Don't bug me!

Tonight's recipe - well, it involves my Holidays past. You see, I gained the usual 5 pounds during the holidays, so I'm having my low-cal soup, but it does have cheese! Recipe below, if needed. I'll be having it twice a week for a month or so :-)
Now, on to our drama, I mean, our show. Vamanos! Costa Rica awaits. It has jungles, rain forests, monkeys, and BUGS. And of course, drama and a shirtless Brad. Thanks for the money shots. He is on the boring side personality wise, but as Pitbull says "Damn, I'm hot".
Brad arrives in a helicopter, while we have to see the remaining Ashley say Costa Rica in her best Spanish accent. I'm not impressed.
The girls arrive at the hotel in an SUV being driven by, I think Michelle. Clearly, it can't be her, as I would expect her to drive them over a cliff.
Anyway, the girls check out their awesome villa. I am a bit jealous. A few years ago, I was going to visit Costa Rica with the boyfriend I had at the time. We never went, and clearly that didn't work out for me. And moving on....
Yeah, yeah, the place is nice and there is a volcano. And rain forests, and monkeys, and Brad. Oh, and Alli, don't look now, bugs. And is it just me, or does Michelle always wear that purple tank top?
The girls have a villa in the jungle.
Remaining Ashley declares the hot tub, pool and villa "organic". Hmm, I would think hot springs, a stream and a tent would be more organic, but who am I to know, since I never went to Costa Rica. Sigh. Gulp of wine.
Ah, and here is the first date card. They let him leave and then they pounce. Chantal O. gets the first date. Michelle begins to sharpen the knife set she found in the villa, and Alli tries not to cry. The rest jump up and down like cheerleaders.
The crew apparently takes the knifes away from Michelle as she then tells us the wants Chantal to be attacked by monkeys or apes. I mostly wonder why Michelle got so carried away with her eyebrow pencil.
Chantal then gets ready and packs her sh*t. Just in case. Wow. That is a pink suitcase. Very pink.

The date starts with a helicopter ride. Brad worries about Chantal's drama. I worry about the fact he can't see Michelle is crazy. As well when to use "I" vs. "me".
Back at the Villamonalogues, (get it???) Michelle cries to Emily about Chantal. And they lose audio. However, I can guess what she says - She's not right for him, he belongs to me, and the bitch and her pink suitcase need to go home.
Audio is restored, and we are back on the date. They arrive in a rain forest to go zip-lining. And guess what? It rains. And I notice Brad and Chantal remind me of the Florida gators. Just because of the orange and blue. Sorry for the sports reference, but it is my job/life. Back to the show, and it's summary time:
It rains. They zip line. It rains. They zip line. They make out. It rains.

Back at the Villamonalogues, the group date card arrives. Everyone is in, but Alli. So that means she gets her one on one, Britt is the queen of group dates, and Michelle hates group dates. I think she has mentioned that.

Back to Brad and Chantal. Dinner time date, and big surprise. It starts raining in the rain forest. They grab the wine and move indoors. Oh, and they go to his room. Brad is a rebel tonight. He tells us he's taking this woman and the rose elsewhere. I would have grabbed the bottle of wine, but I bet the production assistant has made sure his room is fully stocked. Oh, and the date rose, someone handed him that.

Michelle is glad that the rain has ruined his date. We all laugh at that because in 30 seconds Chantal is only wearing his shirt. Ha ha, Crazy Michelle. Ha ha.

Chantal - I like seeing this date being on the fly.
Brad - Oh, this is on the fly all right.
Me - Snort.
Summary again - They make out, she gets a rose.

Next up, group date, and Michelle's a crazy bitch. Well, at least she's consistent. And she hates group dates, and it's raining, in a rain forest. And she's pissed that Chantal came home, and in Brad's shirt. And in case we forgot - Brad is her man, not Chantal's.
So the group date is rappelling down a waterfall. Ha ha, Michelle, Ha ha. Now I'm consistent. Mean, but consistent.

Jackie is afraid of heights, more on that in a minute. Mostly, Michelle is pissed because they made a pact they would never rappel down anything else with anyone else. Uh, Michelle, go back and read your pact, it was RAPPEL DOWN THE SIDE OF A BUILDING. This is a waterfall, thus, is excluded. (insert your own ha ha, Michelle, ha ha)
Shawntal goes first, then the others, and then Jackie freaks out about the heights, and Michelle complains. I guess she forgot about her "fear" of heights.
Now, all the girls are at the bottom, except for Crazy Michelle. She hits him, she's angry. I hope he throws her off the cliff, but he doesn't. He tells her they are going to rappel together. The rest are jealous and I wonder why he can't see Michelle is a crazy bitch.
The group date moves to the after party, and of course, involves booze and bikinis. I know Emily is hot, but her bikini is ugly, Michelle talks dirty to us, obviously after a few drinks.

