We are down to the final 4 and it's time to meet families. The remaining 4 are Kacie, Nicki, Lindzi and the Black Widow. I mean, Courtney.
First date is Lindzi in Florida. I thought she was from Washington? Oh, the family horse farm is Florida. Lindzi rides horses and tells us of her previous heart break. Ben arrives in what appears to be brown corduroy pants. They smooch and "I'm so happy to see/you be here" each other. Of course the date begins with horse riding, he meets the parents and they have a chariot race.
Lindzi: Let me take the whip.
Me: Snort.
Oh, and her parents have 2 little Jack Russell's. And they got married in San Francisco's City Hall. Apparently Lindzi had no idea about that. Now it's on to the aforementioned race. They lose, but Ben manages to hold on to one of the little dogs, at least that was endearing. Ben and Lindzi then had to pull their parents back to the house. Her parents seem normal and fun. And drink wine. It was a nice enough date, a tad boring, but not everyone is the Kardashian's.
Next up is Kacie in Tennessee. There will not be wine served at her daddy's house, he is not a drinker, and her mom is NOT for co-habitating.
Kacie has him meet her at the high school football field. There is a marching band, a bad one. And there is Kacie twirling. Look, don't remind the guy you haven't had your 5 year reunion for HS yet. They then sit in the stands and drink wine. Hey, I used to to that too, except it was under the bleachers and was Boone's farm. Anyway, she tells him the field is named after her grandfather and tells him about her parents. They stash the wine bottle and head to her parents.
Long story short, they hate him. Dad tells Kacie he would not give her permission to marry him and her mom says she better not live with him without being married. This sparks a debate on my facebook about asking permission, but that all comes down to the girl. Me, don't ask my dad. Lucky for you, he wouldn't be the one you would be stuck with.
Wrapping up, Kacie shouldn't bother packing her bags for the next trip.
Moving on, it's time for the two-step. Yeehaw, bringing it back to Texas. Ben loves Texas, and so do I! (it is where I live, and, after all, it is the best state ever!)
Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind? Ben moseys on into town and Nicki gets up a proper cowboy hat, but fails to have him push his hair back and he ends up looking stupid. Oh, and Nicki is divorced. Don't go Tenley on us.
They go on the required picnic and then home to meet her parents. Her mom's shirt is terrible. Indian tablecloth. Her parents are divorced, but get along. Then she talks to both parents and gets the usual "we are just concerned" for you. Another dad talks about giving her hand in marriage. You know, she did say yes, and would have married the guy anyway. Nicki takes him to her room and tells him she loves him. I wonder if it's her old room or she lives there now. Another nice but boring date.
And now to the spider's web. I mean, Courtney's parents in Phoenix. Yes, Phoenix, no LA modeling shoot to take him on to show him how NICE she is? Courtney tells the camera she really likes him and actually admits she treated some of the girls bad. She also gives us the poor, pitiful, me in relationships. Boo hoo. NOT. We meet Courtney's mom and see where she gets her stupid baby voice. Her mom also needs to step away from the plastic surgery. Courtney's sister is a normal size! Yippee!
Speaking of the sister, she rats her out about the skinny dipping escapade. Oh, I used to tell on my sister all the time too. One grows out of that eventually.
Dad grills Ben while Courtney talks to her mom. The mom's face is pulled a tad tight, so she can't make as many of those dumb facial expressions, but we see where Courtney gets it. They both take a hit of helium so they can keep up the baby talk for the rest of the evening.
Courtney then takes him on a picnic and has arranged a pretend marriage. Oh, and in case you forgot, she's a model, and this is where her first photo shoot was! She asks Ben to write and then recite his vows. He obliges and reads her some lovely words. At that point I realize "Oh, crap. He picks her." Courtney manages to say something other than "Winning". But winning, she is.
Ben has his fireside chat with Chris Harrison. He pretends to give a shit, but really, Chris Harrison is planning the Break Up reunion a la Vienna and Jake and their appearance on Bachelor Pad. Ben reviews, he rode horses, got told what to do by Kacie's mom, wore a cowboy hat that made his hair look even more stupid, and handed his balls over to Courtney.
