go to a dance studio. Let's all gasp in surprise.
It's not the Thriller dance like we did at my sister's wedding, but I'm sure it's almost as much fun. (sarcasm, 'cause we all know I was the best dancing, drill instructor ever)
So they learn a dance and then go on a picnic. At the picnic, she gets him to do their dance and another surprise (sarcasm) it's a Flash Dance! Well, that explains the Jennifer Beal top.
Then a band performs, and if I were hip and cool, I would know who they are. But, alas, I am neither, and I have no idea who they are. Time to move on.
They go to dinner. Ben tell her the very romantic side of marriage and he gets a rose. Side note for Ben: Look, I know there are times people adore each other, that's the easy part. Tell me how we are going to get through the rough times and I'll listen. Dancing, dinner and wine is easy. Paying bills, cleaning up and taking care of kids, well, that is just a little harder.
Anyhow - Group date time. The rest of the guys, but JP (he gets the other one on one)
Before they leave - Batman decides to remove the mask. It is very anti-climatic. One, he waited too long. Two - She notices how old he is. (which to me is ironic because Brad was 38)
He talks way too much, and finally takes the damn thing off. It's not that he's not decent looking, it's that he's, well, boring. He was more fun with the mask.
Group date time - They pile into a limo - and they all worry it's off to stand up comedy. And it is. Sort of. Time for a roast. Oh, this is going to go well. Not. They can make fun of Ashley, or each other, or both. Oh, and in front of an audience. Again, not going to go well.
William is all kinds of excited. Time for him to show his talent and how funny he is. Apparently he's a comedian in training. The other guys worry about hurting her feelings. He starts acting like a jerk. I thought he was nice, but we'll see.
Time for the roasting to start. They have Ashley and a live audience.
Most of the guys make fun of each other. Ryan even says "What was Ashley thinking during that last rose ceremony, picking Bentley?" Which at this point, cue the proverbial crickets there - but at home, we all agree with Ryan.
Blake the dentist was actually amusing. Then the masked guy makes fun of her small boobs. Then Nick does. Bentley goes, I tune him out, and she does her "Oh, Bentley" thing.
Then William goes. And he puts the rump in roast. He does the whole, I thought it would be Emily or Chantal. Which goes over like the proverbial lead balloon.
Ashley then runs off to hide and cry, and Bentley comforts her. Never mind that he has said all that to the camera and she'll see it in a few weeks.
So Bentley attemps to comfort her, and she tells him she was scared everyone would be disappointed it was her and not Emily. Oh, the irony. Bentley still does the shifty eyed BS thing and we all feel sorry for her and want to slap her for being dumb.
Bentley: Out of 25 guys, at least 24 were really excited it was you.
Me: Step out of the way ladies, I'm about to kick this guy in the nuts.
Time to move to the group date dinner party. And the rest of the date, pretty much sucks. She is insecure, because she's not Emily. Hell, girl. No one is. There is always going to be someone prettier than you. Suck it up. So the rest of the night is a bit of a downer. William takes her aside and apologizes. It doesn't go well either. William offers to pack his sh*t and leave, but she tells him not to. He then tells her to go talk to the other guys. And William does the "I'm walking home" thing. On his side, I'll say he seems genuinely upset.
The group date moves on, and Ashley continues to feel sorry for herself. Well, here comes Ryan to the rescue! He tells her how he wanted her there, and how he just wants to spend more time with her. She rewards him with a make out session. Bentley then moves in, because he is in it for the competition.
Ashley tells him that Crazy Michelle warned him about her and that he wasn't here for the proverbial "right reasons". She lays it out, and he lies, lies, and lies some more.
Back in the group, Bentley thinks he has the rose, and it then goes to Ryan! Ah, it's the little victories in life. Just get the F out, douchebag.
Bentley pouts, and plans on packing.
Now it's time for the last one on one date. She's wearing her Ellie May shirt again. She waxes poetic about how wonderful Bentley is. The rest of us want to slap her, as JP is coming over for his one on one date.
Bentley packs up, and tells Jeff - the former masked guy - that he's leaving. And then he tells the camera he isn't leaving for his daughter - but that's the BS he tells the guys and that's what he'll tell Ashley. The guys tell him he's a good guy. Oh, the fun for the Men Tell All. Bentley is so proud that he played everyone. Yeah, is your mom watching this? She can't be proud of that crap. Seriously.
Let me summarize here, because this guy is just a total douchy, douchy, douchebag.
He lies, she cries.
He's crass, and an ass.
He leaves, she grieves.
Now, bring on JP for the one on one date. Their date is a stay at home dinner date. She's still sad over that loser who left. But she manages to get it together, and they have a nice dinner, and snuggle up in front of the fire. She should pick him. Or let him go and send him to my house. He gets the rose, and Ashley has some kind of sense and says JP is a better kisser than Bentley.
Time for the cocktail party, and she's 2 hours late. The natives get restless and she shows up in a cute, cute silver dress. She has way better taste in clothes than Allie did. Anyway, she moons over that dumb ass some more and tells Chris they will just go straight to the rose ceremony.
We all beg Chris to tell her the truth about Bentley, he dances all around it, and she just does not catch the hints.
Rose ceremony, she chooses (Ben C, Ryan and JP have roses) - Constantine (who?), West (wife died), Mickey (cute), Ben F (wine guy), Blake (fellow dentist), Nick (trainer/line dancer), Ames (is it just me, or does his outfit remind you of the boy scouts), Lucas (tall Texan), and William (very bad joke guy)
Going home, some guy named Chris, and Jeff, the former masked guy.
Coming up - the other guys hate Ryan.
And once again the outtake clip is the masked guy on the toilet while Bentley fixes his hair. I'm glad they are both gone!
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