So who is ready for the drama? I sure am. I have my baked white wine chicken stuffed with Italian turkey sausage, champignon cheese and a glass of chardonnay. Let's get this party started! Oh, and the show too.
We begin with Chris Harrison entering the girls dorm, I mean mansion to tell them, pack your bags, it's VEGAS, baby! Dentist Ashley is wearing a flashdance sweatshirt. He tells them there is a group date, one on one date, and two on one date. So pack your sh*t and move it. You've got an hour. There is a lot of woo-hoos, squeals, and craziness and I'm glad I have more wine. And what is with the ring that Michelle is wearing? Is that a miniature table top or a fake casino chip?
Brad greets them at the hotel, and awkwardly hugs everyone. Brad leads them to their suites, and drops off the date card and slips out before the claws come out.
Marissa: The second the card hits the table, it's very real.
Me: You are in a luxury suite in Vegas, for free. None of that is "real".
Anyway, Crazy Michelle reads the date card. The one on one date goes to Shawntal N. The clue is let's end this night with a bang. We all hope that means someone shoots Michelle, but I highly doubt it. Sigh. More wine, please.
Shawntal and Brad meet and do their "thing" - pick up and twirl for those who missed that episode. So their date starts in a fancy mall and she is going on a shopping spree. Every woman in the world is now pissed. Brad tries a jacket meant for Prince. Shawntal had some great stuff too, but I'm too busy being jealous of it all. She then tries on a drab gray dress, and thankfully she picked out the black dress. I would like one of those, but in a size 8 instead of a 2.
Shawntal returns to the suite, and shows off her new stuff. They are all jealous, and Michelle is ready to kill her. Get in line, all of us are.
Tenley Ashley: It's like the perfect Pretty Woman moment every women dreams about.
Me: You know she was a hooker, right?
Shoes, purses, clothes were passed around. Keep the scissors away from Michelle. Crazy Michelle pretends to hang herself. Here, let me get that for you. No? Crap. More wine then.
The rest of the girls console themselves with booze while Shawntal gets a dinner date on top of all the shopping. Drink up girls, it's going to be long night.
Oh, the old rooftop dining date. I guess it is better than a basement. Speaking of basements, Shawntal tells him her job. Which doesn't take place in a basement, but sounds like it should. She is actually a funeral director and embalmer. They actually have a discussion about it. Brad is a little surprised, but keeps asking stupid questions. Now we all know too much about dead people.
Oh, and she had a cross eyed cat named Peaches.
The top then pops off the champagne by itself. Maybe it was a ghost of someone she embalmed. She gets the rose. Fireworks go off, and real fireworks, not the fake ones that Michelle made with her hands. Back at the suite, the girls get another round of drinks. Here, I'll join you, more Chardonnay for me.
Time for date #2. The group date is Jackie, Emily, Lisa, Marissa, Alli, Chantal, Brit, and Michelle. Which leaves the 2 Ashley's for the 2 on 1 date. Both of them almost cry, well, then both of them cry. As they are BFF's in the house. Michelle then rejoices and contemplates if she should black her eye again.
The group date is a Nascar race and they get to drive. Uh, wasn't Emily fiancee a driver? Producers, you are cruel. Really, they couldn't tell Brad this BEFORE?
Crazy Michelle: I am fun and hot.
Me: Yep, keep working that hot, and maybe he won't notice that crazy hat you keep hidden when he's around.
The girls suit up and each get to drive their own car. Brad then notices that Emily is about to have a break down. He pulls her aside and she tells him the truth, and he feels like a jerk. Well, you are a jerk, but not for this one, this one is on the producers.
Emily decides to get in and drive. She misses Ricky. Oh, I can't make fun of this, it's just sad. Excuse me, I need a kleenex. I mean more wine. Yeah, that's it.
So that finally ends and it's an after party, and a private pool. He immediately pulls Emily aside again. The other 7 ladies try to maintain their composure, and Alli rips the crazy hat off of Michelle. She's pissed and she's tired of Emily's sob story. She needs attention too!
Emily and Brad talk, and I'm not sure there is any chemistry between the two of them. Emily, be the next Bachelorette. You can do better. He's worried he can't replace her previous love, and she says she's heard that story from many guys. Time to return to the group date.