Rose ceremony time. I hate Courtney, but love the dress she is wearing. Not that I could fit into that.
Ben this opts for the Black Widow. She does her little girl trot up there and back. He then chooses Lindzi and Nicki.
Lindzi and Nicki hug her while Courtney stands there awkwardly. She thinks about joining the group hug, but realizes she doesn't give a shit.
Ben walks Kacie out, and she handles it gracefully. Until she gets in the limo. At least her cry isn't that ugly. She is devastated, and I really feel bad for her. She seems like a nice girl. Kacie, you can do better.
Ben tells the Black Widow and 2 runner ups they are going to Switzerland. Even Switzerland won't be able to remain neutral. They will hate Courtney too. Or at least we can assume the mystery guest who shows up does.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Turmoil and a Tarantula
This episode is in Belize. There are 6 girls. All of them will go. Well, 2 will go home alone, and 4 will go home with home town dates.
Ben shows up in a girlish tank top. I would say he looked gay, but I don't want to insult gay men. They know how to dress better than that.
Moving on, the girls get a really cool house to stay in. They all hate Courtney. Don't we all. Low down on the dates - 3 one on one (without roses) and then 1 group date with a rose.
First date, goes to Lindzi. She's excited, the others, not so much.
Nicki is starting to break down. Hold it together girl.
Ben picks Lindzi up for their date in, of course, a helicopter. Seriously ABC, get out of the helicopter phase.
They end up jumping out of the helicopter into a big and very deep circle in the ocean. 500 feet deep. However, there was a boat right there. And I'm sure a couple of life guards. They take the obligatory gag-inducing (for me) "Leap of Faith".
They have dinner and make small talk about their families. Moving on.
Next date card arrives and it for Emily. Take that, Courtney! She cries how not fair it is, and how mean Emily is. What? Because Courtney has just been Miss Congeniality.
Back to the Lindzi date.
Lindzi: I'll never forget today's date.
Me: Kind of like a brush for your hair.
Now they do a "letter in the bottle" thing. Really? Lame, lame, lame, lame. They throw it in the water, and I call them litterbugs. Where did that term "litterbug" come from? Where was I? Oh yeah, their date. They sit by the water and kiss. She'll be in the final 4.
Back at the house, Kacie and Nicki continue to hate Courtney (don't we all), Emily is so excited about her date, and Courtney is getting her air guns ready. I have no idea what happened to Rachel.
Emily gets an upgrade from the helicopter and gets a prop plane. They are walking around the city, shopping and seeing the local sights. Ben then has a great idea! Let's get local lobster for dinner. Oh, no, the fisherman guy is sold out. But guess what? He offers to take them out to catch their own lobster.
Emily: Ben is very spontaneous!
Me: This was all previously set up, and he is well aware of the plan....
They jump in and catch 2 lobsters. I'll have to say, she did catch one and was holding it. Me, as soon as it moved, I would screech like an 8 year old girl and fling it. No telling where it would have ended up, but likely, Ben's hair.
Back at the house Courtney cries to Lindzi, the camera and then crawls in bed. Stay there, would ya?
Now Ben and Emily are eating the lobster they caught. Ben asks her if she thinks she would want to take him to meet her family. She again apologizes for the Courtney fiasco, and rebounds nicely. The date looks like it is going well and I think she's going to get a rose.
Courtney tells the other girls she wants Rachel to go home. And she says if she doesn't get the last one on one date, she won't be staying.
The date card arrives and it goes to her. Blech. She gloats, the other girls shoot daggers at her. Gee, girls, don't waste your time with daggers, Courtney had guns, and she ain't afraid to use them! Stupid B.
The Courtney date is to climb a Mayan ruin. She tries to ruin their date, but fails to do it, because Ben is an idiot.
They climb to the top, and she starts nagging him about the other girls, and maybe their spark is gone, and she just doesn't know if she would take him home to meet her family. Ben then panics and tells her what she wants to hear. Dummy, should have just sent her home then.
But Courtney knows she has won this round and celebrates by shooting off her stupid air guns.
At dinner, she then tells him how she wouldn't be friends with any of those other girls and they are nothing but plain vanilla. (I like vanilla). And she claims she was so nice to them! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!
