Another week, another cheese. This time it was Gruyere. I made crab paninis. Melt butter with green onions and garlic. Add the crab to heat up. Put on your bread, add grated Gruyere and Parmesan and grill. Yes, you too can do the happy dance!
Speaking of happy, let's move on to our show. Oh, and did I say happy? 'Cause I meant CRAZY. That is our word of the night.
We begin with beautiful shots of the idyllic setting, but our serenity is spoiled by the mysterious black eye of Crazy Michelle. At this point, I'd like to pass around the hat and take a collection up to reward the person who popped that crazy bitch one. But Michelle quickly tells us that she has no idea how this happened, and it could be stress. Look, there are lots of ways one can get a black eye. (Tripping and falling on a sidewalk is one way. NOT that I would know anything about that!) I just don't think stress is it.
We all know the show provides plenty of booze, and we know you are crazy. My 2 theories - 1) Did it for crazy bitch attention. 2) Had too much wine and ran into something stumbling to the bathroom in the dark.
Anyway, enough of Crazy Michelle, we will have plenty of her later.
Chris Harrison arrives. Wearing a brown plaid shirt and I think one of the girl's gray sweater. Really, Chris? I think wardrobe let you down this week.
First date is a one on one for Chantal, setting up the Michelle vs. Chantal showdown we can all see coming.
Brad arrives, all the girls giggle, and Michelle tells him about how she woke up with a black eye. Brad doesn't really know what to say and Ashley S. says she wishes she had given her the black eye. And that makes it official, I hate her less than Tenley. But mostly, I wish I had given Michelle the black eye.
A helicopter arrives to whisk Brad and Chantal away for the date. Every other girl hates her. I still wonder if the women realize it's not his personal helicopter. Oh, and Crazy Michelle doesn't want him kissing her. Again, HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHOW BEFORE?
The yellow cab, I mean helicopter takes them to Catalina Island. They get on a boat and their date involves deep sea diving and they are going walk on the ocean floor. Surprisingly, Chantal doesn't normally that! Yes, Chantal, most of the time, we are diving into a cocktail, not the ocean. Just shut up, suit up, and jump in.
Back in the Cinderella suite, the group date arrives. Michelle is not on there, and surmises she has the next one on one date. And if not, Brad will get his own black eye. Oh yeah, keep the crazy coming.
Back to Brad and Chantal's date. I'm going to summarize. Chantal is divorced. She and Brad have chemistry. They both want to get married and have a family one day. They make out. She gets a rose.
Back to the mansion, this time Crazy Michelle is crying to Ashley S. and saying how she may have beat herself up in the middle of the night. Insert your own eye roll here. Ashley pretends to be sympathetic, but inside she's just waiting for the crazy bitch to implode. Michelle says "Chantal is very focused on Brad". Hello, Michelle? Yeah, This is the kettle calling.....
Now it's time for the group date, we have Alli, both Ashleys, Tan Lisa, Meaghan, Brit, Stacey, Lindsey, and Jackie. This date is a live radio show with Dr. Drew and some other guy. To me, most of this was boring. I was grateful for wine. They end up with finding out who has cheated in the past, and Brad says he never has. Well, kind of easy to say when the rules of the show are set up like this???
And what is this? Oh, now Crazy Michelle is complaining to Emily. I hope Emily blacks her other eye, but she doesn't.
Back at the radio show, the wheels begin to come off the bus for Ashley H. Then Brit pours her heart out about how she likes him, and Ashley H. contemplates pouring her beer on her head.
Post radio party, time for the "after party". Which of course involves a hot tub, bikinis, booze and boobs. Well, there is no shortage of boobs there, in more ways that one!
First up to ask for one on one time, is Stacey. Ashley continues to flip out, and the rest of the "stealing away" games begin. Next is Alli. She lasts a few minutes, and along comes Ashley S. doing her impression of "I'm as sweet as Tenley". She tries to hug Alli, who blows her off. Good for you. Well, except you should have told her to go away. But then Jackie gets her back and chases her off. The Ashley H. meltdown continues.
Back in the lair, the one on one date card arrives, and it's for CRAZY MICHELLE. I like how Emily said the clue to the date first and then says Michelle. Ha ha. Michelle talks about everyone going home. Chantal points out how all the other cards mentioned love, but hers just says "Let's hang out". The girls all get a good giggle out of it, except for Crazy Michelle who really wonders if she should take her medication before or after the date.
Time to wrap up the group date. More "steal Brad" happens, with Brit getting the best one on one time, as she doesn't waste it talking, she makes out with him. About the time the liplock is done, Ashley H. takes the crazy to him. She feels their connection is stronger than anyone else's connection. Now, that connection doesn't really count if you are just stalking him. Ashley whines and cries about the situation. AGAIN, YOU HAVE SEEN THE SHOW BEFORE, RIGHT? She talks in circles, I wish I had some of that free wine they pass out at the show. He convinces her to stay, and I wonder why he's working so hard for her whiny ass. Brad decides it's time to give the date rose and he's about to give it to Ashley, but she continues her meltdown, and he gives it to Brit. Finally, a good decision by Brad.
Time for Crazy Michelle's date, which of course we can't forget, because she's telling everyone. Plus, Ashley H. continues to board the crazy train with Michelle.
Michelle covers her "mysterious" black eye with make up and tells everyone to shut the F up as it's her day. Brad arrives, and first off asks Ashley H. to talk. Of course Michelle doesn't mind. She just adds a payback for that one to her "to do" list.
Brad asks Ashley to hang in there. She tells him she is emotional. We all just think she's needy, annoying, and high-maintenance. She sticks around. At least for one more episode. I give her one more before she implodes.
The discussion inside continues and Michelle can't believe her time is being taken away for someone else's emotional issues. Chantal points out the fit she threw on the PSA group date when it was her birthday.
Michelle - That for me, was a moral issue, and I was genuinely going to leave.
Me - It was your birthday, how is that a moral issue?
Michelle - Shut up you stupid bitches, it was my f'n birthday.
Chantal and Michelle battle continues. Brad returns and she says "get me out of here" and drags him out. He has no idea what a crazy bitch she is. Clueless.
The date begins, and on the way Michelle bitches more about Ashley. Hey, Brad, there's another clue, which he misses. He takes Michelle to his "house". She says she could live there. Who couldn't? But you will be moving out. The next Bachelor will need somewhere to stay.
The yellow cab, I mean helicopter is back. The helicopter lands on top of a building and he tells her they have to "repel" down the side of the building to get to dinner. Okay, from that we can hope he means he has a special repellent that wards off crazy bitches. Sadly, that is not the case. Michelle cries and says she is afraid of heights, but she is able to do it. They propel down the side of the building. We hope the building repels her off to the ground, but we aren't so lucky. Halfway down, they kiss.
Michelle - We kiss, and this is so real.
Me - Yes, climbing down a building and making out is so real life.
The both feel very "accomplished". I'm just repelled. Or repulsed. Take your pick. The "after party" date begins and they both dive in the pool fully dressed. Well, Michelle's was more of a belly flop. Ha ha. They make out in the pool. Crazy Michelle then becomes Gangsta Michelle by telling the camera how no one compares to her, boom and gang signs. WTF? Oh, Brad, you really need to get the crazy bitch repellent I mentioned. Time to sum up the date. Michelle tells him she's a real rebel. He asks about her divorce and tells her he wants to meet her daughter. They make out. She gets the rose.
Now for the home stretch. Brad meets with his therapist, and then it's cocktail party time. Shawntal gets alone time and he still shows some interest in her. She jumps in his arms, like they did at the action movie shoot. She squeals. I hope she doesn't keep squealing like that.
Meaghan has on huge earrings and they talk for a few minutes. I think she's going home.
Brad then asks Emily to go outside and he has a picnic basket with wine in it for her. Most of the girls realize that Emily is the front runner. She just seems so perfect, but too sweet to hate.
The rest of the girls try not to cry, or wish they were as perfect as she was. Again, if she's not the winner, she's your next Bachelorette.
Chantal then starts to break down. No, no. Step away from the crazy. She gets a few minutes with Brad and manages to hold back the tears but mentions that some of the other girls there aren't emotionally stable. NO! Chantal, remember what happened to Melissa and what's her name. Brad reassures her the she's in his top 4. They make out, and now it's time for the rose ceremony. Chantal, Brit and Michelle have roses. The remaining roses go to:
Ashley S. (Tenley)
Alli (junk in the trunk)
Emily (Mother Teresa re-incarnated as a hot southern blond)
Shawntal (the kick ass girl)
Lisa (really, the tanning girl?)