Alli then cries to Brad. Then it's Chantal's turn.
Chantal: It makes me love you even more. WAIT. I mean like.
Me: Ooops.
Back at the suite, the Ashleys get ready for their 2 on 1 date. They both look like their dog has died. Tenley Ashley talks like a baby. Dentist Ashley is very sad.
Back on the group date, Michelle drags Brad off for her alone time. She tells him there are a lot of very immature girls here. But she isn't one of them. They make out. He has not seen that crazy yet at all.
The group date rose then goes to ....... Emily. Michelle is pissed and the other girls are just sad, and don't feel special.
Now time to pick up the Ashleys. I'm hoping he sends both of them home. Their date is a trip to Cirque du Soliel - Elvis themed. Oh, I love Elvis. And the surprise is they get to be part of the show. Well, at least whichever one he picks. They do their rehearsing. Is it going to be Dentist Ashley, or Tenlye Ashley?
Back at the suite, Chantal and Shawntal discuss the 2 Ashleys, and who is coming home. They want Dentist Ashley to come back because they don't think she's stable enough to make it to the end. Frankly, I don't either.
Now Brad has to pick which Ashley will stay. Time for the awkward dinner. Brad gives the speech about how amazing each woman is, and he sends Tenley Ashley home.
Brad: You will make someone a wonderful wife, just not for me.
Me: Crap, guys, get a new line. Even I've heard that one.
He then gives the rose to Dentist Ashley.
Tenley Ashley cries. I would cry too, but I don't care that much. Oh, look, my roomie brought me another glass of wine. I think he just wanted an excuse to get away from the show for a minute....
Now the date with Dentish Ashley continues. They have dinner, and then perform in the Elvis show.
Summary:
Tenley Ashley departs and cries.
Dentist Ashley kisses Brad and performs in the show.
Wash, rinse, repeat. Moving on now.
Brad chats with his therapist and "life coach" again. He tells him to keep at it, remember the big picture.. which is a mission to find your wife.
Time for the cocktail party. The last Ashley has a rose, and Emily and Shawntal. 2 will be going home.
Chantal pulls Brad aside and he was worried that she had too much drama. Really? She's the only one? She tells him she's over the group/Emily date.
Alli gets her alone time, and to make her feel special, he brings her champagne and a little cake. He remember that she wore green the first time he met her. Who could forget - that was the J.Lo/junk in the trunk dress. Hey, she's the one who said it first, not me.
Now Marissa has her turn and she wrote Brad a bunch of little notes. He says it's sweet, and I think she's going home.
Now Michelle brings the crazy, she drags him out of there, giving some weird sign to the girls. She shuts the door, and she tells him no talking. And he keeps saying okay. She gives him a speech about how the girls don't realize what is right in front of them. Uh, I'm sure they have pegged you as a crazy bitch. Anyway, she kisses him and then tells him "You should go send some girls home". Oh, and next time he can talk. How that doesn't make the crazy bells in his head go off, is beyond me!
Shawntal, Emily and Ashley have roses. Joining them are:
Crazy Michelle
Alli (JLo)
Brit
Jackie
Chantal
Going home are Marissa and Lisa. Marissa, nice try on the notes, probably too late. And Lisa, when you go home, step away from the tanning bed. Both of them cry as they leave. Hey, they only got taxis? What happened to the limos?
Next week - Upcoming scenes from Costa Rica and South Africa. Crazy Michelle, drama, bathing suites, kissing, drinking, and of course, tears.
And now for my recipe. Chicken Breast, cut slits in them. Pour white wine over them in a baking dish. Top the chicken with oregeno and Italian seasonings. Put in the oven at 400 for 20 minutes.
Pan fry Italian turkey sausage and mushrooms. Drain off grease add chunks of the Champignon cheese. warm. After the chicken has baked for 20 minutes, stuff the sausage cheese mixture into the cut chicken. Top with a few extra slices of the cheese. Bake 5 more minutes. When you take it out of the dish, be sure to pour the wine drippings on top of it. Enjoy! I sure did!
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