It's the home town dates!

Home town dates - there is roller skating, drinking, dancing and money being thrown around? WTH? JP's insecurities continue and all the mom's worry about their boys.

Ashley talks about the guys with us over a cup of coffee. Forget the coffee, give me a glass of wine. No other way to get through this. Ben has long hair, Constantine is her physical kind of guy, Ames is nerdy, and JP is comfortable, but jealous. Oh, and she has a little fluffball of a dog. Sorry little fluffball, you are getting left again. More travel time.

First up, Constantine in Atlanta. They meet in a park and have some stupid, teenage sounding conversation. Off to the restaurant he owns to meet his parents and sister. He's Greek, but the restaurant is Italian. Hey, everyone loves Italian food. They make a pizza, and she does not have on a hair net. Health code violation. At least they put on gloves to make the salad. They leave the restaurant and it's time to meet the parents. Side note, they have a little fluffball of a dog too. Now they are eating authentic Greek food. Looks delicious! I'm more excited about the food and wish the dad would turn this into a cooking show. His mom asks her if she will move. Yep, she's up for re-location. Both ladies are happy. I'm just bored.

Now it's time for the father/son talk. Dad wants to make sure he is not rushed. Um, have you watched this show before?
Surprise time. It's Constantine's entire family shows up. And I mean, entire family. They start the Greek dancing and then Dimitri (the dad) makes it rain. Not raining like we need in our drought stricken area, the way that would make strippers happy. The date mercifully comes to an end, but thankfully, there is still wine in my glass. Well, not for long.

I refill my wine glass, and we move on to the countryside in New York with Ames. Holy crap, his sister looks like him, she has the same forehead. Crap, and so does his brother. Talk about genetics! Ashley makes him tell the muay-Thai boxing story. Somehow she doesn't get the blame for him getting knocked the F out.

Ashley gets the grilling from his sister. Ashley tells the sister that Ames is a man. Wow, she is really paying attention. Look, maybe he's not gay, maybe he's just metro. Either way, the chemistry isn't quite there, and it seems like Ames still has that concussion. His sister is convinced he is perfect. His mom is observant as well and tells Ashley they are both adults. Sigh. I am going to finish this entire bottle of wine.

Ames and his sister have a conversation. She tries to light a fire under him. (make your own flaming joke, it's just too easy) They talk some more and all I hear is when she says "That's what she said". Snort.
Ames decides to "bring the romance". And he takes her on his "typical" afternoon. A picnic under a magnolia tree. Yep, gay. She seems to think they have one mind. Someone tell him to quit hogging it. Blech. He uses more big and fancy words about romance. They then take a horse drawn carriage. It's so romantic. Blech. Is this date over yet?

Halfway through this episode. Ah, Sonoma, California. Hello wine country! Oh, and hello to you too, Ben. She gets a tour of pure bliss. I mean, the winery. And they get to do wine tastings. We all know how jealous I am at this point. Oh, and I love the wine glasses. Okay, moving on. They have some boring conversation and drink wine, as do all the rest of us.

On to dinner with his family. It's his mom and sister. There is awkward hugging. They discuss how wonderful his hair is. Okay, then. It turns out his sister signed him up for the show. And now she tells us she is skeptical. Make up your mind!
Ben's mom shows Ashley the growing up pictures. Ben talks about his emotions some more. This guy is a bit of a nerd, I think they are a good match. Just pick him and let's end this snoozefest. Ben cries a bit, but it's about his dad who died, so I just can't make fun of that.

Finally. It's the last date. JP takes her for a "surprise". They go roller skating. Neither have been roller skating in years. So this will be interesting. Then 80's music is added, lights are dimmed and the disco ball drops. She used to figure skate, so she does well, and he bites the dust. They kiss more than anything. Apparently he has had his heart broken, that will become a theme.
They have dinner, and then his brother tells the camera that he's worried he will get hurt. Then his mother tells the camera that. See, what I mean about the theme. She tells JP that too. This makes me think he will be the next Bachelor. It will be too easy to keep reminding us how he had his heart broken. There is more discussion about his heart break. And then the date finally ends. Finally. This is making me wish I had 2 bottles of wine. JP wishes he had 2 bottles of wine when his mom brings out his picture from his bar mitzvah. Corey Feldman meets Blackie (John Stamos on General Hospital)

Rose ceremony time. Chris Harrison f's it all up and reminds her that last time they were there, she cancelled the party due to Bentley. Sigh, I thought we were done with that. She recaps the home dates. She says Constantine date was the best one. With Ames, she says how much she learns from him. Hmm, maybe he's just too smart for her. Ben is a winemaker and emotional. JP has a wonderful family. And Ashley has no regrets.
The 3 roses go to Ben, JP and Constantine.
Good bye to over-educated, fancy word-using, "romantic" Ames. He puts his positive spin on it and tries not to get upset. I have to wonder if this guy is every mad, or just on major strong Prozac, because no one can be that freaking positive and cheery 100% of the time. On the limo ride home, he says he was in love. He rambles on more of the usual BS and I want to give him my glass of wine so he will shut the hell up.

Previews of next week - they are going to Fiji! There are helicopters, boats and waterfalls. Someone comes back, and her tatted up sister is mean to her.
Outtake - she takes an order at Constantine's restaurant. Still in health code violation. I'm sure her hair is in his food after she carries the tray.