Jackie (where was she all week)
Marissa (sports chick, I got nothing else)
Ashley H. (ticking time bomb. Tick, Tick, Tick)
Going home are Lindsey, Stacey and Meaghan. Those 3 handled it the best so far. Well, what was that the weird trot that Meaghan did as she was leaving? Stacey goes back to her wicked bar. Lindsey sheds a few tears, but hey, she never acted like a crazy bitch on national television.
Next week, it's Vegas baby. Oh, and a lot of tears. And Crazy Michelle.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Hot-ness, will eventually equal hot mess.
First off, wine and cheese. I was lazy in the kitchen today, looked in the fridge and found whatever cheese I had on a pizza. Smoked mozzarella, fontina and asaigo. Added turkey Italian sausage and mushrooms. Viola! Yep, it was good. And for wine, pizza deserves a nice Chianti.
Speaking of good, no, not good. This is even better - This week's episode of The Bachelor. So let's get to the crazy, the tears, the cat fights and the good bye - here is your limo to the airport ride.
And as usual, here to get the party started - previews of what is to come, and then Chris Harrison arrives at the mansion. Conveniently, they are all gathered in the living room. He gives them a counseling session on how tough last night was. Uh, not that hard on them, they are all still here. This week's dates - 2 individual and 1 group date.
First stop on the crazy train of love - Solo date. This time it's Ashley S. aka the "new Tenley". However, I will have to admit, I still find Tenley more annoying. Well, until Ashley's high pitched squeaky reaction of "Oh My God, it's me!" The title of the date "Let's find our love song". And now I have the previous Bachelor song "On the Wings of Love" in my head. Great. Freaking great.
Brad arrives at the mansion, all the girls glower, while Ashley glows. Crazy Michelle takes it one step further and says she hates all of them, as they are mere girls, and she is a WOMAN. A crazy woman, if you ask me.
So back to date, Brad and Ashely take off in a convertible and arrive at a recording studio, for....... yep, a recording session. Why do I think this is going to be tortuous? Ashley tells us that while her speaking voice is "charming", her singing voice is not. Charming is not really what I would use, I would go with "a tad less baby-ish than Tenley". Brad tells her that it's a "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal, and now THAT damn song is stuck in my head. Ashley squeals and says it's perfect because it reminds her of her dad because it was her favorite song when she was like, say 10 or so. Around the time Brad was in college.
Ashley: I can't believe Brad chose such a perfect song for me.
Me: He didn't actually pick it out, the producers told him what it was going to be.
I was correct, that was tortuous. Not that I can sing either, so we'll move on from that disaster.
Now we can move on to a private concert, by........ yes. Seal. I know, big "surprise". They walk in and Ashely squeals, all she needed to do was add the jumping and clapping and it would have been a full "Tenley". Yes, I went there.
Brad tells her "shhhh", and I wonder if he means for the concert, or the rest of the date. Probably just the concert, I guess the rest of the night is too much to hope for. Good thing I planned ahead and poured another glass of wine.
Now time for the usual rooftop dining. Date summary - Brad says "amazing". Ashley says "unreal, blah, blah, blah, dad, blah, blah, song, blah, blah, like, like, like, like". Spoiler alert - She gets the rose.
Back at the mansion, the date card arrives. Michelle doesn't want to be on it, and if she is, she'll be pissed off. So, we all knows that means she will be on the group date. And the group date goes to (drum roll) Lindsey, Shawntal, Alli, Brit, Kimberly, Sarah, Chantal, Ashley H., Lisa, Stacey, Marissa, AAAAAND CRAZY MICHELLE. Did I call that or what? I know, excellent foreshadowing pick up on my part!
Back to the rooftop, Ashley S. gets the rose, and they play the song again, thankfully it's the Seal version, and not theirs.
Now, on to the drama date, I gleefully rub my hands together, get more wine and settle in. Michelle bitches about being on a group date, the rest "woo" as the van pulls away.
As soon as the girls get out he says "These women have no clue". I snort and laugh. Get it? They have no clue! Okay, so the rest of his sentence clarified it was about the date, but I still found that quite amusing.
BOOOOMMM. An explosion goes off, and guys jump out and begin "fighting" with Brad. All the girls squeal with delight. I'm distracted by Alli's 80's work-out top, and now they are lined up learning how to throw a punch. Please tell me someone has had some martial arts training, or this is going to be really bad. Chantal goes up in my book, great punch. Michelle does some more whining and is contemplating paying off a couple of ninjas to kidnap the other girls. I just hope they don't give her a weapon, pretend or not! Side note - Lisa squeaks.
Back at the mansion, next date card arrives, and Ashley S. bounds out in her bikini. Now, all of you guys who watch the show because of my chat and blog may now thank me.
This date goes to Emily. One of my frontrunners. She's worried about telling him her story of her daughter and her fiancee that was killed in a plane crash.
Back to the movie set, it's Shawntal's turn. She said she was bringing her A game. And bring it she does! She kicked ass. Move Shawntal up on my list. She also made Michelle's list of "women to smother in their sleep" as she made out with Brad after saving him. They had to do that take several times. Is it wrong that I enjoyed how upset Crazy Michelle got? I guess so, I better drink some more wine, then. Michelle continues to say how it's going to be "fireworks" when he kisses her. I'm still hoping it's the lightbulb that says "bitch is crazy", but I don't see that happening, yet. Michelle continues to squeeze the bunny too tightly as we move to the dinner/drinking portion of the evening.
Rooftop, pool, they jump right in. Clothes start coming off. Oh, they have bathing suites. First to steal Brad is Chantal. Good for you, I thought it would be Michelle.
The talk starts off with she's having a hard time, but he understands. Glad he gets it the 2nd go-around. Anyway, she opens up and tells him about her absentee father and then how he passed away before she found him. She cries, he listens intently, tells her she's hot, and they make out.
Speaking of crying, back at the mansion, Emily tells the other girls her story of her daughter, and the fiancee killed in the plane crash. Even Twilight was crying.
Back in the pool, Michelle gloms herself to Brad.
Alli takes her turn and gets alone time. Michelle is appalled by this, according to her, it's HER turn. And you know what's going to stop her? Nothing. That's right. Nothing.
Alli and Brad are talking, and Michelle tiptoes in, and tells Brad "when you are done". So Alli gets the brush off for Crazy Michelle.
Michelle claims she never gets any one on one time. Uh, excuse me, remember the time you had those stupid questions for him? She cries about leaving her daughter. But hey, hot guy, free booze, great trips, who could pass that up? They finally kiss, there weren't any fireworks, nor the lightbulb of "she's crazy" going off. Crazy Michelle will be around for another week.
Brad then goes to get the rose, I'm afraid he's going to give it to Crazy Michelle, but one moment of sanity, he picks Shawntal after she kicked ass today. She's pleased, I'm pleased.
Crazy Michelle continues on about how immature the other girls are, but then refers to sex as "practicing making babies".
Time for Emily's one on one date. Meaghan tells us that Emily is Mother Teresa reincarnated as a smoking hot blond. Brad then takes Emily to a private plane to take them to their date. We get a shot of her shoes. Really? The plane takes them to the wine country in Santa Maria. I'm INSANELY jealous. INSANELY. And we all know this is about the wine for me. Brad then begins to ask Emily questions, and she dodges them. Brad gives up and goes to get his coat. It's now time for dinner and she finally tells him the story of her daughter and dead fiancee. I get some kleenex and more wine. This story is just sad, I can't make fun of this at all. Summary time - she gets the rose. She is quite easy on the eyes, and that can't hurt her chances.
Time to beat a dead horse - it's Brad's 2nd time, he's had therapy. Here is his therapist telling him he has to open up, be vulnerable, and to let someone in. My advice, decide if a person is worth taking a chance on. The only thing you can control is you and your behaviour. Be who you want to be in the relationship, and they'll either hurt you, or they won't. It's up to you do deal with it from there. That doesn't mean you won't get your heart broken, it just means no one has ever died from it.
Now, time to the elimination round, I mean rose ceremony. I find the bow on Alli's dress distracting. Michelle tells the group how "there's no guarantee unless you have a rose to begin with" and follows up with "I'm confident I'll get one".
