Ah, the Caribbean. Great, now the Jeffrey Osborne song "Caribbean Queen" is stuck in my head. Yours too? You're welcome.

Previews - beaches, bathing suits, and half naked women. Another "you're welcome" to the guys who now watch this show due to me, or any other woman in your life.

The girls woo-hoo their way from a boat on the beach. Britt, the food critic, is sooooo excited. I'm convinced she's very critical of food, as she doesn't appear to eat much of it. Ashley is convinced she's on Baywatch.

More oohing and aaahing over the villa. Can I carry some one's luggage and bunk in?

Chris Harrison arrives and drops a bombshell. Instead of the usual 3 dates, there will be 4!!! Da-da-dum. Speaking of dumb, Michelle looks quite perplexed at this announcement, and I'm sure she's pissed there is an extra date that "her man" has to go on.

3 one on one dates and 1 awesome group date. Check that, awesome for Brad, not so awesome for the girls. Oh, and the other monkey wrench, no roses on the one on one dates, only one on the group date. Let the scheming begin.

Chris leaves them with date card #1. First one on one date is for Emily. Britt is disappointed, and Michelle is in search of a barbie doll she can use as a voodoo doll of Emily. Shawntal and Chantal hit the bar.

Brad arrives to whisk Emily away in a helicopter. She tells him "shut up" for about the 100th time. She can't believe how great of a date he has "planned" for her. Look, let's all agree that Brad just agrees with the production assistants when they tell him what to do.

SHUT UP. Emily says after they arrive on a private island. It's a picnic and champagne. It just seems awkward. He gets nervous. And it's the same old conversation. He calls her "Em" and she is scared. He is crazy about her. I still just don't see it.

Back at the villa, the next date card arrives. Shawntal N. gets the one on one date, again. Not Britt. Sniff, sniff.

Back on some random beach in Anguilla, hark, what is that? It's a table, with wine and dinner, and a romantic fire. And it's amazing. Brad's favorite word to Emily's favorite phrase "SHUT UP". They discuss home town dates and will he get to meet her daughter. Emily tells him she is overprotective and that she hasn't been introduced to anyone she has ever dated. Understandable. And he asks to meet the kid anyway. It's up in the air, but I'm going to bet she does.

Brad, being the ever rebel, tells her that she is going to get a rose at the next ceremony. So get ready. He calls her Em a few more times. Now I say "shut up".

Previews of the half naked women again, and now on to Shawntal's date. She talks about him coming to meet the Addams family. I mean, her family.

They ride bikes. He could have told her, poor girl is wearing a skirt. They arrive in a local village and it's a farmer's market with rasta music. She has a braid in her hair too. Like Emily. Is Michelle doing their hair?

They play dominoes.Well, the locals help them. Then they meet Auntie Bee, who asks them if they are in love. She gives them advice - you should hold hands and maybe kiss sometimes. Shawntal decides she should marry him.

And then, look babies! Well, baby goats. I'll have to admit, they were cute. They drink wine and tell each other how much they like each other. And now Shawntal tells him she is falling in love with him.

We now move on to the dinner portion of the date, and they have on 2 lovely shades of purple. Well, mostly her dress is lovely.

She talks, and talks, and talks. Hey, know anyone like that?

Brad tells her the absentee father story. They discuss him coming to Chico to meet her family. Summary - amazing, rain, amazing, cool, kissing, amazing. And now the most famous singer in Anguilla shows up. I don't know who he is. But, hey, looks like fun. They dance. And kiss.

Back at the villa, Britt finally gets the one on one date. It says "Let's set sail on the sea of love". Michelle is jealous and says she sees their boat sinking. I am reminded of the 1989 movie, the Sea of Love. Where a guys murders his ex-wife's new lovers. Hmmm, anyone else see an updated 2011 version staring Michelle as the stalker/killer?

Moving on.
Shawntal and Brad jump in the ocean and make out some more.

Now Britt gets ready for her date. Britt puts on her size 0 clothes, and they get picked up in a yacht. The other women are jealous. Michelle reminds of Ursula, from The Little Mermaid.

