The crazier the better!

Another week, another cheese. This time it was Gruyere. I made crab paninis. Melt butter with green onions and garlic. Add the crab to heat up. Put on your bread, add grated Gruyere and Parmesan and grill. Yes, you too can do the happy dance!

Speaking of happy, let's move on to our show. Oh, and did I say happy? 'Cause I meant CRAZY. That is our word of the night.

We begin with beautiful shots of the idyllic setting, but our serenity is spoiled by the mysterious black eye of Crazy Michelle. At this point, I'd like to pass around the hat and take a collection up to reward the person who popped that crazy bitch one. But Michelle quickly tells us that she has no idea how this happened, and it could be stress. Look, there are lots of ways one can get a black eye. (Tripping and falling on a sidewalk is one way. NOT that I would know anything about that!) I just don't think stress is it.
We all know the show provides plenty of booze, and we know you are crazy. My 2 theories - 1) Did it for crazy bitch attention. 2) Had too much wine and ran into something stumbling to the bathroom in the dark.
Anyway, enough of Crazy Michelle, we will have plenty of her later.

Chris Harrison arrives. Wearing a brown plaid shirt and I think one of the girl's gray sweater. Really, Chris? I think wardrobe let you down this week.
First date is a one on one for Chantal, setting up the Michelle vs. Chantal showdown we can all see coming.

Brad arrives, all the girls giggle, and Michelle tells him about how she woke up with a black eye. Brad doesn't really know what to say and Ashley S. says she wishes she had given her the black eye. And that makes it official, I hate her less than Tenley. But mostly, I wish I had given Michelle the black eye.

A helicopter arrives to whisk Brad and Chantal away for the date. Every other girl hates her. I still wonder if the women realize it's not his personal helicopter. Oh, and Crazy Michelle doesn't want him kissing her. Again, HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHOW BEFORE?

The yellow cab, I mean helicopter takes them to Catalina Island. They get on a boat and their date involves deep sea diving and they are going walk on the ocean floor. Surprisingly, Chantal doesn't normally that! Yes, Chantal, most of the time, we are diving into a cocktail, not the ocean. Just shut up, suit up, and jump in.

Back in the Cinderella suite, the group date arrives. Michelle is not on there, and surmises she has the next one on one date. And if not, Brad will get his own black eye. Oh yeah, keep the crazy coming.

Back to Brad and Chantal's date. I'm going to summarize. Chantal is divorced. She and Brad have chemistry. They both want to get married and have a family one day. They make out. She gets a rose.

Back to the mansion, this time Crazy Michelle is crying to Ashley S. and saying how she may have beat herself up in the middle of the night. Insert your own eye roll here. Ashley pretends to be sympathetic, but inside she's just waiting for the crazy bitch to implode. Michelle says "Chantal is very focused on Brad". Hello, Michelle? Yeah, This is the kettle calling.....

Now it's time for the group date, we have Alli, both Ashleys, Tan Lisa, Meaghan, Brit, Stacey, Lindsey, and Jackie. This date is a live radio show with Dr. Drew and some other guy. To me, most of this was boring. I was grateful for wine. They end up with finding out who has cheated in the past, and Brad says he never has. Well, kind of easy to say when the rules of the show are set up like this???

And what is this? Oh, now Crazy Michelle is complaining to Emily. I hope Emily blacks her other eye, but she doesn't.

Back at the radio show, the wheels begin to come off the bus for Ashley H. Then Brit pours her heart out about how she likes him, and Ashley H. contemplates pouring her beer on her head.

Post radio party, time for the "after party". Which of course involves a hot tub, bikinis, booze and boobs. Well, there is no shortage of boobs there, in more ways that one!

First up to ask for one on one time, is Stacey. Ashley continues to flip out, and the rest of the "stealing away" games begin. Next is Alli. She lasts a few minutes, and along comes Ashley S. doing her impression of "I'm as sweet as Tenley". She tries to hug Alli, who blows her off. Good for you. Well, except you should have told her to go away. But then Jackie gets her back and chases her off. The Ashley H. meltdown continues.

Back in the lair, the one on one date card arrives, and it's for CRAZY MICHELLE. I like how Emily said the clue to the date first and then says Michelle. Ha ha. Michelle talks about everyone going home. Chantal points out how all the other cards mentioned love, but hers just says "Let's hang out". The girls all get a good giggle out of it, except for Crazy Michelle who really wonders if she should take her medication before or after the date.