Brad arrives and the jockeying for one on one time begins. Alli and her bow go first. Their topic "trust" is because her dad cheated on her mom and she had a surprise little sister. They hug, no kiss. Hmmm, not sure if she's getting a rose.
Crazy Michelle then asks him to have him. She tells the camera how it bothers her he's kissing, dating and thinking about other girls. AGAIN, DID YOU NOT WATCH ANY PREVIOUS SHOWS???? This is how it goes. And now, I have a new song pop in my head. Buckcherry's "She's a crazy bitch". He gives her a quick hug and sidesteps her so he can talk to Chantal.
Chantal and Brad discuss how their physical chemistry is ON. And he tells her he appreciated the open discussion they had on the group date. She is getting a rose, for sure.
Then, surprise, surprise, Crazy Michelle steals him. She then tells him they are in a fight, because he's been kissing other girls. He laughs it off, explains this was his plan, and to deal with it. She's still crazy, but he finds it endearing. I think he just can't see past her hotness. Brad, you are going to regret this one.
Twilight then gets her alone time. She gets serious and takes the fangs out. I'm more worried her boobs are going to pop out of her dress. But the double sided tape holds up. She tells him she's not sure she should stay. He talks her into staying, and says if he offers her a rose and she doesn't want to accept it, she should say no. They agree and we move on.
Ashley H. then corners him and goes on with the "if you don't like me" speech. She doesn't want him to be on the fence about her, not even between her and another girl. AGAIN, HELLO, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHOW, THAT'S HOW IT WORKS!" She acts depressed and her insecurities are annoying me. Obviously it doesn't annoy him, and he goes back to kiss her.
Time to get a rose, or hit the road.
Ashley S, Emily and Shawntal have roses.
Brad begins with the 2nd thoughts speech.
He then chooses:
Michelle (song playing again, she's a crazy bitch)
Chantal (Michelle's new arch-rival)
At this point, the 2nd thoughts speech really kicks in for Twilight and she opts to leave. She cries, he hugs her, she cries and hops in the limo.
Lisa (addicted to tanning)
Jackie (she flew under the radar this week)
Ashley H. (perky, turned pouty dentist)
Marissa (sports chick)
Brit (got nothing)
Alli (still don't like the bow)
Lindsey (the teacher, that's all I got)
Meaghan (told us how Emily was mother Theresa)
Stacey (wicked awesome bartender)
Going home are Twilight, Kimberly and Sarah. Kimberly does the "I'm still awesome, F Brad" speech, and Sarah cries. Don't worry, I'm sure there is a mini bar in the limo.
Previews for next week - Date with Chantal, group date on a radio show, Ashley H starting to lose it. Crazy Michelle continues to be crazy. I can't wait to see how she gets the black eye!
Speaking of good, no, not good. This is even better - This week's episode of The Bachelor. So let's get to the crazy, the tears, the cat fights and the good bye - here is your limo to the airport ride.
And as usual, here to get the party started - previews of what is to come, and then Chris Harrison arrives at the mansion. Conveniently, they are all gathered in the living room. He gives them a counseling session on how tough last night was. Uh, not that hard on them, they are all still here. This week's dates - 2 individual and 1 group date.
First stop on the crazy train of love - Solo date. This time it's Ashley S. aka the "new Tenley". However, I will have to admit, I still find Tenley more annoying. Well, until Ashley's high pitched squeaky reaction of "Oh My God, it's me!" The title of the date "Let's find our love song". And now I have the previous Bachelor song "On the Wings of Love" in my head. Great. Freaking great.
Brad arrives at the mansion, all the girls glower, while Ashley glows. Crazy Michelle takes it one step further and says she hates all of them, as they are mere girls, and she is a WOMAN. A crazy woman, if you ask me.
So back to date, Brad and Ashely take off in a convertible and arrive at a recording studio, for....... yep, a recording session. Why do I think this is going to be tortuous? Ashley tells us that while her speaking voice is "charming", her singing voice is not. Charming is not really what I would use, I would go with "a tad less baby-ish than Tenley". Brad tells her that it's a "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal, and now THAT damn song is stuck in my head. Ashley squeals and says it's perfect because it reminds her of her dad because it was her favorite song when she was like, say 10 or so. Around the time Brad was in college.
Ashley: I can't believe Brad chose such a perfect song for me.
Me: He didn't actually pick it out, the producers told him what it was going to be.
I was correct, that was tortuous. Not that I can sing either, so we'll move on from that disaster.
Now we can move on to a private concert, by........ yes. Seal. I know, big "surprise". They walk in and Ashely squeals, all she needed to do was add the jumping and clapping and it would have been a full "Tenley". Yes, I went there.
Brad tells her "shhhh", and I wonder if he means for the concert, or the rest of the date. Probably just the concert, I guess the rest of the night is too much to hope for. Good thing I planned ahead and poured another glass of wine.
Now time for the usual rooftop dining. Date summary - Brad says "amazing". Ashley says "unreal, blah, blah, blah, dad, blah, blah, song, blah, blah, like, like, like, like". Spoiler alert - She gets the rose.
Back at the mansion, the date card arrives. Michelle doesn't want to be on it, and if she is, she'll be pissed off. So, we all knows that means she will be on the group date. And the group date goes to (drum roll) Lindsey, Shawntal, Alli, Brit, Kimberly, Sarah, Chantal, Ashley H., Lisa, Stacey, Marissa, AAAAAND CRAZY MICHELLE. Did I call that or what? I know, excellent foreshadowing pick up on my part!
Back to the rooftop, Ashley S. gets the rose, and they play the song again, thankfully it's the Seal version, and not theirs.
Now, on to the drama date, I gleefully rub my hands together, get more wine and settle in. Michelle bitches about being on a group date, the rest "woo" as the van pulls away.
As soon as the girls get out he says "These women have no clue". I snort and laugh. Get it? They have no clue! Okay, so the rest of his sentence clarified it was about the date, but I still found that quite amusing.
BOOOOMMM. An explosion goes off, and guys jump out and begin "fighting" with Brad. All the girls squeal with delight. I'm distracted by Alli's 80's work-out top, and now they are lined up learning how to throw a punch. Please tell me someone has had some martial arts training, or this is going to be really bad. Chantal goes up in my book, great punch. Michelle does some more whining and is contemplating paying off a couple of ninjas to kidnap the other girls. I just hope they don't give her a weapon, pretend or not! Side note - Lisa squeaks.
Back at the mansion, next date card arrives, and Ashley S. bounds out in her bikini. Now, all of you guys who watch the show because of my chat and blog may now thank me.
This date goes to Emily. One of my frontrunners. She's worried about telling him her story of her daughter and her fiancee that was killed in a plane crash.
Back to the movie set, it's Shawntal's turn. She said she was bringing her A game. And bring it she does! She kicked ass. Move Shawntal up on my list. She also made Michelle's list of "women to smother in their sleep" as she made out with Brad after saving him. They had to do that take several times. Is it wrong that I enjoyed how upset Crazy Michelle got? I guess so, I better drink some more wine, then. Michelle continues to say how it's going to be "fireworks" when he kisses her. I'm still hoping it's the lightbulb that says "bitch is crazy", but I don't see that happening, yet. Michelle continues to squeeze the bunny too tightly as we move to the dinner/drinking portion of the evening.
Rooftop, pool, they jump right in. Clothes start coming off. Oh, they have bathing suites. First to steal Brad is Chantal. Good for you, I thought it would be Michelle.
The talk starts off with she's having a hard time, but he understands. Glad he gets it the 2nd go-around. Anyway, she opens up and tells him about her absentee father and then how he passed away before she found him. She cries, he listens intently, tells her she's hot, and they make out.
Speaking of crying, back at the mansion, Emily tells the other girls her story of her daughter, and the fiancee killed in the plane crash. Even Twilight was crying.
Back in the pool, Michelle gloms herself to Brad.
Alli takes her turn and gets alone time. Michelle is appalled by this, according to her, it's HER turn. And you know what's going to stop her? Nothing. That's right. Nothing.
Alli and Brad are talking, and Michelle tiptoes in, and tells Brad "when you are done". So Alli gets the brush off for Crazy Michelle.
Michelle claims she never gets any one on one time. Uh, excuse me, remember the time you had those stupid questions for him? She cries about leaving her daughter. But hey, hot guy, free booze, great trips, who could pass that up? They finally kiss, there weren't any fireworks, nor the lightbulb of "she's crazy" going off. Crazy Michelle will be around for another week.
