Frank drops a bomb

First up - the Cheese. Mobay is really strong. I tried putting it with grilled chicken. WAAAAY to strong for chicken. However, is good for a cheese plate, especially paired against a milder cheese, like Leerdamer.

The wine - Pinot Blanc. Dry white wine. If you don't like fruity or sweet wine, this one is for you. I bet THE CRAIG would drink it, but not the weatherman. There, that should explain it.

Now, on to The Bachelorette. The opening previews Chris and Roberto falling in love with Ali. Frank, waxing poetic and talking about "what the heart wants" like Woody Allen. Except not in that creepy adopted child sort of way.

First preview, Cape Code Chris. He wasn't ready for love, but you bet your ass he is now! He is so connected to her! He was one of 25, and told her she was "wicked awesome", gave her bracelet, she met his family, rolled in the grass with him. and he is ready to open up more, but he is stressed. What if she picks another guy??? Hello, that's the process here.....

Now, Dinero time. I mean, Roberto. Montage of them making out. And her again holding the bat. PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER. Okay, back on track. Roberto is feeling it. Not sure why... I think he can do bettter. But no one ever asks me!

Last, preview is Frank. He starts with their "connection" that very few people have. It's everything he wants, EXCEPT, guess f'n what. He's still in love with an ex-girlfriend. And falling in love with Ali, makes him realize that he might be in love with the ex, Nicole. Wow, now how the hell do you tell that to the ex? Hey, I want you back, because I WAS falling in love with someone else, so it made me love you more? I mean, maybe this girl doesn't have such an annoying laugh..... or doesn't wear yellow all the time. Oops. Frank continues his Woody Allen justification and blabs on and on. Personally, I wonder if I can teach my dogs how to refill my wine glass.

Then Frank is in Chicago. Goes to find the ex-girlfriend, Nicole, just in case he's still in love with her. Hmm, Who called ahead and told her they were coming? Because, one, that was a really clean apartment, two, she didn't seem that surprised to see him. And oh, no she didn't, she's wearing Ali's signature color. And what is her necklace made of?

So Frank tells her how awesome Ali is. Hey, Frank, telling your ex-girlfriend how great the new girlfriend isn't the best route. He blathers on about his feelings. She sits there and I wonder if she is mute. Nope.

Nicole - I am not complete without you.

Me - Sigh, she's as stupid as he is.

They stare at each other, and the music starts. Personally, I was expecting the Bruce Springsteen song from Jerry Maguire. Because obviously they complete each other. Excuse me while I go barf.

Frank then tells the camera he now KNOWS that Nicole is the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life. How long until he goes from knowing to "possibly". I say 45 minutes, plus or minus commercials. They snuggle and kiss.

Nicole - I missed your kisses.

Me - Barf.

And they stay in this weird hug position, weird because she has her legs up in a way that makes her look like a yellow easter egg.

Frank - I think I'm gonna live with her happily ever after. Hmmm, a bit of wavering all ready.
He then says he has to go find Ali. Oh, don't worry, the camera crew will lead you directly to her.

Frank - I can't even begin to imagine how that conversation is going to go.

Me - Oh, I can give you a hint. Let's just say I bet there are a lot of bleeps.

On to Ali in Tahiti. She has 3 amazing guys with such great qualities. Check, that, 2.

Cheesy hair flip in the water. Which intern had that idea?

First, Roberto. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. That's me rolling my R's in case you didn't catch that. He tells the camera thaat he's ready to propose. Ali shows up, flower number 1 in her hair. They are both happy. Yeah, he's hot.

They take off and board another helicopter. At least this time we don't have to listen to Ali's fake, I'm scared of flying BS. I think she's realized that one is waaaaay over.

They get flown to their own private island. He feels good about proposing. Ali talks to the camera and I'm left wondering if she had a boob job, or those gel inserts from Victoria's Secret.

Aw, how sweet, the island is in the shape of a heart.

They have a great time rolling in the water and sand. Roberto tells us Ali is perfect. Personally, I find her annoying. Especially when she screeches "this is so cool".

Now for the dinner portion of the date. And she's in the dress I mentioned earlier, I hope the gel inserts stay in place.

All of a sudden, Roberto is worried about putting his feelings out there. Come on, dude! You are dinero.

Roberto - Was today your favorite date so far?

Ali - It was a freaking heart!

Me - Sigh, how about, hell yeah, it was great, we got to make out on this beautiful island.

Roberto takes a long time in explaining his feelings, but finally ends it with he is falling in love with her. They make out. Hey, get a room! Oh, problem solved.

Ali tells him she has something, he looks surprised. Uh, did you forget about this part of the show. Shock, this is from Chris Harrison. Roberto reads it, blah blah, please use this key for the fantasy suite.

They agree, it's a good idea. Si, muy bueno. They have to walk through the water to get to the fantasy suite. I bet that water is a lot cleaner than the water back in Turkey.

The suite is beautiful, she takes off his shirt, and the curtains close.

Now it's Chris's turn. She has on really big sunglasses. She's missed Chris. He has missed her. Their date will be on a luxurious catamaran. You know, after all these great places, going back to their regular life is really gonna suck.
They discuss his family back in Massachusetts. Ali talked about the magical powers of the bracelet. Chris reminds us how he hasn't dated much in awhile, and he's working on opening up with her. He could end up proposing. Hey, Ali, remember, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

They make out on the boat, then have to jump in to swim to an island. Wow. That water is beautiful. They giggle, swim, make out, swim, giggle. She does the Jillian wrap her legs around him and he carries her to the shore.
They find clams, and yes, there are pearls! Planted or not? You decide. And surprise. Ali declares it is "Amaaaaazing".

