After the review of last week (she misses Bentley) we start the show. The guys are being bused to Ching Mai. Still probably not spelling it right, but I don't care. Ames shows off his "Harvard/Columbia/Princeton I'm smarter than everyone else education" and give us the low down on the monks, the history and the beauty of the city. It's romantic, or at least it was the last time he and his boyfriend visited.
The guys arrive at their humble abode. And by humble abode, I mean a rocking, unbelievable, resort, private, gorgeous villa. I seethe with jealously. Why can't I be one of the beautiful people? Anyway, the guys are in awe, and now here comes Ashley.
Our lovely bachelorette is strolling through yet another scenic area of Thailand. In heels that would have made Ru Paul proud. They would have made me break my ankle, but that's not what this is about. This is about Ashley opening up, moving forward, and forgetting about Bentley. Except she doesn't.
Back to the fellas - Chris Harrison arrives to give the 411. A one one one date, a group date and the always fun, two on one date. First date card is the one on one date and it goes to our winemaker, Ben F. He's excited. I drink more wine, and wishes he would send me a case from his winery. He tells us he's going to kiss her. Foreshadowing - don't visit a temple for that.
Ames talks about how hard this is, and drops a "pro-cess". Oh, snap, the boy ain't gay, just Canadian. Carry on.
The date with Ben F. is another "toodle through a Thailand town". Well, that's not what the card said, but I'm a big fan of alliteration.
Ashley: I want to see if Ben F. can handle real life.
Me: Shopping and sightseeing in Thailand is real life? Tell the man he has to mow the yard, stop and ask for directions and still ain't getting any tonight and then we'll talk about real life.
So toodle they do, and end their toodling in front of a temple. Ashley asks Ben F. if he wants to kiss her, but then quickly tells him he can't. Not for the same reason as that ding bat Elizabeth from Jake's season did, but because of the sacredness of the temple. So she says they should close their eyes and have a pretend kiss. What, are you 7th graders? Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult 7th graders.
So the toodle portion of the date FINALLY ends, and they finally get to dinner. Ben is awe of the dinner set up, which is amazing (and if you watched the show you know, so I won't describe it) but again, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE SET IT UP HERSELF. Ben tells her his story of his dad dying, and his dating history. She looks bored. I know I am.
Back at the gorgeous villa, the date card arrives for the group date and the names are announced, and the genius of the bunch - William quickly deduces it's him and Ben C. on the 2 on 1 date. William immediately starts talking smack and I wonder why the guys hate Ryan more than him, but whatever. William then gets out his joke book in case they have another chance at comedy. Note to William, remember how badly that went the last time.
Now time to end the Ben F. and Ashley snore fest. They talk about the mushy stuff they want out of life, she gives him a rose, a band and dancing girls show up. Yeah, that's normal. Then they finally kiss, surrounded by dancing girls, flames and music. Seems awkward if you ask me.
Now, back to the group date the REST of the guys are going on. The hint is "Love is worth fighting for". Well, at this point, I am not very excited, as I'm just not a big fighting fan, but I'll go along for the ride. I just better get a good shot of a half naked Nick and his muscles.
They show up for Muay-Thai fight training, while Ashley sports her best aerobics instructor outfit. Doing aerobics would probably work out better for Ames, but, it is not to be.
Ashley: This is my chance to really see masculinity in these guys.
Me: Don't like at Ames. And that is a major summary and foreshadowing at the same time.
So the Muay-Thai boxing training begins and my patience pays off. There is Nick (his muscles), and the rest of the guys, all hot and sweaty and getting their asses handed to them like the contestants on the first day of the Biggest Loser. The training session ends, and the guys are thinking, great, now I can shower up and grab a cold one and hit on this chick. And by cold one, I mean, beer, except for Ames, who surely wants Chardonnay.
Alas, boys, this is not the plan. Now it's time for you to take your one day of training, put on some gear, get in the ring and beat the snot out of each other. What kind of release DID they sign? Oh, and Ames gets stuck with the pink shorts and pink gloves for the fights. Make your own joke, just too easy.
So Ashley is having fun watching and the beat downs begin. First, we get a surprise when Blake schools Lucas. We all thought the Texan would win. Then Mickey gets his ass kicked by JP. And then it's Ames and Ryan. We already saw during the training, that Ames wasn't very good about keeping his hands ups. You would have a better chance of getting this guy to keep his hands up if he was doing the YMCA. So Ryan knocks him about a bit, and the fight is mercifully called. And at this point, Ashley wonders if this was such a good idea. She might not think so, but the producers are thrilled.