Brad then goes to get the rose, I'm afraid he's going to give it to Crazy Michelle, but one moment of sanity, he picks Shawntal after she kicked ass today. She's pleased, I'm pleased.
Crazy Michelle continues on about how immature the other girls are, but then refers to sex as "practicing making babies".
Time for Emily's one on one date. Meaghan tells us that Emily is Mother Teresa reincarnated as a smoking hot blond. Brad then takes Emily to a private plane to take them to their date. We get a shot of her shoes. Really? The plane takes them to the wine country in Santa Maria. I'm INSANELY jealous. INSANELY. And we all know this is about the wine for me. Brad then begins to ask Emily questions, and she dodges them. Brad gives up and goes to get his coat. It's now time for dinner and she finally tells him the story of her daughter and dead fiancee. I get some kleenex and more wine. This story is just sad, I can't make fun of this at all. Summary time - she gets the rose. She is quite easy on the eyes, and that can't hurt her chances.
Time to beat a dead horse - it's Brad's 2nd time, he's had therapy. Here is his therapist telling him he has to open up, be vulnerable, and to let someone in. My advice, decide if a person is worth taking a chance on. The only thing you can control is you and your behaviour. Be who you want to be in the relationship, and they'll either hurt you, or they won't. It's up to you do deal with it from there. That doesn't mean you won't get your heart broken, it just means no one has ever died from it.
Now, time to the elimination round, I mean rose ceremony. I find the bow on Alli's dress distracting. Michelle tells the group how "there's no guarantee unless you have a rose to begin with" and follows up with "I'm confident I'll get one".
Brad arrives and the jockeying for one on one time begins. Alli and her bow go first. Their topic "trust" is because her dad cheated on her mom and she had a surprise little sister. They hug, no kiss. Hmmm, not sure if she's getting a rose.
Crazy Michelle then asks him to have him. She tells the camera how it bothers her he's kissing, dating and thinking about other girls. AGAIN, DID YOU NOT WATCH ANY PREVIOUS SHOWS???? This is how it goes. And now, I have a new song pop in my head. Buckcherry's "She's a crazy bitch". He gives her a quick hug and sidesteps her so he can talk to Chantal.
Chantal and Brad discuss how their physical chemistry is ON. And he tells her he appreciated the open discussion they had on the group date. She is getting a rose, for sure.
Then, surprise, surprise, Crazy Michelle steals him. She then tells him they are in a fight, because he's been kissing other girls. He laughs it off, explains this was his plan, and to deal with it. She's still crazy, but he finds it endearing. I think he just can't see past her hotness. Brad, you are going to regret this one.
Twilight then gets her alone time. She gets serious and takes the fangs out. I'm more worried her boobs are going to pop out of her dress. But the double sided tape holds up. She tells him she's not sure she should stay. He talks her into staying, and says if he offers her a rose and she doesn't want to accept it, she should say no. They agree and we move on.
Ashley H. then corners him and goes on with the "if you don't like me" speech. She doesn't want him to be on the fence about her, not even between her and another girl. AGAIN, HELLO, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHOW, THAT'S HOW IT WORKS!" She acts depressed and her insecurities are annoying me. Obviously it doesn't annoy him, and he goes back to kiss her.
Time to get a rose, or hit the road.
Ashley S, Emily and Shawntal have roses.
Brad begins with the 2nd thoughts speech.
He then chooses:
Michelle (song playing again, she's a crazy bitch)
Chantal (Michelle's new arch-rival)
At this point, the 2nd thoughts speech really kicks in for Twilight and she opts to leave. She cries, he hugs her, she cries and hops in the limo.
Lisa (addicted to tanning)
Jackie (she flew under the radar this week)
Ashley H. (perky, turned pouty dentist)
Marissa (sports chick)
Brit (got nothing)
Alli (still don't like the bow)
Lindsey (the teacher, that's all I got)
Meaghan (told us how Emily was mother Theresa)
Stacey (wicked awesome bartender)
Going home are Twilight, Kimberly and Sarah. Kimberly does the "I'm still awesome, F Brad" speech, and Sarah cries. Don't worry, I'm sure there is a mini bar in the limo.
Previews for next week - Date with Chantal, group date on a radio show, Ashley H starting to lose it. Crazy Michelle continues to be crazy. I can't wait to see how she gets the black eye!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The epic battle that no one cares about....
Ah, another week of cat fights, tears, cheese and wine. Lucky for me, I only participate in the cheese and wine part! This week's cheese - tintern, a semi-soft Welsh cheese with chives and shallots. See the end of my blog for the grilled cheese sandwich. And my wine - a nice Petite Syrah. My guilty pleasure. Well deserved after the weekend I had. Wine and cheese makes everything better.
Now, for the show.
First date one on one date goes to Ashley H., the perky dentist. Oh, the other Ashley is perky too, just not right now since she didn't get the date. Brad tells us he has the most amazing night planned for Ashley. At this point, why can't they just say the production assistants set it all up? Ashley comes bounding down the stairs in a cute silver top, paired with a light yellow tu-tu looking skirt. Love the top, hate the skirt.
They arrive at their destination, which appears to be a dark, deserted road where he will kill her and dump her body. Oh wait, actually it's a carnival! And is it just me, or does anyone else find a deserted carnival a little creepy as well?
The run through the carnival and play games and ride rides. Good thing they held off on giving them booze until after the rides.
Back at the mansion, the girls bemoan their current lack of dates with Brad, but not lack of boobs. Group date card arrives. 8 girls are named, and Raichel is one of them and she whines about how big the group is. And wait! We aren't done. And the grand total comes to 15! I rub my hands together gleefully as I am sure this group date will contain drama, trust me it did not disappoint. Crazy Michelle then announces it's her birthday. This will be a repetitive theme throughout the date. Trust me.
Back at the creepy carnival of 2 people, Brad and Ashley take pictures and then make out. Finally it's dinner, drinking and discussing time. Is it just me, or is the Ashley's favorite word "okay" as much as the other Ashley likes "like". Likes like. HA HA. I crack myself up.
Anyway.... she then tells him her father is not part of her life, and he tells him about her dad. I'm actually very proud of Brad for opening up. They bond, it's kind of sweet. She gets the rose. They ride the Ferris wheel and make out.
We now move on to the drama of the group date. Oh the potential for meltdowns, drama and snippy remarks. The date is filming a PSA for giving blood. I figure it will star Twilight/Madison. Was anyone else disappointed she barely made the footage, even though her costume was a skin-tight black leather outfit? My theory - except for those fangs of hers, she must be really boring.
Back to the PSA, they have them do spoofs of telenovelas. Stacey gets to kiss him first. And then Emily does as they "fight" over him. They have to do the scene over and over. And Stacey continues to stick her tongue down Brad's throat as the other girls watch in horror. Uh, you know what you signed up for, right? At this point Melissa is the first one to let the wheels come off the bus, and busts into the scene and kisses Brad too. Not the right move.
Keltie pouts because she is dressed as a "butch". Yeah, the lumberjack look is not really be-fitting of the Rockettes dancer, which totally makes me giggle. I know, I'm a terrible person. No worries, I have wine to console myself.
And now to the birthday girl, Michelle. Wait, there's a birthday? I didn't realize that, I mean, she only told us 500 times. She spends the group date pouting about what a bummer her 30th birthday is being on a group date. Look, here's the funny things about birthdays, they tend to occur on the SAME DAY EVERY YEAR. As well, MOST people are aware of when it's coming up. So, next time, check your calendar and don't sign up for reality shows and plan your own f'n birthday party just like I do. They finally wrap up this shoot, I grab some more wine. And my potato soup is finally done. Damn, I can cook.
Crazy Michelle continues to whine. Brit shocks everyone in her 3-way scene by acting like she's a porn star, and Keltie continues to look butch. Michelle's, poor pitiful me routine works. But then again, the girl is hot. Her earrings are HUGE. She says kissing him will cause fireworks to go off. I'm hoping it's a light bulb in Brad's head alerting him she's crazy.
Anyway, the party moves to the Roosevelt club in LA. They get the rooftop. Not sure that crazy girls, booze, and a rooftop are a great idea.
Michelle continues to talk about her birthday. Someone shove some cake in that piehole of hers. And the drama unfolds. Melissa claims if she doesn't get any one on one time and feel the connection, she's leaving. She gets her one on one time, and doesn't leave! She tries to explain why she jumped in the scene, and says she's not crazy. I'm shocked she doesn't leave, almost as shocked as I am that my damn wine glass is empty again. Garcon! Oh, crap, I'm at home. BRB.
