Baseball pants, basements, bracelets and Frank

First up, let's talk cheese and wine. This week's cheese - manchego!

From a cooking website:

Manchego is a popular, rich, creamy sheep's milk cheese that comes from the La Mancha region of Spain. The Manchego sheep graze on the shrubs of the vast plateaus of the Dahesa and produce a thick milk that gives the cheese its unique character.

Manchego is also ideal for grilling.

So, grilling, you say. Here is what I have come up with this week. Prosciutto, manchego, avocado grilled sandwich, and one with a grilled portabella mushroom.

Wine that goes with manchego - sauvingon blanc, or Cabernet. Gee, gotta try both then, darn.

But since I'm the one drinking it - let ME tell you what I like about it, first, it's wine :-)

2nd, the SB, went best w/the one w/avocado. And this Sauvingon was fruity, w/o being overbearing - label is John Cott, it's a California wine.
The Cabernet - went perfect w/just manchego, but especially the pannini w/the portabella mushroom. It was very bold. Remember, with portabella mushrooms, as they are cooked, they start tasting very meaty. I always prefer them with red wine.

Label for the red wine is Paso Creek.

Now, on to our train wreck =

First home town date is with Dinero. I mean, Roberto. OMG. 2 words. Baseball pants. Then he gives Ali a bat. I want to hit her with it, because she doesn't put her hands together on the bat. Okay, I get it, some girls don't grow up playing sports like I did. But dammit, if you have ever been to ANY baseball game in your life, you might have noticed how they hold the damn bat. I won't tell you. If you really need to know how to hold a bat, email me. I'll explain it to you.

Someone asks Ali why she gave him the first impression rose.

Ali - It was a feeling.

Me - That's all you got? Here is your chance to score major points by telling these people how wonderful Roberto is.

Ali - It was just a feeling.

Me - He danced, he smiled, he was DINERO, baby!

Ali - It was a feeling I had.

Me - Sigh.
His mom looks about as old as I am. Oh, wait. She probably is. Papi asks the hardest questions, but is ready to accept la rubia as his daughter in law. Y despues, bailamos - let me translate for you and Ali, now we dance......

He is still the front runner, and with those dimples and that ass, I see why.

On to Cape Cod Chris.

He meets her on the New England beach, with a lab. How cliche. But I do like dogs. It's raining, and that's a good thing, because Ali hasn't bothered to brush her hair. She is wearing a pair of kicky boots, and I remember those suede boots from Jake's season. The ones she was wearing when they ran in the ocean. She refuses to run in the ocean and ruin another pair as the dog runs around and Chris comes up with this great line:

Cape Cod Chris - Out there somewhere in the dark sea, whales are having sex.

Me - Work on your pick up lines.

They go and meet his family - dad, 2 brothers, and their wives. But first, she sees pictures of all of them, and the deceased mom. Is it sad that out of that home visit, I see how much the dad still misses the mom???? Dad was really great.

They drink wine, everyone loves everyone. They all admire their "Dennis bracelets". Okay, I understand a guy named Dennis makes them. But still an odd name for bracelets.

She and Chris go to his tower (is that a Massachusetts thing?) and they make out.

Ali takes her ratty ponytail,stupid laugh and Dennis bracelet and says good bye to New England.

Look - if you are going to have extensions. Fine, Just brush them!

All in all, nice family, and they had a good time drinking wine. Dammit, I would fit in well with those people!

Now on to loonyville - I mean Kirk's hometown. First off, in terms of craziness, I really thought Crazy Train Kasey would have likely taken that title. Alas, he is gone. So we are left with "the taxidermist, I ain't talkin' to my ex, now I am married to a male impersonator, and I like to invite people to my basement", parent......

Oh, Kirk's dad. You started out so weird, and yet ended up ALMOST normal.

Kirk's Dad - Would you like to see my basement?

Me - Uh, I almost expected "would you like some candy, little girl?"

So they visit the basement, and there are dead things. Lots of dead things, however, no dead people, at least that we see. Okay, he's a taxidermist, we get it.

Kirk's step mom - "You have to use your heart and your head, that's how your dad picked me"

Me - He used his head, and yet he still picked you?

Kirk gets love advice from the 8 year old sister. She agrees, Kirk and Ali should get married. Ah, if it just were that easy.

On to part 2 of his date, time to meet the mom, sister and grandma. On the boring side, so I'll sum it up, they talked about him being sick again. Well, I bet that "I don't talk to my ex" thing was a real pain in the ass when having a kid that was that sick. I wonder if holidays are scheduled. 11am - Mom's house, 1:30pm - Dad and trannie's house......

Kirk is in love, but sorry, Ali ain't feeling it. I wonder now if she's wishing she had kept Big Ears instead of Kirk.

Now, we have saved the best for last. Neurotic time. Our favorite screenplay writer - Frankespeare. I'm sure he'll worry and whine about, well, everything.

Ali meets him on the Navy Pier. Really, you have the entire fabulous city of Chicago and you go with the Navy Pier?????
And Frank, what in the hell are you wearing? A low-cut wife beater, and my sweater from 1985?
Frank begins with the usual "what if you don't pick me" whining. Okay, I'm ready to bitch slap you myself! They take a ride on the a boat, drink beer and take pictures. As an expert on taking pictures, you actually have to hold the camera and click as you are pointing at your subject. None of those pictures came out. Trust me.

Now meet, Debbie and Frank, his landlords. I mean, parents. The sisters are there too, but I don't think they actually live with mom and dad.....

Frank tells his worries to his sisters while Ali chats with his mom.

Frank - What if this seems so awesome now, but turns out like all the others?

Me - OMG, you might actually "break up". Yes, Frank that could happen. Ask Jake and Vienna. Actually, everyone who has been on the show except for the golden couple. Ryan and Trista.

Ali leaves and feels confident about Frank. Of course since we see the previews of next week, we all know better.

Rose ceremony time. Ali is wearing a dress that is the color of pepto-bismal. And flowers on her bosom. My 1985 prom dress had flowers just like that too!

She meets up with her BFF, Chris Harrison. He gives her a Prozac, tells her he knows she's gonna boot Kirk and makes her cry.

The rose ceremony goes down as predicted, and poor Kirk goes home. Hey, at least you don't have mold sickness anymore. Just do NOT go down in your dad's basement. Who knows what you'll get down there!

Ali tells them remaining 3, "things get a lot more intense next week" meaning, time to "get busy, wink, wink" as they travel to Tahiti!

Me - don't pull and "Ed" and have launching issues.

Previews for next week show, we have Frank with another girl and telling Ali that dreaded. "We need to talk".

Final cheesy point - When making paninis with manchego, it goes melt great, but did take longer than expected. Just so you know....

Wine tip - Paso Creek - Big Cabernet. Highly recommend it!