Ames takes his seat to watch the rest of the fights. Except he doesn't see a thing, unless you count those little cartoon birdies that are circling his head. Ashley uses her medical training to deduce that Ames isn't feeling so well. She fetches the real doctor on staff and Ames and his pink shorts are carted away to the hospital. I'm sure Ames has no idea where he is going at this point.
Whiles Ames is carted off, Constantine beats up my boy, Nick.
Now it's time for the dinner date portion. Ames is still at the hospital, and Ashley has her first fashion miss. It was a 1980 meets J. Lo/black mini dress/swimsuit cover up.
Ashley tells Ryan he did awesome, he says he wouldn't classify himself as awesome. My guess is probably awesomer.
She notices the bruises on his face. I'm not sure if she is shocked that he had bruises because of the fighting in general, or because he was the one who fought Ames.
Everyone misses Ames. But finally, Ames shows up! He is happy to be back, even though he still has no idea where he is. And he has a concussion, but give that boy some champagne, that'll cure it!
Back at the villa, the date card for the Ben C. and William show down arrives. Is it just me, or is William hammered? He comes up with the "who is, blah, blah, with 2 thumbs? This guy!" joke. Sigh.
Back to the post-concussion party, Ames is still out of it, and now it's time for the guys to start jockeying for one on one time. Blake takes her aside and tells her love is a marathon and immediate relationships concern him. Which immediately makes Ashley think of, barf, Bentley.
Lucas now chats her up. He tells her he is a golfer. Which just thrills her. Yeah, like there aren't a lot of guys who play golf. She asks him how to pretend to golf. First pretend kissing, now pretend golfing. Lucas finds her adorable. And I just don't get it, but I'm not a dude. Anyway, he tells her he could tell Bentley was her type. STOP, STOP, STOP. You are ruining it.
She finally gives out the group date rose, and it goes to Blake. They kiss and he plans their dental practice.
She closes out the date with a group "cheers" to Ames.
Ashley: To Ames!
Ames: Who is Ames?
Seriously, they released him from the hospital?
Time for the 2 on 1 date. This was pretty boring too, so it's summary time.
William: I don't mean to throw anyone under the bus, but Ben C has dating plans back home.
Ben C.: Hey, what just ran over me?
Ashley - Sorry, go home Ben.
Me: Why didn't she say that to Bentley?
Back to the date, William continues to act like a child. She sends him home too. Oh, and is just me, or does her dress look like she belongs in an 80's Whitesnake video?
William heads back home, and from his "don't let the door hit your ass on the way out" interview, someone sign that boy up for counseling.
Williams sh*t gets picked up, and the rest of the guys do the happy dance. Well, mostly Ryan.
Now it's time for the cocktail party. She gives them the "I don't care that Bentley is gone" BS and I don't believe it, and neither do most of them, but they pretend anyway.
Ryan does his schmoozing. Constantine talks to her, and his shirts reminds me of lime sherbet. Constantine is honest that he hasn't been with her enough to know if he is ready to get married. She seems impressed by that. And then bored at the same time. I would say I have no idea what is going on with her, but then I know, it's that jack ass Bentley again.
Ashley: I need closure w/Bentley.
Me: Someone show her the footage of him being a jerk and slam the f'n door shut!
She whines to Chris Harrison again about Bentley. I want to slap her, and so do all of you. So does Chris Harrison, especially when she keeps saying it was "real" with Bentley.
Chris: How do we put this to rest?
Me: SHOW HER THE F'N FOOTAGE.
Ashley talks about that stupid "dot, dot, dot". Again.
Finally, it's the rose ceremony. She keeps: (Blake has one already) Constantine, Lucas, JP, Ames, Mickey and Ryan. Nick and his muscles go home. Hey, you can come do push ups for me anytime!
Now, it's toast time and the news is we are going to Hong Kong!
Next week - The douchebag comes back. Hopefully she finds out what an f'n jerk he is. But the guys aren't thrilled when she tells them he is back. Sounds like there might be a mutiny on the bounty!
Funny outtake - William acts like they are trapped in the compound (a la Blair Witch Project Video), and Ben C plays the same song, over and over on the piano. Mildly amusing.
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