Ben: I don't want to be with a girl that no one likes.
Me: Then why do you keep picking her?
Final date, Ben wakes up Rachel, Nicki and Kacie to go swimming with sharks. Rachel is really scared and gets to hold hands with Ben the whole time. Finally, they get out of the water and have lunch, where Kacie gets the rose. The only surprising part is Kacie and Nicki warn Ben about trusting Courtney. Rachel avoids the conversation, just like Ben's brain does.
Time for the cocktail party.
Speaking of Rachel, I hate her feather earrings, but love her cute dress.
The girls arrive at the cocktail party, and are once again cut off early from the cocktail train, as Ben has made his decision. Before that, they make conversation, and try to suck down their drinks. Too bad they are frozen pina coladas. Emily asks who is nervous. And they all discuss it, of course, Courtney is not nervous and is ready to party. And reminds the girls that there are other guys in the world besides Ben. Which, in her defense, is true. Then she has more stupid comments using her little girl voice. Ugh.
Ben arrives and asks to speak with Courtney. Emily, Nicki and Kacie start to do the happy dance.
Rachel: Do you think he pulled her aside because she is, or isn't getting a rose?
Nicki: 50/50.
Me: Again, great insight, as there are only 2 choices.
Ben then gives a rose to Nicki and then to Lindzi.
Final rose, to Courtney. NOOOOOOOOOOO.
Look, remember Jake, and how he picked the girl everyone hated? See how well that worked out? Sigh.
Emily and Rachel both cry. And Courtney skips and shoots off her stupid guns again. Again, I wish I knew where Rachel got her dress. It was too cute.
Courtney shows her class with "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya". Yeah, Ben, that's who you picked.
Previews, usual home town dates and awkward moments with parents.
Out takes, Courtney has a bonding moment with a tarantula as it walks on her arm, and it seems to like her. I guess one spider recognizes another, no matter their form.
Ben shows up in a girlish tank top. I would say he looked gay, but I don't want to insult gay men. They know how to dress better than that.
Moving on, the girls get a really cool house to stay in. They all hate Courtney. Don't we all. Low down on the dates - 3 one on one (without roses) and then 1 group date with a rose.
First date, goes to Lindzi. She's excited, the others, not so much.
Nicki is starting to break down. Hold it together girl.
Ben picks Lindzi up for their date in, of course, a helicopter. Seriously ABC, get out of the helicopter phase.
They end up jumping out of the helicopter into a big and very deep circle in the ocean. 500 feet deep. However, there was a boat right there. And I'm sure a couple of life guards. They take the obligatory gag-inducing (for me) "Leap of Faith".
They have dinner and make small talk about their families. Moving on.
Next date card arrives and it for Emily. Take that, Courtney! She cries how not fair it is, and how mean Emily is. What? Because Courtney has just been Miss Congeniality.
Back to the Lindzi date.
Lindzi: I'll never forget today's date.
Me: Kind of like a brush for your hair.
Now they do a "letter in the bottle" thing. Really? Lame, lame, lame, lame. They throw it in the water, and I call them litterbugs. Where did that term "litterbug" come from? Where was I? Oh yeah, their date. They sit by the water and kiss. She'll be in the final 4.
Back at the house, Kacie and Nicki continue to hate Courtney (don't we all), Emily is so excited about her date, and Courtney is getting her air guns ready. I have no idea what happened to Rachel.
Emily gets an upgrade from the helicopter and gets a prop plane. They are walking around the city, shopping and seeing the local sights. Ben then has a great idea! Let's get local lobster for dinner. Oh, no, the fisherman guy is sold out. But guess what? He offers to take them out to catch their own lobster.
Emily: Ben is very spontaneous!
Me: This was all previously set up, and he is well aware of the plan....
They jump in and catch 2 lobsters. I'll have to say, she did catch one and was holding it. Me, as soon as it moved, I would screech like an 8 year old girl and fling it. No telling where it would have ended up, but likely, Ben's hair.
Back at the house Courtney cries to Lindzi, the camera and then crawls in bed. Stay there, would ya?
Now Ben and Emily are eating the lobster they caught. Ben asks her if she thinks she would want to take him to meet her family. She again apologizes for the Courtney fiasco, and rebounds nicely. The date looks like it is going well and I think she's going to get a rose.
