I think the title is self-explanatory - "Amazing" is this year's "Awesome". And Ashley is a tad on the boring side. Bring back Allie and her kicking some Rated-R Ass! I never thought I would say that!
The show opens with the preview - we are going to Vegas, a wedding chapel, dancing, the masked guy and douchebag Bentley.
Chris Harrison comes in and explains the one on one date, group date, blah blah, we all know the rules. Pack your bags, group date rose, just don't get drink every time she says "Amazing" you should be good.
William gets the first one on one date to Vegas. Masked man and Ben F. are bummed, and William hopes he doesn't blow it (spoiler alert - he doesn't seem to on this, one, but oh, boy, on the previews for next week) But back to this week.
Ashley drives over to the man mansion in a really cool car. I'm sure all the guys know what it is, but I am not a car person. Unless we are talking about can I drive a stick and what color it is. Insert you own dirty joke here about driving a stick.
Ashley is confident - oh, but then she's not. What if she picks someone who doesn't really like her? Oh, the foreshadowing AND the irony....
Ashley arrives in an itty-bitty white dress and leather jacket. Nice outfit, but if she doesn't stop bouncing around like Tenley, I might have to slap her.
Off to the private plane that whisks them to Vegas.
Back at the dude ranch - Masked Man talks to Gay Ames. Of course, they discuss the mask again. He's going to take it off soon. Real soon. And reveal himself. Hey, I wonder if when he takes off the mask he is REALLY Batman. Talk about ironic! Anyway - I wonder why he also has on a skull cap, because isn't it hot - and Ames points out it's 90 degrees and wouldn't he be more comfortable in a white mask. Masked man agrees and wishes he had one. I think at this point, there cannot be a more stupid conversation, but I would be wrong as Bentley talks about swimming in pee, and I tell my dogs I hope he drowns in pee.
William and Ashley arrive in Vegas. There is a lot of "I'm just a girl" shrugging and clapping. I'm sure Tenley is around here somewhere.
Now one of the worst first dates ever begins. They both later claim it's the best first date ever, but really? What guy wants to talk about getting married on the first date? And crazy guys don't count. Ashley hams it up for cakes, rings and then in the chapel. William can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. She laughs some more and it annoys me. He is sure it's a joke and they get to the ceremony and he starts to get a bit nervous, I'm hoping he runs out of the door at this point, but he calls her bluff and says "I do". She laughs some more and I pour another glass of sauvingon blanc. They don't get married, but pretend they do.
The date continues, and Ashley's changes into a green 80's dress. Gorgeous color, I'm not too much on the top. Anyway, they row out to the middle of the fountains at the Bellagio for dinner. Everyone is watching from the strip, and there is more adoration from Ashley's fans.
William tells her his "my dad was an alcoholic and then was left on the side of the road beaten and he then died". I can't make fun of this one. Long story short - his watch stopped the time that he passed away and he keeps his watch on that time.
Back at the dude ranch - the next date card arrives, it's the group date. 12 guys are included, it's just easier to tell you who gets left out. Masked man, JP, Ben C, Mickey and Ryan and some other random guy.
Back at the middle of the fountains in Bellagio, Ashley gives him the "you're so fun speech" and then moves to "but, I need someone serious" and then moves to "that's you". I think that's going to be her thing, pretend she's going to say no, and then doesn't. The fountains go off, and she channels her inner Tenley and squeals and claps. Someone please give me some more wine.
Previews of the group date, Ben F says he's not going home, and Ashley begs Douchebag Bentley to stick around. Sigh.
12 guys load up their testosterone and fly to Vegas. Ashley greets them in her Ellie May shirt. Really, all she needed was the braided pig tails. The guys seem to dig it, so what do I know?
Ashley tells us today she is going test their ability to move. Oh great, dancing. All we need now is Tenley. The enter the Jaber-wocky show. She sneaks off and and joins them stage so she can dance too! Wow, I didn't see that coming. (sarcasm)
The guys are divided into 2 "crews" and have to make their own routine. Losers leave, Winners stay and perform with these Jabber-wocky dudes. This is going to be bad, as it looks like most of them have about as much rhythm as I do. One group does a rose ceremony, one does a wedding and the bride is late. The Best Men (wedding) goes first, with No Rhythm Nation (rose ceremony) talks smack. The No Rhythm Nation wins, and of course Douchebag Bentley is in the winning group. 6 guys go home, and 6 guys get to stay and dance in the show and get to have a group date with Ashley. 6 dejected guys hit a limo go to go home, and the dance troupe attempt to teach the other guys how to dance. Man, the 6 guys that go home are really whiners! Hit the bar and man up, boys.
Back to the show, and we have to hear that same song for about the 5th time. I have no idea what the song is, and frankly, don't care. I am just not into dancing, or techno pop, or rap. West is thrilled and Bentley thinks he is cool. Tenley has to be watching this and wonder why SHE didn't get her chance to dance on stage and had to settle for the "dance from her heart". Back to this show, all the guys are very impressed with Ashley. Well, all of them but that jerk-off Bentley.
So the after party begins - I assume it's on a roof. It wouldn't be the show if it wasn't. Ashley says she wants to have all one of one time, and Blake the dentist pulls her away first.
He is still boring.
West then gets his turn, tells his wife died story. Can't make fun of that either. Well, except just make sure this guy's last name isn't Peterson. (See Scott and Drew Peterson) Other than that, you should be good.