Crazy Michelle talks about how all the girls are trying to get up on her man. Once again, you saw the previous shows, right????? And I hate her necklace.
Now this is were it gets weird, or junior high-ish, take your pick. Raichel and Marissa corner Melissa to ask her if she told Brad she was considering leaving. Well, of course she didn't, because she DID get her one on one. Raichel pounces on that and calls her a liar. Both of them then plan on out all the cool insults they are going to write in every one's slam books. Melissa cries and Raichel stomps off. Chantal has watched the show and knows that all she has to do is sit back and wait. Those two will cancel each other out.
Jackie gets the next one on one date. The rest of the girls contemplate clawing her eyes out.
Now time for the group date rose, and Brad gives it to................. the birthday girl, and says she deserves it. Is it just me, or is Brad quick to give out those roses early in the date? Michelle is smug and the other girls are pissed. Hmm, where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, every other episode.
The date ends and the girls return to the house. Raichel goes on facebook and posts "OMG, Melissa is a liar, because she lied by OMISSION". Oh snap. Melissa responds with "I quit my job for this, and I'm really a nice girl". Melissa - life lesson #1 - never quit your job for a man.
Jackie gets her one on one date. They hit a spa at a ritzy hotel in Beverly Hills. He then takes her to a huge hotel room and it's filled with evening dresses. Talk about jealous, and yes, I mean me! And likely every other woman in the world. She gets her hair and make up done, and then from the looks of it, picks the worst dress of the bunch. Sigh. And girl, WHAT did they do to your hair? Anyway, they head to their date, at the Hollywood Bowl. Train is the entertainment. Glad I'm not on that date. I'm just not a Train fan. Sorry.
But before that, they have dinner, and she has a few concerns, and he's worried she's closed off. He gives her the rose anyway. They dance and make out.
So the cocktail party begins. YES! Booze and more drama. Let me refill as well. First thing, Crazy Michelle (who already has a rose) steals Brad away for some alone time and 2 important questions. Starbucks or the Coffee Bean? And what is always in your refrigerator? I scream Starbucks and BEER! Oh wait, she's not asking me. Really, are these your deal breakers? You have got to be kidding me. One, you have a rose and now all the girls are pissed at you. Two, you have a chance to ask him important questions and you need to know where the man gets his coffee and what is in his f'n fridge? My deal-breakers are smoking and they have to like animals. For Crazy Michelle, it's where to get latte, and apparently always having eggs. Wow. They both agree on Starbucks and eggs. A match made in heaven. Insert your own eye roll here.
I'm distracted by the thing on Keltie's head. Michelle tells a few of the girls her "important" questions. Emily thought she was kidding. Emily tells us she doesn't care where he gets his coffee. Emily continues to climb to the top of the list.
And now the epic battle that only Melissa and Raichel care about continues. Melissa tells Raichel she's rude and fake. Lindsay wants to crawl under the couch. Raichel tells Melissa to go away, and Melissa won't. So Raichel gives her the talk to the hand and says "I will not have you obstruct the rest of my life". Really? Do you have a sister in junior that gave you that line?
Once again, I get distracted by the thing on Keltie's head. The drama continues as Raichel tells the other girls what a bitch Melissa is. Ashley S. tries to to talk some sense into both of them. She actually sounded smart for a moment.
Melissa continues to cry. No one really cares. Raichel then brings religion into it. She says Jesus loves HER and she will stay because the Lord knows better. Seriously??? I think God has way better things to do than worry about who stays on a reality TV show.
Melissa tries to explain it to Brad, burying herself further. She tells him that Raichel is targeting her and calls her an "energy suck". Brad looks perplexed, but holds it in, and mentally targets her for the limo ride to the airport.
Brad then seeks out Raichel and she cries and tells him how horrible it has been, and how she's not normally like this. Brad hugs her, and puts an X on her too.
Then her comes Chris Harrison with a suprise. Roberto and Alli are here! WOOOOHOOO. (that was the girls in the house, not me)
Alli has finally lost those bad hair extensions.
They start "interviewing the girls" and we find out it's Michelle's birthday. Really? Like we didn't hear you the first 500 times!
Keltie gets her turn. Now I am not just distracted by the thing on her head, those feather earrings are troublesome for me too.
The epic battle that no one cares about continues. Melissa then gets her turn with Alli and Roberto and thinks that she will understand her plight. Melissa tells Alli she is just "that girl in the house that has been targeted this week". Melissa, Melissa, did you NOT watch Jake's show. You basically just said you were Vienna. Hey, speaking of Vienna, I bet she can get you a job at Hooter's after you get sent home. Roberto and Alli ask Chantal for the lowdown on the epic battle, and she lets them in on a secret we already know - both girls are idiots. Which I am sure they relay to Brad. They have the "power of the rose". They give the rose to Emily. And she continues to move up every one's list.
Rose ceremony time. Dentist Ashley, Michelle, Jackie and Emily already have roses. 3 girls are going home.
He chooses:
Chantal O. - not last this time
Sarah - Last week she knew her name, this week it's "Christmas"
Allie - self proclaimed J-Lo booty
Kimberly - blond (that's all I got)
Shawntel - Funeral director
Stacey - wicked awesome
Ashley S. - the new Tenley
Madison - Fangs, but boring
Lisa - step away from the tanning booth
Marissa - sports chick
Meaghan - self-proclaimed fashionista
Lindsey - the teacher from Dallas
Brit - I'm shy but I acted like a porn star today.
Going home, Keltie and her thing on head, and the 2 drama queens, Raichel and Melissa. Then Keltie tells us she is awkward and maybe she's just meant to be alone. Oh, I actually feel bad for her. Keltie, I'm sure there is some goofball of a guy out there for you. Then she loses me by claiming the show is her last ditch effort. Honey, we've all tried everything, you just have to get back up on the horse.
Melissa feels that the other girls pushed her over the edge. No, you went jumping off that cliff yourself.
Raichel and her huge ta-tas make it outside. They deserve better. I mean she does.
Previews for next week - more Crazy Michelle. Ashley/Tenley and Emily's story. And someone wants to go home.
Then the extra footage shows Keltie trying to rap. Please don't EVER do that again.
Now, for the kick ass grilled cheese sandwich. Use Tintern, a semi-soft welsh cheese. I also mixed a little softened butter and olive oil w/Italian seasoning and brushed on the outside of the bread. Then grill w/the flat plates. OMG. Best grilled cheese ever.
Now, for the show.
First date one on one date goes to Ashley H., the perky dentist. Oh, the other Ashley is perky too, just not right now since she didn't get the date. Brad tells us he has the most amazing night planned for Ashley. At this point, why can't they just say the production assistants set it all up? Ashley comes bounding down the stairs in a cute silver top, paired with a light yellow tu-tu looking skirt. Love the top, hate the skirt.
They arrive at their destination, which appears to be a dark, deserted road where he will kill her and dump her body. Oh wait, actually it's a carnival! And is it just me, or does anyone else find a deserted carnival a little creepy as well?
The run through the carnival and play games and ride rides. Good thing they held off on giving them booze until after the rides.
Back at the mansion, the girls bemoan their current lack of dates with Brad, but not lack of boobs. Group date card arrives. 8 girls are named, and Raichel is one of them and she whines about how big the group is. And wait! We aren't done. And the grand total comes to 15! I rub my hands together gleefully as I am sure this group date will contain drama, trust me it did not disappoint. Crazy Michelle then announces it's her birthday. This will be a repetitive theme throughout the date. Trust me.
Back at the creepy carnival of 2 people, Brad and Ashley take pictures and then make out. Finally it's dinner, drinking and discussing time. Is it just me, or is the Ashley's favorite word "okay" as much as the other Ashley likes "like". Likes like. HA HA. I crack myself up.
Anyway.... she then tells him her father is not part of her life, and he tells him about her dad. I'm actually very proud of Brad for opening up. They bond, it's kind of sweet. She gets the rose. They ride the Ferris wheel and make out.
We now move on to the drama of the group date. Oh the potential for meltdowns, drama and snippy remarks. The date is filming a PSA for giving blood. I figure it will star Twilight/Madison. Was anyone else disappointed she barely made the footage, even though her costume was a skin-tight black leather outfit? My theory - except for those fangs of hers, she must be really boring.