Back to Britt and Brad. He takes her to a bay and they rock climb and get ready to cliff jump. Brad cannonballs in. I worry the wind is going to blow Britt off the rocks. She jumps in and immediately bobs back up, not enough weight to hold her down.

Date card for the group date arrives. It's Ashley, Michelle and Chantal - the hint is the Dawn of a New Love. Michelle tells them group dates suck. We know, you've said that before.

Back to Britt and Brad's date. I'm bored. Good thing I have wine. They have wine and dinner. I'm still bored. It's just not there. And now Brad confirms that to us. He lets her down gently. And I'm impressed. At least he didn't avoid it. Britt tells him that more time might get them there. He sticks to his guns and tells her it's time to say good-bye. Wow, he might be boring, but today, he was decisive.

Britt gets dropped off at the house, Ashely is thrilled to see her. I want to punch her. Britt tells them that she is going home. All the girls pretend they are sad, and then help her pack her sh*t.

Now, time for the drama and the half naked girls I have been promising the guys.
Brad arrives at their villa before the sun comes up, and tells the 3 girls to move their butts. They arrive at a house, where they get ready for the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated! Michelle is in her element, Chantal is regretting the food she ate, and Ashley regrets not investing the 10k, as Michelle and Chantal did on her boobs.

The photographer has Ashley jump up and down, and even take her top off. Hey, she does only need sand dollars to cover them up. Yeah, yeah, takes one to know one.
Now Chantal struts her stuff. She rolls in the sand with her best porn star imitation. And goes topless too. Awkward.

Michelle tells Brad he needs to do the shoot with her, throws him down in the sand and sticks her tongue down his throat. Michelle's mission succeeds, and Chantal begins her meltdown. Brad realizes making out with Michelle might not have been the best idea he has ever had. The "after" pool party might not be too much fun.
Brad first pulls Ashley aside to talk. But she talks more. And she annoys me. He loves her personality. Blech. Moving on. Speaking of moving on, Ashley tells him she'll be okay if it doesn't work out. This upsets him, but I'm not sure why. Look, Brad. Sometimes it hurts, but not all women fall to pieces.

Now he talks to Chantal, and they talk about how hard group dates are. They talk about her family, and I didn't really listen to the rest.

On to Crazy Michelle. He tells her they might be too much alike. Oh, he thinks he's crazy too??? Michelle tells him how she's supposed to be there. All 3 women are stressing out. Now the real Chantal meltdown begins, and Brad is confused.

So now this group date has gone to hell in a hand basket. He pulls Ashley aside and she is afraid she is going to leave. He gives her the rose. I'm not sure why. Maybe just to shut her up. She talks like a baby, we get a shot of her hair, now those are some extensions that Vienna could envy! He reassures her to trust in what they have. They return to the group date and it's awkward. Chantal meltdown takes another step and cries, and refuses to go with Brad. So the other 2 girls leave. She tells him if he can't pick her over the other 3, send her home. He talks, she cries. He talks, she cries. Moving on.

Time for the rose ceremony. The girls arrive in a limo. They enter a gorgeous house/villa/dream. Wow. Ashely has on my 90's pant suit that I used to wear to weddings. Chris Harrison startles Brad as he looks at the women's picture. He doesn't want a cocktail party, and he's ready to choose. Chris Harrison reminds him the next step is home town dates. THIS IS BIG, MAN.

Brad sticks to his guns again, and Chris goes and breaks the news to the women. Michelle's earrings are HUGE. Anyway.

Rose ceremony begins, on the beach. Ashley has a rose, and Michelle's dress is ugly. And sorry, so is Emily's.
Brad: blah, blah, blah. He chooses:
Emily (just like he said he would, and she acts surprised)
Shawntal
Chantal

Good bye, Crazy Michelle! Brad, if you own a bunny, now is the time put that bunny in the witness protection program. He walks her out, she won't let him touch her. Chantal says it's got to be awkward, we really know she'd like to do the happy dance. Michelle tells him she doesn't want to talk, and gets in the limo and leaves. She lays down in the back of the limo and doesn't say a word. The producers (and we) are all disappointed. I guess she gave us enough material throughout the season.
Next week - home town dates. Ashely jumps up and down, Shawntal takes him to the funeral home,
Chantal is in love, and Emily's daughter hides.