Courtney tells the other girls she wants Rachel to go home. And she says if she doesn't get the last one on one date, she won't be staying.
The date card arrives and it goes to her. Blech. She gloats, the other girls shoot daggers at her. Gee, girls, don't waste your time with daggers, Courtney had guns, and she ain't afraid to use them! Stupid B.
The Courtney date is to climb a Mayan ruin. She tries to ruin their date, but fails to do it, because Ben is an idiot.
They climb to the top, and she starts nagging him about the other girls, and maybe their spark is gone, and she just doesn't know if she would take him home to meet her family. Ben then panics and tells her what she wants to hear. Dummy, should have just sent her home then.
But Courtney knows she has won this round and celebrates by shooting off her stupid air guns.
At dinner, she then tells him how she wouldn't be friends with any of those other girls and they are nothing but plain vanilla. (I like vanilla). And she claims she was so nice to them! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!
Ben: I don't want to be with a girl that no one likes.
Me: Then why do you keep picking her?
Final date, Ben wakes up Rachel, Nicki and Kacie to go swimming with sharks. Rachel is really scared and gets to hold hands with Ben the whole time. Finally, they get out of the water and have lunch, where Kacie gets the rose. The only surprising part is Kacie and Nicki warn Ben about trusting Courtney. Rachel avoids the conversation, just like Ben's brain does.
Time for the cocktail party.
Speaking of Rachel, I hate her feather earrings, but love her cute dress.
The girls arrive at the cocktail party, and are once again cut off early from the cocktail train, as Ben has made his decision. Before that, they make conversation, and try to suck down their drinks. Too bad they are frozen pina coladas. Emily asks who is nervous. And they all discuss it, of course, Courtney is not nervous and is ready to party. And reminds the girls that there are other guys in the world besides Ben. Which, in her defense, is true. Then she has more stupid comments using her little girl voice. Ugh.
Ben arrives and asks to speak with Courtney. Emily, Nicki and Kacie start to do the happy dance.
Rachel: Do you think he pulled her aside because she is, or isn't getting a rose?
Nicki: 50/50.
Me: Again, great insight, as there are only 2 choices.
Ben then gives a rose to Nicki and then to Lindzi.
Final rose, to Courtney. NOOOOOOOOOOO.
Look, remember Jake, and how he picked the girl everyone hated? See how well that worked out? Sigh.
Emily and Rachel both cry. And Courtney skips and shoots off her stupid guns again. Again, I wish I knew where Rachel got her dress. It was too cute.
Courtney shows her class with "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya". Yeah, Ben, that's who you picked.
Previews, usual home town dates and awkward moments with parents.
Out takes, Courtney has a bonding moment with a tarantula as it walks on her arm, and it seems to like her. I guess one spider recognizes another, no matter their form.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Time to get Tribal
This week's magical journey takes us to Panama City, Panama.
Previews - Kissing, dancing, Courtney being a bitch and running around naked, and some hella ugly crying!
Blakeley: Ben has taken us to Sonoma, San Francisco, Utah, Puerto Rico, and now Panama.
Me: Again, you understand that ABC planned it and paid for it?
The hotel is freaking awesome.
Courtney: Life is good.
Me: Not while you are in it.
She reminds us of the skinny dipping and we all know, she's "winning".
Ben arrives in a jeep, and I'm really beginning to hate his hair.
Blakeley tells the group she wants a one on one date so badly she can't stand it. Kacie B tries to console her. And Ben arrives and the date card goes to Kacie B, irony. Blakeley, there has to be a liquor cabinet.
Courtney disses his choice and wisely says: It could go one of two ways.
Me: No sh*t, sherlock. There are only 2 choices, stay or go.
Their date card says "Can our love survive, bring 3 things". And of course, here is a helicopter. Because every guy picks you up in one of those.
They end up playing Survivor and are dropped off on an empty island. The 3 things she brought, was a green monkey? Corkscrew and candy. I guess he bought her that monkey. He brought a machete, fishing net and matches. WTH? No wine? Or at least rum for the coconuts they find.