Back to the PSA, they have them do spoofs of telenovelas. Stacey gets to kiss him first. And then Emily does as they "fight" over him. They have to do the scene over and over. And Stacey continues to stick her tongue down Brad's throat as the other girls watch in horror. Uh, you know what you signed up for, right? At this point Melissa is the first one to let the wheels come off the bus, and busts into the scene and kisses Brad too. Not the right move.
Keltie pouts because she is dressed as a "butch". Yeah, the lumberjack look is not really be-fitting of the Rockettes dancer, which totally makes me giggle. I know, I'm a terrible person. No worries, I have wine to console myself.
And now to the birthday girl, Michelle. Wait, there's a birthday? I didn't realize that, I mean, she only told us 500 times. She spends the group date pouting about what a bummer her 30th birthday is being on a group date. Look, here's the funny things about birthdays, they tend to occur on the SAME DAY EVERY YEAR. As well, MOST people are aware of when it's coming up. So, next time, check your calendar and don't sign up for reality shows and plan your own f'n birthday party just like I do. They finally wrap up this shoot, I grab some more wine. And my potato soup is finally done. Damn, I can cook.
Crazy Michelle continues to whine. Brit shocks everyone in her 3-way scene by acting like she's a porn star, and Keltie continues to look butch. Michelle's, poor pitiful me routine works. But then again, the girl is hot. Her earrings are HUGE. She says kissing him will cause fireworks to go off. I'm hoping it's a light bulb in Brad's head alerting him she's crazy.
Anyway, the party moves to the Roosevelt club in LA. They get the rooftop. Not sure that crazy girls, booze, and a rooftop are a great idea.
Michelle continues to talk about her birthday. Someone shove some cake in that piehole of hers. And the drama unfolds. Melissa claims if she doesn't get any one on one time and feel the connection, she's leaving. She gets her one on one time, and doesn't leave! She tries to explain why she jumped in the scene, and says she's not crazy. I'm shocked she doesn't leave, almost as shocked as I am that my damn wine glass is empty again. Garcon! Oh, crap, I'm at home. BRB.
Crazy Michelle talks about how all the girls are trying to get up on her man. Once again, you saw the previous shows, right????? And I hate her necklace.
Now this is were it gets weird, or junior high-ish, take your pick. Raichel and Marissa corner Melissa to ask her if she told Brad she was considering leaving. Well, of course she didn't, because she DID get her one on one. Raichel pounces on that and calls her a liar. Both of them then plan on out all the cool insults they are going to write in every one's slam books. Melissa cries and Raichel stomps off. Chantal has watched the show and knows that all she has to do is sit back and wait. Those two will cancel each other out.
Jackie gets the next one on one date. The rest of the girls contemplate clawing her eyes out.
Now time for the group date rose, and Brad gives it to................. the birthday girl, and says she deserves it. Is it just me, or is Brad quick to give out those roses early in the date? Michelle is smug and the other girls are pissed. Hmm, where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, every other episode.
The date ends and the girls return to the house. Raichel goes on facebook and posts "OMG, Melissa is a liar, because she lied by OMISSION". Oh snap. Melissa responds with "I quit my job for this, and I'm really a nice girl". Melissa - life lesson #1 - never quit your job for a man.
Jackie gets her one on one date. They hit a spa at a ritzy hotel in Beverly Hills. He then takes her to a huge hotel room and it's filled with evening dresses. Talk about jealous, and yes, I mean me! And likely every other woman in the world. She gets her hair and make up done, and then from the looks of it, picks the worst dress of the bunch. Sigh. And girl, WHAT did they do to your hair? Anyway, they head to their date, at the Hollywood Bowl. Train is the entertainment. Glad I'm not on that date. I'm just not a Train fan. Sorry.
But before that, they have dinner, and she has a few concerns, and he's worried she's closed off. He gives her the rose anyway. They dance and make out.
So the cocktail party begins. YES! Booze and more drama. Let me refill as well. First thing, Crazy Michelle (who already has a rose) steals Brad away for some alone time and 2 important questions. Starbucks or the Coffee Bean? And what is always in your refrigerator? I scream Starbucks and BEER! Oh wait, she's not asking me. Really, are these your deal breakers? You have got to be kidding me. One, you have a rose and now all the girls are pissed at you. Two, you have a chance to ask him important questions and you need to know where the man gets his coffee and what is in his f'n fridge? My deal-breakers are smoking and they have to like animals. For Crazy Michelle, it's where to get latte, and apparently always having eggs. Wow. They both agree on Starbucks and eggs. A match made in heaven. Insert your own eye roll here.
I'm distracted by the thing on Keltie's head. Michelle tells a few of the girls her "important" questions. Emily thought she was kidding. Emily tells us she doesn't care where he gets his coffee. Emily continues to climb to the top of the list.
And now the epic battle that only Melissa and Raichel care about continues. Melissa tells Raichel she's rude and fake. Lindsay wants to crawl under the couch. Raichel tells Melissa to go away, and Melissa won't. So Raichel gives her the talk to the hand and says "I will not have you obstruct the rest of my life". Really? Do you have a sister in junior that gave you that line?
Once again, I get distracted by the thing on Keltie's head. The drama continues as Raichel tells the other girls what a bitch Melissa is. Ashley S. tries to to talk some sense into both of them. She actually sounded smart for a moment.
Melissa continues to cry. No one really cares. Raichel then brings religion into it. She says Jesus loves HER and she will stay because the Lord knows better. Seriously??? I think God has way better things to do than worry about who stays on a reality TV show.
Melissa tries to explain it to Brad, burying herself further. She tells him that Raichel is targeting her and calls her an "energy suck". Brad looks perplexed, but holds it in, and mentally targets her for the limo ride to the airport.
Brad then seeks out Raichel and she cries and tells him how horrible it has been, and how she's not normally like this. Brad hugs her, and puts an X on her too.
Then her comes Chris Harrison with a suprise. Roberto and Alli are here! WOOOOHOOO. (that was the girls in the house, not me)
Alli has finally lost those bad hair extensions.
They start "interviewing the girls" and we find out it's Michelle's birthday. Really? Like we didn't hear you the first 500 times!
Keltie gets her turn. Now I am not just distracted by the thing on her head, those feather earrings are troublesome for me too.
The epic battle that no one cares about continues. Melissa then gets her turn with Alli and Roberto and thinks that she will understand her plight. Melissa tells Alli she is just "that girl in the house that has been targeted this week". Melissa, Melissa, did you NOT watch Jake's show. You basically just said you were Vienna. Hey, speaking of Vienna, I bet she can get you a job at Hooter's after you get sent home. Roberto and Alli ask Chantal for the lowdown on the epic battle, and she lets them in on a secret we already know - both girls are idiots. Which I am sure they relay to Brad. They have the "power of the rose". They give the rose to Emily. And she continues to move up every one's list.
Rose ceremony time. Dentist Ashley, Michelle, Jackie and Emily already have roses. 3 girls are going home.
He chooses:
Chantal O. - not last this time
Sarah - Last week she knew her name, this week it's "Christmas"
Allie - self proclaimed J-Lo booty
Kimberly - blond (that's all I got)
Shawntel - Funeral director
Stacey - wicked awesome
Ashley S. - the new Tenley
Madison - Fangs, but boring
Lisa - step away from the tanning booth
Marissa - sports chick
Meaghan - self-proclaimed fashionista
Lindsey - the teacher from Dallas
Brit - I'm shy but I acted like a porn star today.
Going home, Keltie and her thing on head, and the 2 drama queens, Raichel and Melissa. Then Keltie tells us she is awkward and maybe she's just meant to be alone. Oh, I actually feel bad for her. Keltie, I'm sure there is some goofball of a guy out there for you. Then she loses me by claiming the show is her last ditch effort. Honey, we've all tried everything, you just have to get back up on the horse.
Melissa feels that the other girls pushed her over the edge. No, you went jumping off that cliff yourself.
Raichel and her huge ta-tas make it outside. They deserve better. I mean she does.
Previews for next week - more Crazy Michelle. Ashley/Tenley and Emily's story. And someone wants to go home.
Then the extra footage shows Keltie trying to rap. Please don't EVER do that again.
Now, for the kick ass grilled cheese sandwich. Use Tintern, a semi-soft welsh cheese. I also mixed a little softened butter and olive oil w/Italian seasoning and brushed on the outside of the bread. Then grill w/the flat plates. OMG. Best grilled cheese ever.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The Return of The Bachelor and Brad
Welcome back! More wine, cheese and Bachelor.