Dinner time, and Chris says, surprise, "Awesome". At least 5 or 6 times. They have dinner cooked in banana leaves. Intersting. They discuss relationships, life and love. They make out. Now, it's fantasy suite time again. Chris feigns shock over the fantasy suite. Fantasy suite #54 Chris declares. He is REALLY happy. And he LOVES this girl. Wow. That is one hell of a fantasy suite. Ali says she'd even move back to Massachusetts for him. He says he doesn't care where they live. He told her he loves her. Wow. I did NOT see that coming. Didn't think he'd actually say that to her now. They go inside, and the curtains close again.

Now, time for the date that is not going to be much of a date. Frank tells us how he's here to tell her that he's in love with his ex-girlfriend Nicole. This isn't what he expected to happen. Yeah, buddy, neither did she. First, he needs to talk to Dad. I mean, Chris Harrison. Frank asks for advice on how to tell Ali he's dumping her. Chris says he was blown away, and he's done a 180! Frank says he has been overthinking things. No kidding. And after falling in love with Ali, he realized all this time, he really wanted Nicole. Oh, that's not going to go over well.

Chris - How do you think she's gonna take this?

Frank - I don't know.

Me - Uh, she's gonna be pissed.

Frank says he feels Nicole is who he is going to spend the rest of his life with, and he HOPES he's right. Besides, Ali is currently "homeless" and Nicole has this cool apartment in Chicago!

Chris tells him he has an hour to get his sh*t together to break the news to Ali. Chris wanders off to find a box of tissues he knows he's going to need later. Does anyone else want to smack Frank about now, or is that just me?

Ali heads to Frank's, in an off the shoulder shirt. Look, even Jenniferl Beals has had enough of the flashdance look. Anyways, she tells us that Frank makes her happy. Uh, not today. She's excited about taking him sailing. Cancel that. She hugs Frank and is oblivious. He drops the "we need to talk" bomb, and Ali quickly realizes that something wicked this way comes. I'm back to wanting to smack Frank. He's nervous. Probably because he knows she's gonna be pissed! He starts with the awesome connection, he was falling for her, BUT .......... he was being held back because of the unresolved feelings for an ex-girlfriend. Bomb dropped. He claims he went to see Nicole to get closure. But the second he saw her, he knew what he had to do. He tells her she is perfect in everyway, but the "click" with Nicole beats all that. The flower in Ali's hair begins to wilt. She throws it down. She should have thrown it at Frank. She chews him out because she did all this reassuring and never ONCE mentioned he could dump her for someone else. She handled this way better than I would have. I still want to smack him. He babbles some more. She calls him selfish, and reminds him how she gave up everything to be here. He says he did too, and she says "apparently not everything". OOOOH. Burn. A couple of bleeps and she tosses down her flip flops. She tells him to leave so she can deal with this. Bring in Chris Harrison. They hug good bye. This would be a great time to knee him in the crotch. But she wanders down the beach and finds Chris Harrison, and they have matching blue shirts.

Frank tells us how bad he feels. But he knows he loves Nicole.

Ali cries to Harrison. She has given up her whole freaking life.... She's really, really mad at Frank.

Frank feels horrible. And he takes his back pack and goes home, and hopes one day Ali will forgive him. I hope his glasses are in there, because apparently he has lost those.

Ali cries some more to Chris Harrison and she wonders why this happens to her. He sends her back to her room. He's gonna have room service bring some comfort food and a big fat bottle of wine.

Ali continues to bash Frank. (he deserved it) and she cries some more. Damn, I feel really bad for her. But hey, you have Plan B & C. My Plan B is a bottle of wine and snuggle time on the couch with my dog Boomer. Which is what I'm doing right now. Ah, I love my Plan B.

Back to Tahiti. Ali is wearing a purple tent. She talks about Frank's blindside. She needs to make sure Roberto and Chris want to be here and will COMMIT. Not be committed to someone else. She talks it out with Chris Harrison and says the pity party is over, Frank was the wrong guy for her, she wouldn't take him back, even if he came back and said he was sorry! Take that! She has high hopes that either Chris or Roberto could be her future husband. Harrison agrees, and hopes like hell that it works out, especially after that disaster that was Jake and Vienna.

She hopes both guys accept their roses. Look, they both said they were falling in love with you despite that stupid laugh of yours. I like your chances.

Chris and Roberto are brought in and wonder where the hell Frank is. Harrison says, yep, it's true. No Frank, but Ali will tell you why. They really wonder why she's wearing a purple and white tent. She tells them that he has things at home he didn't deal with, and now has gone home to deal with it. She says Frank wasn't the guy for her, but you two, both have the qualities of someone she wants to be with them. So if you take this rose, you better freaking mean it when you accept it! Chris gets the first rose. Roberto gets the 2nd one. They giggle, and for some reason, doesn't seem awkward. But it is. She tells the guys they are going to Bora Bora, where her family is going to be and they will meet family. Cheers.

Next week - the men tell all. Douchebag Craig, Crazy Train Kasey, the weatherman, and Rated-R. Hmmm, no mention of Frank.....

Until next week!