Long story short - they sit on the beach, drink coconut milk, fish, cook the fish and hang out. It was a nice beginning to the date. Now they move on to the evening portion. Dinner with the rose on the table.
Kacie: I do miss doing normal day to day things.
Me: WHAT? A girl who realizes that the helicopter and rooftop dining isn't a part of normal life? Pick her now.
Back at the hotel, the group date card arrives - "Let's get lost". On the date is Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Kasey, Courtney and Jamie. Rachel immediately realizes that she and Blakeley are the two on one date. Blakeley would do the happy dance, but she isn't wearing a bra and could injure herself. Rachel is nervous, and Blakeley doesn't really care. She's ready to shine!
Back to Kacie and Ben. She tells him her past, and that she once had an eating disorder. And since she has opened up to him, he gives her the rose. He really likes her, and let's hope he's smart enough to pick her over that bitch, Courtney. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Now it's the group date. Ben shows up in a big long boat. Insert your own joke here. They continue with their Survivor theme and they take off into the jungle.
Next thing you know, they are in a village where a Panamanian tribe lives. The women of the tribe take the girls to the huts and give them authentic tribal outfits. They indicate they don't need their bathing suit tops under their new beaded tops.
Courtney and Jamie have a discussion about the situation and Courtney tells her she doesn't need to take her bra off. And then of course, immediately ditches hers.
The other girls are appalled. And notice that she took of her pants too and only a skirt.
Ben shows up in a loin cloth.
Ben immediately notices that Courtney doesn't have her bathing suit top on. And just in case he didn't, she announces this to him. Oh, Ben, it's not like you haven't seen her boobs before, would now be a good time to tell that to the group? Probably not. Carry on.
Then there is tribal body-painting and dancing. It includes Courtney painting B+C=Love. And a whole lot of her trying to impress Ben with shaking her ta-tas all over the place. Really, it would only be impressive if you have ta-tas like Blakeley.
The entourage leaves the jungle and heads to the required rooftop with a pool for the evening portion of the date.
At that time, Lindzi gets the first one on one time. Ben tells her she is easy-going, and Lindzi tells him she is, but this is hard. I think she was about to bash Courtney, but got the hint to just go the other way. They make out.
Ben then asks Courtney for one on one time.
She sashays out and says "I'm being stolen". Emily gives her a look that says "We wish you were being stolen by a group of angry Pygmy villagers and eaten". We all wish that, but it's just Ben.
Ben thanks her for being assertive. Well, played Courtney.
Jamie then decides she is going to step it up now. She tries to kiss him, but she talks way too much and then Courtney pool-bombs their time. Courtney jumps in the pool by herself in an itty-bitty white bikini. Jamie continues to talk 100 miles a minute and Ben is distracted by the evil mermaid, Courtney. What an inconsiderate bitch. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Jamie's plan falls apart and there is no kissing.
Emily takes her turn with Ben and uses humor to get his attention. She tells him she is dumping him for the Chief at the village. Ben finds this amusing. Emily also says she is done tattling on Courtney and is going to stay out of it. They kiss and Emily finally walks away without bashing Courtney (rats) or crying.
Emily then goes and apologizes to Courtney in front of everyone. And yes, you guessed it, she's a bitch about it. The worst part is Ben missed seeing what a bitch she is by about 10 seconds. Or did he perhaps hear a small part of it?
Because of that time, Lindzi gets the rose. Courtney (and me and everyone else) thought her and her beaded top was going to get the rose.
Courtney pouts and sulks. However, she goes back to her room to wait. On the date she gave him her room number and expects him to show up. He doesn't. She's disappointed and feels like she has always been taken for granted. At this point, I suppose we should feel sorry for her, but we don't.
Now the 2 on 1 date. Since Blakeley had already worn her Hooter's Train conductor onesie, she better find a new outfit for this date. She sticks with a onesie, not as bad as the conductor outfit. The date begins with dance lessons for the salsa. Blakeley knows how to shake her money maker. This might be bad. The dance goes "1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7". What the hell happened to 4?
Anyway, yes, you guessed it, Blakeley totally out dances poor Rachel. She basically shoves her boobs in Ben's face and slides up and down him like he is her personal stripper pole. It's uncomfortable for Rachel and for all of us.