First up cheese. Ah cheese. How I love you, let me count the ways. Today, it's 3, since I'm using a 3 cheese blend for my panini. Grated asiago, fontina and manchego. Add prosciutto, avocado, put in ciabatta bread and grill.
Wine - cabernet sauvingon - Slydog cellars. I'm happy.
Now from the good stuff, to the better stuff. The Bachelor Recap.
We begin with the reminders of Brad's previous stint as the Bachelor 3 years ago. We all know, he dumped both girls. Since then, he has had therapy. He has daddy issues, trust issues and commitment issues. Well, had. He's cured, and ready for love. And we see plenty of shots of him without his shirt on. My feelings are NOT hurt over that!
Now time for a preview of some of the AMAZING women he will meet. I think amazing is Chris Harrison's favorite word.
Ashley H., the dancing dentist. Shawntel, the funeral director. Ashley S., southern girl living in New York, Chantal, appears to work her butt off and is divorced. And has a fluffball of a dog.
A new crazy Michelle - she's not there to make friends. Then Raichel, the manscaper, who seems to get way too much joy out of waxing men. Meghan who works in fashion, yet is wearing an ugly necklace. Madison, the model with fangs - enough said. Emily - sweet girl, sad story, sniff, sniff, pass the kleenex.
But before we can let the re-hash of his previous season die, let's bring out.... yep. DeAnna and Jenni. Well, that was uncomfortable. And how nice, both of them are so happy and in love. Jenni wins the shorter skirt contest, and DeAnna wins the most make-up contest. And after DeAnna takes the sanctimonious, well, bitch road, I find her annoying. Look, we've all been dumped before, and we all get pissed about it, but it happens. At this point, Brad and I are both glad he dumped her.
Now, seriously, enough about his therapy, previous show and DeAnna. Bring out the new set of crazies! I mean, lovely women.
Chantal O. - She slaps him. Well, that will get you remembered. (spoiler alert - he gets payback by picking her LAST at the rose ceremony)
Kimberly - blond who begins with the commitment questions.
Alli - Tells him America hates him, but she doesn't. Look, Alli, just remain focused on not popping out of your dress.
Ashley S. - The Southern Bell as a nanny in New York City. Hmm, do I smell an aspiring actress??? She also grabs his ass. Well, then.
Meghan - ridiculous pink shoes. He likes them. I hate them.
Marissa - She tells him she works, lives, breaths, follows, tracks and dreams sports. He says he loves her all ready. Note to self. That line could work for me. File for future use.
Lindsay - Teacher from Dallas.
Ashley H, the dancing dentist. I think she took a hit of the laughing gas before she left, a bit too bubbly for me.
Raichel - The manscaper. We met her earlier. She weirds me out.
Madison - Wow. Just wow. Fangs, really? You are know known as Twilight. As in the vampire series, or the Twilight Zone. Take your pick.
Melissa - Runs and leaps into his arms. I suspect she worked at the same Hooter's with Vienna.
Renee - A nanny from Chicago. Her Betty Boop voice is annoying. Please send her home, I can't listen to her.
Christy - The only one he doesn't hug - doesn't look good for her rose chances.
Jackie - An artist from New York. She asks for a pinky swear that he won't break her heart.
Sarah P. - She tells him to get down on his knee and tells him to ask her to marry him. Boo.
Lacey - Asks him if he was here for the right reason. That didn't go over well, if you ask me.
Lauren - A high school teacher. The bow on her dress reminds me of a Christmas present.
Lisa P. - Has on a bubble dress. Am I the only one who dislikes those dresses?
Shawntal - The undertaker.
Britnee waves her hand out of the window for him to come to her. That would work if she was smokin' hot. Sadly, she's not.
Stacey - Bartender from Boston. I think he likes her.
Jill - Tall girl from Texas.
Lisa M. - She's from Kansas, and has on red Dorothy shoes. She's from Kansas, and has on.. Yes, we get it.
Rebecca - What the hell is an esthietician? I google it. She gives facials. Okay. She gives him the "grandma told me, you have to kiss a lot of frogs" line and kisses him. I don't think that one is going to work either.
J - Uh, K? Oh, and it's her birthday.
Keltie - A Rockettes Dancer. Let's hope she's not like Roz and goes commando. I dislike her.
Sarah L. - Tells him she can't snap. Oh, snap.
Emily - Sniff, sniff. This season's Stephanie. But seems sweet and sincere, and I'm sure most guys will agree, easy on the eyes.
Britt - A chef. She brought him some food - we don't get to see what it is.
Crazy Michelle. She's thrilled to see him.
So the party begins, and instead of the usual drunken fest and "what are you looking for in a soulmate", every girl begins to panic, WHAT IF HE GETS TO THE END AND DUMPS BOTH GIRLS AGAIN. Look, ladies, it's like being on the first date with a guy and saying "Can you see yourself married to me". IT'S TOO SOON. You just met him, and use logic here. Why would he want to do the show a 2nd time if he wasn't looking for a different outcome?
Finally Brad calls everyone together and tells them he has had his therapy, and this is for real, and if you don't believe him, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. (Which later we find out Alli has the best chance of a door hitting her ass when she points out her caboose)
Back on topic, no one leaves. I mean, the man is hot. Would I leave? Would you? Nope. Well, unless you are a dude, but then we are going to assume you weren't there anyway.
So Brad clears that up, and yet are several still panicking. At this point, I down another glass of wine and long for the return of the pointless questions and answers of "What are you looking for in a soulmate" and the answer "I want someone who likes to travels and REALLY gets me. I mean REALLY". The commitment questions continue. I drink more wine.
Now, it's Ashley S and her like, like, like, like, like, like, like. She like wants to be his friend first. And from that, she gets the first impression rose. Really? She might be the new Tenley. Barf.
Raichel then waxes his wrists. Then they have a discussion about manscaping. And at that point, we get the quote of the night "We like to call it the undercarriage." And now I don't know if I ever can hear the words bat wings again without giggling.
Jackie sings for him. She shouldn't have. Not sure what I hate the most, her singing, her made up song, or her laugh.
Alli talks about her J. Lo booty and says she was once dumped for too much junk in the trunk. I'm not sure I'd use that for my opening line, but (spoiler alert) it apparently worked, as he gives her a rose.
Poor Renee, she tries to get alone time with him 3 times and he gets taken after :30. Look, if he doesn't tell the other girl, wait a few minutes, well...... Hmm. What's that saying I'm looking for - oh yeah, he's just not that into you. Don't worry, it happens to all of us at some point.
Stacey is the last one to steal him from Renee. But she's wicked sorry. So, I guess that makes it okay.
Emily gets her alone time, which no one interrupts. She's a coal miner daughter from West Virginia.
Brad has a conversation with Madison/Twilight. He's a little weirded about the teeth. She plays coy if the teeth are real or not. He calls her out on if she's serious or not. She insists she is. Then he tells her the fangs are really hot. WHAT?
Michelle gets a few minutes with him, but unlike the Original Crazy Michelle, she keeps the crazy under control in front of Brad.
Brad then gives the first impression rose to Ashley S. - I bet she says "like".
Ding ding. Chris Harrison says it's time and leads Brad back to the "contemplation" room. Where he decides who gets a rose and who gets a box of kleenex and a limo ride back to the airport.
He picks:
Michelle - YES! Crazy Michelle lives on.
Kimberly - Very pretty blond.
Madison/Twilight - seriously?
Emily - I put her down as a frontrunner.
Raichel - Guess he likes hot wax.
Keltie - She acts like a 7 year old girl. Sigh, another new Tenley.
Ashley H. - the giggly dentist.
Meghan - Ridiculous pink shoes.
Lisa M.- Ridiculous red shoes.
Lindsey - Seems normal, she goes on the frontrunner list.
Alli - Baby got back! Hey, she started it.
Sarah P. - She announces "that's me". Well, glad you know your name.
Marissa - Sports chick.
Britt - The chef.
Stacey - Wicked bartender.
Shawntal N. - That's one yellow dress.
Jackie - Hey, another yellow dress. Maybe he color coded his picks.
Michelle - Everyone needs a Hooter's girl.
Chantal O. - The girl who slapped him.
All roses have been given out. It's time for fake hugs, kleenex, awkward good-byes and tears.
The group toasts to the upcoming season, and we are treated to previews. Oh, yes, bring on the cat fights, hot tubs, booze, craziness and beautiful locations. And I believe AMAZING is the word for the season.