Time to wrap up the group date. More "steal Brad" happens, with Brit getting the best one on one time, as she doesn't waste it talking, she makes out with him. About the time the liplock is done, Ashley H. takes the crazy to him. She feels their connection is stronger than anyone else's connection. Now, that connection doesn't really count if you are just stalking him. Ashley whines and cries about the situation. AGAIN, YOU HAVE SEEN THE SHOW BEFORE, RIGHT? She talks in circles, I wish I had some of that free wine they pass out at the show. He convinces her to stay, and I wonder why he's working so hard for her whiny ass. Brad decides it's time to give the date rose and he's about to give it to Ashley, but she continues her meltdown, and he gives it to Brit. Finally, a good decision by Brad.

Time for Crazy Michelle's date, which of course we can't forget, because she's telling everyone. Plus, Ashley H. continues to board the crazy train with Michelle.
Michelle covers her "mysterious" black eye with make up and tells everyone to shut the F up as it's her day. Brad arrives, and first off asks Ashley H. to talk. Of course Michelle doesn't mind. She just adds a payback for that one to her "to do" list.
Brad asks Ashley to hang in there. She tells him she is emotional. We all just think she's needy, annoying, and high-maintenance. She sticks around. At least for one more episode. I give her one more before she implodes.

The discussion inside continues and Michelle can't believe her time is being taken away for someone else's emotional issues. Chantal points out the fit she threw on the PSA group date when it was her birthday.
Michelle - That for me, was a moral issue, and I was genuinely going to leave.
Me - It was your birthday, how is that a moral issue?
Michelle - Shut up you stupid bitches, it was my f'n birthday.

Chantal and Michelle battle continues. Brad returns and she says "get me out of here" and drags him out. He has no idea what a crazy bitch she is. Clueless.

The date begins, and on the way Michelle bitches more about Ashley. Hey, Brad, there's another clue, which he misses. He takes Michelle to his "house". She says she could live there. Who couldn't? But you will be moving out. The next Bachelor will need somewhere to stay.

The yellow cab, I mean helicopter is back. The helicopter lands on top of a building and he tells her they have to "repel" down the side of the building to get to dinner. Okay, from that we can hope he means he has a special repellent that wards off crazy bitches. Sadly, that is not the case. Michelle cries and says she is afraid of heights, but she is able to do it. They propel down the side of the building. We hope the building repels her off to the ground, but we aren't so lucky. Halfway down, they kiss.
Michelle - We kiss, and this is so real.
Me - Yes, climbing down a building and making out is so real life.
The both feel very "accomplished". I'm just repelled. Or repulsed. Take your pick. The "after party" date begins and they both dive in the pool fully dressed. Well, Michelle's was more of a belly flop. Ha ha. They make out in the pool. Crazy Michelle then becomes Gangsta Michelle by telling the camera how no one compares to her, boom and gang signs. WTF? Oh, Brad, you really need to get the crazy bitch repellent I mentioned. Time to sum up the date. Michelle tells him she's a real rebel. He asks about her divorce and tells her he wants to meet her daughter. They make out. She gets the rose.

Now for the home stretch. Brad meets with his therapist, and then it's cocktail party time. Shawntal gets alone time and he still shows some interest in her. She jumps in his arms, like they did at the action movie shoot. She squeals. I hope she doesn't keep squealing like that.

Meaghan has on huge earrings and they talk for a few minutes. I think she's going home.

Brad then asks Emily to go outside and he has a picnic basket with wine in it for her. Most of the girls realize that Emily is the front runner. She just seems so perfect, but too sweet to hate.
The rest of the girls try not to cry, or wish they were as perfect as she was. Again, if she's not the winner, she's your next Bachelorette.

Chantal then starts to break down. No, no. Step away from the crazy. She gets a few minutes with Brad and manages to hold back the tears but mentions that some of the other girls there aren't emotionally stable. NO! Chantal, remember what happened to Melissa and what's her name. Brad reassures her the she's in his top 4. They make out, and now it's time for the rose ceremony. Chantal, Brit and Michelle have roses. The remaining roses go to:

Ashley S. (Tenley)
Alli (junk in the trunk)
Emily (Mother Teresa re-incarnated as a hot southern blond)
Shawntal (the kick ass girl)
Lisa (really, the tanning girl?)
Jackie (where was she all week)
Marissa (sports chick, I got nothing else)
Ashley H. (ticking time bomb. Tick, Tick, Tick)

Going home are Lindsey, Stacey and Meaghan. Those 3 handled it the best so far. Well, what was that the weird trot that Meaghan did as she was leaving? Stacey goes back to her wicked bar. Lindsey sheds a few tears, but hey, she never acted like a crazy bitch on national television.

Next week, it's Vegas baby. Oh, and a lot of tears. And Crazy Michelle.