Finally the torture is over and they go dinner. Blakeley is wearing an oversized shirt and that's it. Yep, she made it a dress. Rachel has on a cute black dress.
The dinner starts, and Rachel tells him she is nervous. Blakeley continues to try and shine by pointing out again, that she is nothing but sunshine and rainbows about this because she gets to see Ben. Hmm, starting to sound a tad stalkerish.
Rachel gets the first one on one time with Ben. She worries some more and they make out anyway. He tells her he is trying to decide. And then Blakeley helps Rachel out a ton.
Blakeley whines a bit about not getting a one on one. She has also brought along her scrapbook. "My time with Ben". Look, girls love that shit. Guys, not so much. Especially when the cover of it looks like my high school book cover that say "Kay + David".
Ben was very polite about it, but that little voice inside his head said "RUN". Too bad he doesn't hear it when he is talking to Courtney.
Ben then gives the rose to Rachel. Blakeley is shocked. The rest of us aren't. Blakeley immediately just gets up and walks away. He follows her out, and at this point, you know, she was just dumped and she doesn't have to take it gracefully.
He tells her that is just isn't there with them, but he thanks her for trying and he apologizes. It seems heartfelt.
Blakeley then cries and cries some more. Hey, what happened to the scrapbook? She puts him in a death hug and cries some more. He finally untangles himself and runs like hell. Just like that stray kitty the producers just showed.
Rachel gloats to the camera. Don't gloat too much, I predict that you go home next week.
As the girls are hanging out, Chris Harrison shows up and asks to talk to Kasey S. Uh oh, what is the deal. Another long story short - Chris accuses her of having a boyfriend. She says "nu-uh, we like broke up. like a long time ago, like really". She's a terrible liar and a terrible fake crier, or the ugliest crier ever. Chris makes her tell Ben, and Ben tells her to go home.
Courtney is sad she lost her only friend. Kasey continues to cry this terrible cry in the car on the way to the airport.
Cocktail party time. Ben opens with asking for honesty. The party begins with Nicki talking with Ben about her fast her feelings are growing. They dance and kiss.
Courtney to Rachel: I feel like I might be going home.
Rachel to Courtney: REALLY?
Courtney: Just kidding. I feel pretty confident.
Yeah, that's not a way to make friends after your only friend has left.
Jamie then decides it's time for her to break out the "sexual healing" that she can provide. She has a big surprise for him. And still doesn't shut up. She tells him to sit down, and tries to climb on his lap. That doesn't go well because of her tight cocktail dress. Next time, sit to the side instead of straddling him. She hikes it up there and kisses him anyway. She keeps talking. SHUT UP. She keeps trying to kiss him, and she ends up laughing. Look, some girls do sexy, and some don't. I tried the sexy route once in my early 20's. My jerk of an boyfriend at the time laughed at me. However, I realized, sexy is not me. A-dork-able, sure. So I will stick with that. My point here, Jamie, is go with what you know. Don't tell him how he should kiss you, and don't laugh. Good bye, Jamie. You are a nice girl, but see ya later. Instead of too little, too late. It's way too much, too late.
Rose ceremony time, and as predicted, Jamie goes home. She handled it gracefully and waits until she is walked out to have her melt down. Oh, Jamie, you are a pretty girl, you don't have to be Blakeley, just be yourself.
Ben tells the remaining 6 they are now going to Belize. Previews, Kacie and Nicki give him the Courtney 411. And Courtney may have shot herself in the foot by telling him again how all the women hate him. Hey, maybe he finally caught a clue!
Previews - Kissing, dancing, Courtney being a bitch and running around naked, and some hella ugly crying!
Blakeley: Ben has taken us to Sonoma, San Francisco, Utah, Puerto Rico, and now Panama.
Me: Again, you understand that ABC planned it and paid for it?
The hotel is freaking awesome.
Courtney: Life is good.
Me: Not while you are in it.
She reminds us of the skinny dipping and we all know, she's "winning".
Ben arrives in a jeep, and I'm really beginning to hate his hair.
Blakeley tells the group she wants a one on one date so badly she can't stand it. Kacie B tries to console her. And Ben arrives and the date card goes to Kacie B, irony. Blakeley, there has to be a liquor cabinet.
