Ah, in the excitement of starting my new job as a manager, I never did get to my recap of the Women Tell All. Here's your quick and dirty recap. (heh, heh, I said quick and dirty)
Anyway, here it goes, pay attention!
Michelle's skirt is ugly and doesn't match her top.
Jackie talks a lot.
Stacey, the girl from Bahston talks a lot too.
Ashley S is sorry, a bunch.
The other Ashley is still annoying.
Michelle cries.
That blond girl that got the boot halfway through pipes up, and Jackie and Stacey talk a lot more.
Michelle cries.
Chris Harrison disappoints us all by believing her crap.
Over half the girls are wearing huge earrings and/or necklaces.
Michelle cries some more.
I drink wine.
Brad comes out.
They talk about Ashley's makeover
Shawntal doesn't say a word.
Brad says he's happy and leads us to believe this time he did pick one.
There. Take it or leave it.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
It's a Jungle Out There
Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my. Actually, lions, giraffes, and elephants for this circus. The previews show the drama about to unfold - Will Emily enter the fantasy suite? Will Chantal's dress be able to cover her boobs? And will Ashley say "like". Spoiler alert - the answer is yes to all three.
First, Brad has to leave NY and head to South Africa. He packs his sh*t and talks about his feelings. He's emotional, nervous and anxious. I'm just bored, so as usual, I drink more wine. Is it just me, or is this guy boring??? He has trust issues. WE KNOW, YOU TOLD US 500 TIMES!!! He then talks about the 3 women left - Chantal, they have chemistry, but she might be too emotional, Ashley, she might be too annoying, and Emily, she might be too perfect. Ah, but one of these will fit just right!
Anyway, Brad arrives and he tells us it's a little dangerous. It would be more dangerous if Crazy Michelle were still around.... Moving on...
First date is with Chantal. She's in love and wants to hang out. So that means go on a safari. They see a group of sleeping lions. Surely, there is a fence between them. We don't see it, but there has to be, right???? Then they are perplexed by a giraffe. Then they see more animals and then are walked down to a river with a picnic basket. The guide taking them there has a gun. They don't. They have a picnic and talk about how dangerous it is, there is a hippo in the river..... She tells us she felt safe with Brad. Fine, you stay with Brad, I'll take the guy with the gun.
Brad - "Who eats lunch with a hippo?"
Me - "I do, but that's because I'm at home and my dog is fat". Ha ha. Poor Tia. She knows I love my fat girl.
They don't get eaten by lions, and make it to the dinner portion of the date. Just get to the date card, she wants to prove to him she loves him. Prove it all night, isn't that a Bruce Springsteen song?
They eat, drink, and talk about all the next steps. Finally Chantal gets the card, grabs the key, and says they are going to the fantasy suite, and they are going NOW. The fantasy suite is a treehouse in the middle of the jungle. She's amazed, I wonder where the bathroom is. I'm not much on camping as it is, but you want me to go pee outside where lions are???? Where is that guy with the gun again?
They make out, the cameras leave, we assume she makes good on her promise to "prove" her love to him.
Now, time for date #2, Perfect Emily.
He's happy to see Em. They meet in the middle of the jungle, and then he leaves her standing there. He comes back with an elephant. She says, say it with me "SHUT UP". Oh, and it's her dream come true. I don't mean to brag, but I once rode one at the San Antonio zoo, and then one at the Renaissance fair.
Back to their date, they see baby elephants and now it's time for the picnic part, they discuss her daughter, and life with a 5 year old. It's all quite boring. I drink more wine.
On to dinner. Will she take the card for the fantasy suite, we have been led on all week by the promos that she won't.
Emily - "I'm a mom, and I want to be a good example, but...."
Me - She's going to the fantasy suite, but she ain't putting out.
Emily shocks him, and the rest of us by telling Brad she is falling in love with him. He tells her that he is falling in love with her too. Oh, sh*t, just wait until Chantal sees that!
Next up, get ready for a "like"-a-thon, and lots of shrieking with Ashley. She's wearing a pair of daisy dukes and flip flops. Not sure that's the best choice for the jungle. Oh well. Oh, and there is a helicopter, so there is a lot of shrieking and she runs the other way. I run downstairs and get more wine. And of course, first stop, is a picnic.
Then Ashley starts talking, talking and talking. Where is Emily when we need a "SHUT UP"? They talk about where to live, and her career. Brad is worried about them being different places in their life. Well, it might help if you date someone closer to your age.... just saying. Nothing wrong with an age gap, but if that's your issue....
Let's wrap up this date, they have dinner. She shrieks, I drink, and Brad is boring. She talks some more, and is annoying. She takes the date card, but it just doesn't go well. She makes it to the fantasy suite, but she won't be making it to Austin.
Time for the rose ceremony. The 3 girls line up, and Brad asks Ashley if they can talk. Chantal and Emily awkwardly stand there.
Brad drags her halfway across the set, and up a whole bunch of stairs. Poor girl is in ridiculous heels. He tells her their date didn't go well, and he's sorry for that. He tells her that their relationship started out well, but it has now fallen apart. He feels they have bad mis-communication and might not fit into her life. She is frustrated. All of this goes over about as well as it ever does when you get the "it's over" speech. He goes to hug her, and we hope she stomps on his foot with those shoes. He can't understand what's wrong with her. Here's a clue - you just dumped her, and the "you are wonderful and I wish it were different" speech doesn't really help. Trust me, it pisses all women off, even more.