First up cheese. Ah cheese. How I love you, let me count the ways. Today, it's 3, since I'm using a 3 cheese blend for my panini. Grated asiago, fontina and manchego. Add prosciutto, avocado, put in ciabatta bread and grill.
Wine - cabernet sauvingon - Slydog cellars. I'm happy.
Now from the good stuff, to the better stuff. The Bachelor Recap.
We begin with the reminders of Brad's previous stint as the Bachelor 3 years ago. We all know, he dumped both girls. Since then, he has had therapy. He has daddy issues, trust issues and commitment issues. Well, had. He's cured, and ready for love. And we see plenty of shots of him without his shirt on. My feelings are NOT hurt over that!
Now time for a preview of some of the AMAZING women he will meet. I think amazing is Chris Harrison's favorite word.
Ashley H., the dancing dentist. Shawntel, the funeral director. Ashley S., southern girl living in New York, Chantal, appears to work her butt off and is divorced. And has a fluffball of a dog.
A new crazy Michelle - she's not there to make friends. Then Raichel, the manscaper, who seems to get way too much joy out of waxing men. Meghan who works in fashion, yet is wearing an ugly necklace. Madison, the model with fangs - enough said. Emily - sweet girl, sad story, sniff, sniff, pass the kleenex.
But before we can let the re-hash of his previous season die, let's bring out.... yep. DeAnna and Jenni. Well, that was uncomfortable. And how nice, both of them are so happy and in love. Jenni wins the shorter skirt contest, and DeAnna wins the most make-up contest. And after DeAnna takes the sanctimonious, well, bitch road, I find her annoying. Look, we've all been dumped before, and we all get pissed about it, but it happens. At this point, Brad and I are both glad he dumped her.
Now, seriously, enough about his therapy, previous show and DeAnna. Bring out the new set of crazies! I mean, lovely women.
Chantal O. - She slaps him. Well, that will get you remembered. (spoiler alert - he gets payback by picking her LAST at the rose ceremony)
Kimberly - blond who begins with the commitment questions.
Alli - Tells him America hates him, but she doesn't. Look, Alli, just remain focused on not popping out of your dress.
Ashley S. - The Southern Bell as a nanny in New York City. Hmm, do I smell an aspiring actress??? She also grabs his ass. Well, then.
Meghan - ridiculous pink shoes. He likes them. I hate them.
Marissa - She tells him she works, lives, breaths, follows, tracks and dreams sports. He says he loves her all ready. Note to self. That line could work for me. File for future use.
Lindsay - Teacher from Dallas.
Ashley H, the dancing dentist. I think she took a hit of the laughing gas before she left, a bit too bubbly for me.
Raichel - The manscaper. We met her earlier. She weirds me out.
Madison - Wow. Just wow. Fangs, really? You are know known as Twilight. As in the vampire series, or the Twilight Zone. Take your pick.
Melissa - Runs and leaps into his arms. I suspect she worked at the same Hooter's with Vienna.
Renee - A nanny from Chicago. Her Betty Boop voice is annoying. Please send her home, I can't listen to her.
Christy - The only one he doesn't hug - doesn't look good for her rose chances.
Jackie - An artist from New York. She asks for a pinky swear that he won't break her heart.
Sarah P. - She tells him to get down on his knee and tells him to ask her to marry him. Boo.
Lacey - Asks him if he was here for the right reason. That didn't go over well, if you ask me.
Lauren - A high school teacher. The bow on her dress reminds me of a Christmas present.
Lisa P. - Has on a bubble dress. Am I the only one who dislikes those dresses?
Shawntal - The undertaker.
Britnee waves her hand out of the window for him to come to her. That would work if she was smokin' hot. Sadly, she's not.
Stacey - Bartender from Boston. I think he likes her.
Jill - Tall girl from Texas.
Lisa M. - She's from Kansas, and has on red Dorothy shoes. She's from Kansas, and has on.. Yes, we get it.
Rebecca - What the hell is an esthietician? I google it. She gives facials. Okay. She gives him the "grandma told me, you have to kiss a lot of frogs" line and kisses him. I don't think that one is going to work either.
J - Uh, K? Oh, and it's her birthday.
Keltie - A Rockettes Dancer. Let's hope she's not like Roz and goes commando. I dislike her.
Sarah L. - Tells him she can't snap. Oh, snap.
Emily - Sniff, sniff. This season's Stephanie. But seems sweet and sincere, and I'm sure most guys will agree, easy on the eyes.
Britt - A chef. She brought him some food - we don't get to see what it is.
Crazy Michelle. She's thrilled to see him.
So the party begins, and instead of the usual drunken fest and "what are you looking for in a soulmate", every girl begins to panic, WHAT IF HE GETS TO THE END AND DUMPS BOTH GIRLS AGAIN. Look, ladies, it's like being on the first date with a guy and saying "Can you see yourself married to me". IT'S TOO SOON. You just met him, and use logic here. Why would he want to do the show a 2nd time if he wasn't looking for a different outcome?
Finally Brad calls everyone together and tells them he has had his therapy, and this is for real, and if you don't believe him, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. (Which later we find out Alli has the best chance of a door hitting her ass when she points out her caboose)
Back on topic, no one leaves. I mean, the man is hot. Would I leave? Would you? Nope. Well, unless you are a dude, but then we are going to assume you weren't there anyway.
So Brad clears that up, and yet are several still panicking. At this point, I down another glass of wine and long for the return of the pointless questions and answers of "What are you looking for in a soulmate" and the answer "I want someone who likes to travels and REALLY gets me. I mean REALLY". The commitment questions continue. I drink more wine.
Now, it's Ashley S and her like, like, like, like, like, like, like. She like wants to be his friend first. And from that, she gets the first impression rose. Really? She might be the new Tenley. Barf.
Raichel then waxes his wrists. Then they have a discussion about manscaping. And at that point, we get the quote of the night "We like to call it the undercarriage." And now I don't know if I ever can hear the words bat wings again without giggling.
Jackie sings for him. She shouldn't have. Not sure what I hate the most, her singing, her made up song, or her laugh.
Alli talks about her J. Lo booty and says she was once dumped for too much junk in the trunk. I'm not sure I'd use that for my opening line, but (spoiler alert) it apparently worked, as he gives her a rose.
Poor Renee, she tries to get alone time with him 3 times and he gets taken after :30. Look, if he doesn't tell the other girl, wait a few minutes, well...... Hmm. What's that saying I'm looking for - oh yeah, he's just not that into you. Don't worry, it happens to all of us at some point.
Stacey is the last one to steal him from Renee. But she's wicked sorry. So, I guess that makes it okay.
Emily gets her alone time, which no one interrupts. She's a coal miner daughter from West Virginia.
Brad has a conversation with Madison/Twilight. He's a little weirded about the teeth. She plays coy if the teeth are real or not. He calls her out on if she's serious or not. She insists she is. Then he tells her the fangs are really hot. WHAT?
Michelle gets a few minutes with him, but unlike the Original Crazy Michelle, she keeps the crazy under control in front of Brad.
Brad then gives the first impression rose to Ashley S. - I bet she says "like".
Ding ding. Chris Harrison says it's time and leads Brad back to the "contemplation" room. Where he decides who gets a rose and who gets a box of kleenex and a limo ride back to the airport.
He picks:
Michelle - YES! Crazy Michelle lives on.
Kimberly - Very pretty blond.
Madison/Twilight - seriously?
Emily - I put her down as a frontrunner.
Raichel - Guess he likes hot wax.
Keltie - She acts like a 7 year old girl. Sigh, another new Tenley.
Ashley H. - the giggly dentist.
Meghan - Ridiculous pink shoes.
Lisa M.- Ridiculous red shoes.
Lindsey - Seems normal, she goes on the frontrunner list.
Alli - Baby got back! Hey, she started it.
Sarah P. - She announces "that's me". Well, glad you know your name.
Marissa - Sports chick.
Britt - The chef.
Stacey - Wicked bartender.
Shawntal N. - That's one yellow dress.
Jackie - Hey, another yellow dress. Maybe he color coded his picks.
Michelle - Everyone needs a Hooter's girl.
Chantal O. - The girl who slapped him.
All roses have been given out. It's time for fake hugs, kleenex, awkward good-byes and tears.
The group toasts to the upcoming season, and we are treated to previews. Oh, yes, bring on the cat fights, hot tubs, booze, craziness and beautiful locations. And I believe AMAZING is the word for the season.
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