Courtney disses his choice and wisely says: It could go one of two ways.
Me: No sh*t, sherlock. There are only 2 choices, stay or go.
Their date card says "Can our love survive, bring 3 things". And of course, here is a helicopter. Because every guy picks you up in one of those.
They end up playing Survivor and are dropped off on an empty island. The 3 things she brought, was a green monkey? Corkscrew and candy. I guess he bought her that monkey. He brought a machete, fishing net and matches. WTH? No wine? Or at least rum for the coconuts they find.
Long story short - they sit on the beach, drink coconut milk, fish, cook the fish and hang out. It was a nice beginning to the date. Now they move on to the evening portion. Dinner with the rose on the table.
Kacie: I do miss doing normal day to day things.
Me: WHAT? A girl who realizes that the helicopter and rooftop dining isn't a part of normal life? Pick her now.
Back at the hotel, the group date card arrives - "Let's get lost". On the date is Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Kasey, Courtney and Jamie. Rachel immediately realizes that she and Blakeley are the two on one date. Blakeley would do the happy dance, but she isn't wearing a bra and could injure herself. Rachel is nervous, and Blakeley doesn't really care. She's ready to shine!
Back to Kacie and Ben. She tells him her past, and that she once had an eating disorder. And since she has opened up to him, he gives her the rose. He really likes her, and let's hope he's smart enough to pick her over that bitch, Courtney. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Now it's the group date. Ben shows up in a big long boat. Insert your own joke here. They continue with their Survivor theme and they take off into the jungle.
Next thing you know, they are in a village where a Panamanian tribe lives. The women of the tribe take the girls to the huts and give them authentic tribal outfits. They indicate they don't need their bathing suit tops under their new beaded tops.
Courtney and Jamie have a discussion about the situation and Courtney tells her she doesn't need to take her bra off. And then of course, immediately ditches hers.
The other girls are appalled. And notice that she took of her pants too and only a skirt.
Ben shows up in a loin cloth.
Ben immediately notices that Courtney doesn't have her bathing suit top on. And just in case he didn't, she announces this to him. Oh, Ben, it's not like you haven't seen her boobs before, would now be a good time to tell that to the group? Probably not. Carry on.
Then there is tribal body-painting and dancing. It includes Courtney painting B+C=Love. And a whole lot of her trying to impress Ben with shaking her ta-tas all over the place. Really, it would only be impressive if you have ta-tas like Blakeley.
The entourage leaves the jungle and heads to the required rooftop with a pool for the evening portion of the date.
At that time, Lindzi gets the first one on one time. Ben tells her she is easy-going, and Lindzi tells him she is, but this is hard. I think she was about to bash Courtney, but got the hint to just go the other way. They make out.
Ben then asks Courtney for one on one time.
She sashays out and says "I'm being stolen". Emily gives her a look that says "We wish you were being stolen by a group of angry Pygmy villagers and eaten". We all wish that, but it's just Ben.
Ben thanks her for being assertive. Well, played Courtney.
Jamie then decides she is going to step it up now. She tries to kiss him, but she talks way too much and then Courtney pool-bombs their time. Courtney jumps in the pool by herself in an itty-bitty white bikini. Jamie continues to talk 100 miles a minute and Ben is distracted by the evil mermaid, Courtney. What an inconsiderate bitch. Have I mentioned that I hate her?
Jamie's plan falls apart and there is no kissing.
Emily takes her turn with Ben and uses humor to get his attention. She tells him she is dumping him for the Chief at the village. Ben finds this amusing. Emily also says she is done tattling on Courtney and is going to stay out of it. They kiss and Emily finally walks away without bashing Courtney (rats) or crying.
Emily then goes and apologizes to Courtney in front of everyone. And yes, you guessed it, she's a bitch about it. The worst part is Ben missed seeing what a bitch she is by about 10 seconds. Or did he perhaps hear a small part of it?
Because of that time, Lindzi gets the rose. Courtney (and me and everyone else) thought her and her beaded top was going to get the rose.
Courtney pouts and sulks. However, she goes back to her room to wait. On the date she gave him her room number and expects him to show up. He doesn't. She's disappointed and feels like she has always been taken for granted. At this point, I suppose we should feel sorry for her, but we don't.