Now it's time for Bentley and his pie-hole. He is in it for the competition. Not so much for her. He does the shifty-eyed thing again. She does the clueless thing again. Then she does the pathetic thing and begs him to stay. Bentley trusts her, and she trusts him, and I have no idea why. Let me get to the point, she gives Bentley the rose, because OMG, she gave him the last rose at the first rose ceremony, and he is giving up "sooo much". Because his daughter is at home. Ah, Crazy Michelle is in Salt Lake, I'm sure she can look in on the kid.
Bentley tells the camera he wants to "bag it and go play black jack". I still can't figure out what she sees in this guy. I have to wonder, had she not been warned, would she have picked him? I have to wonder if she's thinking she is going to prove Crazy Michelle wrong and make him fall in love with her, or she is subconsciously sabotaging herself. Either way, just plain dumb.
Heads or tails. Flip a coin, pick a man. Oh, if it were only that easy for the rest of us. The coin is flipped and it will either be Mickey or JP. Luck is with Mickey and he wins the Vegas date with Ashley. JP is crushed, and Masked Man whines about not getting a date.
Ashley makes another Vegas-gamble reference, and that has now gotten about as old as Jake and his Leap of Faith.
Ashley and Mickey enter my idea of heaven. It's the biggest wine store I have ever seen. She even gets to ride a swing to go get the wine. Someone please take me there. And now, because I need more wine, this head or tails crap has gotten old. Ashley dishes another "amazing" and I tell the dogs to get me more wine.
Ashley admits the last time she cried was when the other girls complained about her. Yeah, I'm crying now, but because those damn dogs of mine drank the wine.
Back to the dude ranch - more guys bitching about mask guy, more shots of the mask guy and his stupid mask and stupid beanie in 90 degree weather. Masked guy says it's all about personality - hmm, there is a flaw in that when you already know what SHE looks like.
Back to the coin flipping in Vegas. Mickey and Ashley go to dinner, and surprise! (sarcasm) Ashley says "He looks AMAZING". Mickey drops an amazing on the view, and they are in a penthouse having dinner. Summary time - they eat, drink and flip a coin to see if he gets the rose. He gets it and she admits she would have given it to him anyway. Then Colbie Calliet performs a private concert for them. Yep, AMAZING. And just my observation from their dancing - either she is quite short, or he is really tall. Neither here nor there, but my observation all the same.
Now, time for the cocktail party and the rose ceremony. Dark blue suits seem to be the majority. Another random observation.
Ashley arrives in a really cute black evening gown. I will have to say, at least her taste in dresses is better than Allie's.
JP does the first "I need a minute". He's cute, and sane. He'll be around a little longer.
William gives them an imitation of some football coach. No idea of who it was. William has a rose, and they are annoyed.
Nick shows her he can line dance. You know she's a dancer, right?
William then really pissed them off by interrupting, when he already has a rose. All the guys are pissed, and Nick nicknames William "Ding Dong".
William lies through his teeth and tells her it's the most romantic date ever. He was a front runner, but he's starting to show a little of the crazy, and I predict this is the start of his downfall.
Here comes Masked guy - summary time - He is going to reveal himself. He tells her that he was married, and during that time, he almost died after a brain hemorrhage at 29. He is now divorced -but now very happy. Says his ex-wife was untruthful. And he says he is going to take off the mask. BUT WAIT. There is Matt. He needs his turn. You know, the producers totally shoved his ass out there. They want that mask around another week.
Ben C. gets his turn. He is charming, I'm sure, but I'm going with more wine trying to ignore this whole thing. William then tells Bentley and the hair dresser about his fabulous date. We find out that Bentley would rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with her. I have been really drunk before (like Tim was last week) but would never pick swimming in pee as what I would rather do. This guy is a complete douchebag. However, despite the fact that he would rather swim in pee, he gets all competitive and goes and makes his fake moves on Ashley. Bentley says the sky is the limit on his kisses. Kind of like the dumb fireworks thing Crazy Michelle does.
Bentley carries her to another room and says they won't talk, and they kiss. He then tells the camera it was great and then sucked. Someone, please cockpunch him. He even says, hey, I wish it were Emily. Ashley is concerned, I would call it completely clueless. Especially when she says she has a good radar that he's sincere and honest. If they put this douchebag on Bachelor Pad, I will not be amused. Not only is he a douchebag - talk about no personality! Well, I digress. I guess douchebag personality counts.
Chris Harrison finally comes out of his trailer and puts us out of our misery and calls for the rose ceremony. Ashley expels another Amazing. And I'm not amazed or amused.
William, Mickey and Douchebag Bentley have roses. She gives roses to the following:
West - wife died, opposite of East.
Constantine - Not the American Idol dude, and not very cute.
Ryan P - Hey! I bet he recycles and he's cute.
Ben C - New Orleans/French guy.
Nick - personal trainer/line dancing dude.
Ames/Weatherman
Lucas - All I know is that he is from Texas.
Jeff - Masked man
JP - Best of the bunch
Chris - Who?
Ben F - Winemaker...
Blake - fellow dentist.
Going home are Matt (he calls his mom, big surprise). Steven (he has a hair dryer ready to dry his tears), and some guy named Ryan.
Previews of next week - music, dancing, people cheering, then William making the worst joke ever, and Bentley being a douchebag, and Ashley crying. And Bentley is proud of himself for being first guy who fooled everyone. Yeah, like none of the gay guys did that. Jerk off.
Oh, and Masked Man vacuums. And we have to see him on the toilet again. Really?
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