And the drama begins. Jackie gets the first one on one, and he's proud of her for rappelling, and then she says I wish you had rappelled down the waterfalll with me instead of Loony Tunes.

Back at Villamonalogues, Alli gets her one one one date card and it says "Meet me at the
alter". Chantal begins meltdown status.

Group date flash - Michelle says everyone should go home, and Emily is sweet.

Back to V.M. - There is a really big bug. Well, medium size. Chantal starts to shoo it outside, but Alli is freaking out, so she tosses it on her. So Alli is afraid of bugs. So much she screams like a banshee and drops her drink. Lucky for Brad, he's talking to Michelle, and she puts her claws in him and keeps him there. She begins her crazy babble, and we all seriously wonder if Brad just likes deranged women. She complains, whines, bitches, and then kisses him to shut him up when he questions her. At this point I wonder why he doesn't send her ass home, and then we get a shot of her ass and I'm reminded why.

The group date drama continues, Brad gets pissed and doesn't give anyone a rose. Michelle thought it was hers, so now she is really pissed. Peace out, Brad out.
Alli get sher sh*t packed and heads out on her one on one date. Brad arrives on a horse. Alli gets a miniature one. Okay, either I drank too much wine, or this is a boring date. You pick - summary.

They crawl in a cave. She shrieks, there are bugs and bats. and an alter. They have dinner, and it is awkward. They are having dinner on a lagoon, and their "island" starts sinking. Now if that isn't foreshadowing.... She tells him she could hang out with him all day, he gives her the "It's not you, it's me" speech. She cries. I drink more wine. Been there. Know the feeling. Sorry, Alli "I got junk in the trunk". She leaves and cries some more.

The baggage guy takes her luggage, and all the girls rejoice.
Brad goes back to his room to "brood" and Crazy Michelle shows up. I'll summarize at this point, as I am sick of her BS. She's glad Alli is gone, she's pissed Chantal is not, her braid is stupid, she's stupid, and Brad is stupid for not putting her on the first crazy train out of town.

Now, cocktail party time, only one of the girls is going home. Brad is stressed out, the girls are freaked out, and I'm drinking more wine. Hey, we all have our places in life.
Brad and Emily sit in a hammock decorated with Victoria Secret's pillows. They talk about her issues, and she's hot, so she'll be staying.

The rest of the girls wonder who gave Brad "grief". We all know it's Crazy Michelle. They all know it's Crazy Michelle. Brad is almost catching on and telling her she is scaring him. Too bad he picks her anyway. Sigh. Being hot gets you so much further than average. Trust me, I know.

Michelle - I don't know if I'm crazy...
Me and the rest of the world - YES.

Shawntal gets alone time with him, plays some version of the quiet game, I have never seen! (as I played with my sister, and surprisingly I won. And yes, I can tell you when, where and the details.)

Shawntal tells the rest of the chicks someone has been bugging the crap out of him and they figure out Michelle snuck off and talked to him, or one of the production assistants told them. Michelle realizes she's cold-busted and admits she saw him for 20 minutes when she snuck off. Michelle - But I don't run my mouth off about any of you.
Me - Uh, what about how you said Chantal wasn't right for him and all the others need to go home? Details, details, details.

Moving on, Chantal and her leopard dress tell Brad she has fallen in love with him. Oh, crap. There is not enough wine in the world for that.
Rose time. They go to: (oh, and Chantal already has one)

Remaining Ashley
Emily (no surprise there)
Brit (really?)
Shawntal (my 2nd favorite)
Crazy Michelle.....

Good bye to Jackie who had that long ago Pretty Woman date. Brad tells her she is wonderful, but see ya. She climbs into the SUV and avoids him helping her in. Not sure if that was intentional, but, hey, it's every little victory. She cries, he goes back to his harem. And now cheers, they are now on to Anguilla in the Caribbean.

Next week - more drama. YIPPEE! I have more wine. I'm ready.

Oh, and here is my soup recipe. Sautee white onions, green onions and mushrooms in olive oil. Heat up chicken broth. Mix togther, add grilled chicken, spanish rice, avocado and shredded cheese. Not the greatest, but not bad for low cal!