She leaves and cries in the car. I feel bad for her, but please, don't let her be the next Bachelorette.
He returns and tells the good news/bad news to the other 2. He still gives out the 2 roses. The good news is Shrieking Ashley is gone, the bad news is they have to keep dating his boring a**.
He gives out the 2 roses, and of course, they accept it. They awkwardly hug and talk about going to meet his family. He tells them they are staying in South Africa, but moving on to Capetown. He lets out some really weird giggle, I guess it was left over from Ashley.
Oh, at least next week won't be boring - it's the Women Tell All!!! Bring it.
First, Brad has to leave NY and head to South Africa. He packs his sh*t and talks about his feelings. He's emotional, nervous and anxious. I'm just bored, so as usual, I drink more wine. Is it just me, or is this guy boring??? He has trust issues. WE KNOW, YOU TOLD US 500 TIMES!!! He then talks about the 3 women left - Chantal, they have chemistry, but she might be too emotional, Ashley, she might be too annoying, and Emily, she might be too perfect. Ah, but one of these will fit just right!
Anyway, Brad arrives and he tells us it's a little dangerous. It would be more dangerous if Crazy Michelle were still around.... Moving on...
First date is with Chantal. She's in love and wants to hang out. So that means go on a safari. They see a group of sleeping lions. Surely, there is a fence between them. We don't see it, but there has to be, right???? Then they are perplexed by a giraffe. Then they see more animals and then are walked down to a river with a picnic basket. The guide taking them there has a gun. They don't. They have a picnic and talk about how dangerous it is, there is a hippo in the river..... She tells us she felt safe with Brad. Fine, you stay with Brad, I'll take the guy with the gun.
Brad - "Who eats lunch with a hippo?"
Me - "I do, but that's because I'm at home and my dog is fat". Ha ha. Poor Tia. She knows I love my fat girl.
They don't get eaten by lions, and make it to the dinner portion of the date. Just get to the date card, she wants to prove to him she loves him. Prove it all night, isn't that a Bruce Springsteen song?
They eat, drink, and talk about all the next steps. Finally Chantal gets the card, grabs the key, and says they are going to the fantasy suite, and they are going NOW. The fantasy suite is a treehouse in the middle of the jungle. She's amazed, I wonder where the bathroom is. I'm not much on camping as it is, but you want me to go pee outside where lions are???? Where is that guy with the gun again?
They make out, the cameras leave, we assume she makes good on her promise to "prove" her love to him.
Now, time for date #2, Perfect Emily.
He's happy to see Em. They meet in the middle of the jungle, and then he leaves her standing there. He comes back with an elephant. She says, say it with me "SHUT UP". Oh, and it's her dream come true. I don't mean to brag, but I once rode one at the San Antonio zoo, and then one at the Renaissance fair.
Back to their date, they see baby elephants and now it's time for the picnic part, they discuss her daughter, and life with a 5 year old. It's all quite boring. I drink more wine.
On to dinner. Will she take the card for the fantasy suite, we have been led on all week by the promos that she won't.
Emily - "I'm a mom, and I want to be a good example, but...."
Me - She's going to the fantasy suite, but she ain't putting out.
Emily shocks him, and the rest of us by telling Brad she is falling in love with him. He tells her that he is falling in love with her too. Oh, sh*t, just wait until Chantal sees that!
Next up, get ready for a "like"-a-thon, and lots of shrieking with Ashley. She's wearing a pair of daisy dukes and flip flops. Not sure that's the best choice for the jungle. Oh well. Oh, and there is a helicopter, so there is a lot of shrieking and she runs the other way. I run downstairs and get more wine. And of course, first stop, is a picnic.
Then Ashley starts talking, talking and talking. Where is Emily when we need a "SHUT UP"? They talk about where to live, and her career. Brad is worried about them being different places in their life. Well, it might help if you date someone closer to your age.... just saying. Nothing wrong with an age gap, but if that's your issue....
Let's wrap up this date, they have dinner. She shrieks, I drink, and Brad is boring. She talks some more, and is annoying. She takes the date card, but it just doesn't go well. She makes it to the fantasy suite, but she won't be making it to Austin.
Time for the rose ceremony. The 3 girls line up, and Brad asks Ashley if they can talk. Chantal and Emily awkwardly stand there.
Brad drags her halfway across the set, and up a whole bunch of stairs. Poor girl is in ridiculous heels. He tells her their date didn't go well, and he's sorry for that. He tells her that their relationship started out well, but it has now fallen apart. He feels they have bad mis-communication and might not fit into her life. She is frustrated. All of this goes over about as well as it ever does when you get the "it's over" speech. He goes to hug her, and we hope she stomps on his foot with those shoes. He can't understand what's wrong with her. Here's a clue - you just dumped her, and the "you are wonderful and I wish it were different" speech doesn't really help. Trust me, it pisses all women off, even more.
She leaves and cries in the car. I feel bad for her, but please, don't let her be the next Bachelorette.
He returns and tells the good news/bad news to the other 2. He still gives out the 2 roses. The good news is Shrieking Ashley is gone, the bad news is they have to keep dating his boring a**.
He gives out the 2 roses, and of course, they accept it. They awkwardly hug and talk about going to meet his family. He tells them they are staying in South Africa, but moving on to Capetown. He lets out some really weird giggle, I guess it was left over from Ashley.
Oh, at least next week won't be boring - it's the Women Tell All!!! Bring it.
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