Now the 2 on 1 date. Since Blakeley had already worn her Hooter's Train conductor onesie, she better find a new outfit for this date. She sticks with a onesie, not as bad as the conductor outfit. The date begins with dance lessons for the salsa. Blakeley knows how to shake her money maker. This might be bad. The dance goes "1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7". What the hell happened to 4?
Anyway, yes, you guessed it, Blakeley totally out dances poor Rachel. She basically shoves her boobs in Ben's face and slides up and down him like he is her personal stripper pole. It's uncomfortable for Rachel and for all of us.
Finally the torture is over and they go dinner. Blakeley is wearing an oversized shirt and that's it. Yep, she made it a dress. Rachel has on a cute black dress.
The dinner starts, and Rachel tells him she is nervous. Blakeley continues to try and shine by pointing out again, that she is nothing but sunshine and rainbows about this because she gets to see Ben. Hmm, starting to sound a tad stalkerish.
Rachel gets the first one on one time with Ben. She worries some more and they make out anyway. He tells her he is trying to decide. And then Blakeley helps Rachel out a ton.
Blakeley whines a bit about not getting a one on one. She has also brought along her scrapbook. "My time with Ben". Look, girls love that shit. Guys, not so much. Especially when the cover of it looks like my high school book cover that say "Kay + David".
Ben was very polite about it, but that little voice inside his head said "RUN". Too bad he doesn't hear it when he is talking to Courtney.
Ben then gives the rose to Rachel. Blakeley is shocked. The rest of us aren't. Blakeley immediately just gets up and walks away. He follows her out, and at this point, you know, she was just dumped and she doesn't have to take it gracefully.
He tells her that is just isn't there with them, but he thanks her for trying and he apologizes. It seems heartfelt.
Blakeley then cries and cries some more. Hey, what happened to the scrapbook? She puts him in a death hug and cries some more. He finally untangles himself and runs like hell. Just like that stray kitty the producers just showed.
Rachel gloats to the camera. Don't gloat too much, I predict that you go home next week.
As the girls are hanging out, Chris Harrison shows up and asks to talk to Kasey S. Uh oh, what is the deal. Another long story short - Chris accuses her of having a boyfriend. She says "nu-uh, we like broke up. like a long time ago, like really". She's a terrible liar and a terrible fake crier, or the ugliest crier ever. Chris makes her tell Ben, and Ben tells her to go home.
Courtney is sad she lost her only friend. Kasey continues to cry this terrible cry in the car on the way to the airport.
Cocktail party time. Ben opens with asking for honesty. The party begins with Nicki talking with Ben about her fast her feelings are growing. They dance and kiss.
Courtney to Rachel: I feel like I might be going home.
Rachel to Courtney: REALLY?
Courtney: Just kidding. I feel pretty confident.
Yeah, that's not a way to make friends after your only friend has left.
Jamie then decides it's time for her to break out the "sexual healing" that she can provide. She has a big surprise for him. And still doesn't shut up. She tells him to sit down, and tries to climb on his lap. That doesn't go well because of her tight cocktail dress. Next time, sit to the side instead of straddling him. She hikes it up there and kisses him anyway. She keeps talking. SHUT UP. She keeps trying to kiss him, and she ends up laughing. Look, some girls do sexy, and some don't. I tried the sexy route once in my early 20's. My jerk of an boyfriend at the time laughed at me. However, I realized, sexy is not me. A-dork-able, sure. So I will stick with that. My point here, Jamie, is go with what you know. Don't tell him how he should kiss you, and don't laugh. Good bye, Jamie. You are a nice girl, but see ya later. Instead of too little, too late. It's way too much, too late.
Rose ceremony time, and as predicted, Jamie goes home. She handled it gracefully and waits until she is walked out to have her melt down. Oh, Jamie, you are a pretty girl, you don't have to be Blakeley, just be yourself.
Ben tells the remaining 6 they are now going to Belize. Previews, Kacie and Nicki give him the Courtney 411. And Courtney may have shot herself in the foot by telling him again how all the women hate him. Hey, maybe he finally caught a clue!
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